Scratch the Surface
by shannygoat
Summary: AU Pyschological thriller. They are just two ordinary men with an unusual hobby. Too bad their victims don't seem to understand that. Dark story with graphic and sadistic material including rape, terror, torture, and necrophilia. Not for minors!
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I don't have permission to use the WWE superstars in my fiction. No disrespect is intended. The characters are loosely based off of their television personas._

_A/N: So this is the new story I'm working on. I know I have a bunch of others to finish, but this is the one occupying my mind right now. I don't expect this to get a lot of reviews because of the intense subject matter; it's really dark and sadistic and definitely not for everyone. It does not paint the main characters in a flattering light. So if you can't handle Jeff and Edge as not so nice guys, this isn't for you. _

_I have always wanted to write a psychological thriller, so here's my attempt. If you decide to try it, I hope you like it. I'm not sure if is really the place for this, but this is the most excited I've been about writing in a few months. There's a good chance that this story will not stay on this site either. It may be a little much…this is an experiment. It may just be continued on my myspace and website depending on the feedback (I don't want to offend anyone). We'll see._

_**Warning: This story will contain rape, torture, sadism, violence, slash and anything else I can think to throw into it. This story is disturbing and not intended for minors!**_

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Scratch the Surface - Chapter 1

The amber light of the cigarette as I inhale sends a flash of brightness across the room. As soon as I take in a healthy drag and feel the cool flavor of menthol opening my lungs, I suddenly become aware of everything else around me. This room looks like all the others. It's small, dirty, and the only window in here is covered by a thick screen of dust. I find myself wondering what this room looked like when it was functional. How grand was it before the wrecking balls came in and destroyed the adjoining building? And did this room have all of the latest amenities before the slum lord forgot that he had tenants living here? I wonder what kind of people lived here before. Not that it matters much now, I guess.

This place is abandoned, has been forever judging from the huge termite holes in the walls and the places in the floor boards where the wood has completely rotted through. It's a death trap if you don't watch your step. We spend enough time scoping the layout in the daytime so we'll know exactly where we can and can't step. I know for sure I could close my eyes right now and walk from this room to the front door and manage to avoid the hole in the floor that's covered by that tacky ass rug.

I guess that's why we always choose places like this. They aren't so easy to escape from. I mean, if they actually manage to get away from us, they'll have one hell of time actually making it to the outside without breaking their necks in the process. It's an unfair advantage, but it's the just one thing that we have to do to protect ourselves.

The muffled sound of whimpering makes me look over in that dark direction. I can't really see what she's doing, but judging from the sound of the table leg scraping across the floor, I'd guess she's trying to get her hands free. I hate that he ties them up so tight. The sound of a struggle always makes me feel sorry for them. And what's even worse is he insists on gagging them and leaving me here to watch them.

The least he could do is leave the gag off so they could talk to me. I know that ain't the smartest idea, seeing as how they could start screaming. But sometimes, when I know that he'll be gone for a while, I untie the gag so we can talk. If nothing else, I think it helps them to relax.

They don't scream, usually. I don't really know why. I like to think it's because they know I don't really want to hurt them. I don't know. I can't really explain it. It's like, I don't want to cause anybody pain and knowing that someone got hurt because of something I did disturbs me. But on the same token I love the power of fear. I love the look on their faces when they realize it's me. Really, who would ever suspect me of anything?

I don't know how I got like this. I wasn't one of those types you read about in the DSM-IV that labels sociopaths as displaying symptoms since early childhood. I didn't grow up in some broken home and I wasn't abused as a child. Nobody touched me and I didn't have any traumas to blame anything on. I've never had brain damage or ever been bullied before. There's no explanation for it. I once had this shrink tell me that was the scariest thing about it. There was nothing in my pathology to suggest I would turn out the way that I have. According to her, that's what makes me a danger to society.

I'm a whole lot different than him, that's for sure. He's the sick one out of the two of us. I don't even ask anymore where he gets some of the ideas he comes up with. I think he's watched one too many scary movies and now he wants to play everything out in real life. He worries me sometime, because it's getting to the point where this isn't enough for him anymore. Every time we've got to do a little bit more, make the chase a little harder, punish them a little longer. It's because he doesn't seem to ever be satisfied.

I remember when we first started, it was cut and dry. We'd see someone we wanted and we'd grab them, have fun and drop them off in some remote area of town when we were done. Now, it's this big, elaborate game for him. He's into wooing them, getting them to come willingly and then when we get them in the car the fun begins. He's into the screaming and begging now and I honestly don't think any of them walked away afterward in the past few months.

He's getting out of control, but what can I do about it? It's not like I can walk away from this life. I'm in it too deep and truthfully I don't want to. I tried once. I tried to make a clean break, but the hunger got to be too much. I felt like I was going to crawl out of my own skin. My heart raced all the time, my hands shook, my mouth stayed all juicy… I couldn't sleep or eat. I guess this is my addiction.

"If he comes back here and finds out that you got your hands free, he's gonna be pissed." I feel like it's the least I could do. She should at least know that he's not really a person you want to fuck with. If he ties you up, when he comes back, your ass better still be tied up. It makes him crazy if they upset the scene that he has in his mind. "If you don't break your wrist trying to untie yourself, if you're free when he gets here he'll do it for you."

I notice how quiet she is suddenly, but I can still hear her muffled cries. I almost feel sorry for her. Almost. But she has something I need so my sympathy only goes so far. Still, I feel like I should be doing something to try to make her stay here a little more enjoyable. I mean, she did ask to come. She wanted us to show her a good time, but I'm sure this wasn't what she had in mind.

I move over to the leg of the table that he's got her tied to and sit down next to her. "You smoke?" I notice the way she's trying to scramble away from me like I'm going to do something to her. I understand her reaction but really where does she think she's going to go? The binds are entirely too tight and I'm not tied up. Anywhere she can scramble to, so can I. If I felt up to it, I'd play along and show her that I'm in charge. But I just don't feel like it tonight. I just want to get this over with and go home. I'm tired. She put up much more of a fight than I thought she would. I hate when I'm exhausted before we even get started.

I fold my legs beneath me and touch the end of the lit match to the wick on the candle. It really doesn't illuminate the room much, but at least it allows her to see my face and me hers. She really is pretty especially with the way tears have stained her smudged face and her hair clings to her skin with sweat. Her teeth are so white against the soiled rag tied around her head to keep her quiet. She has the prettiest brown eyes, even if one is almost swollen shut. He didn't have to hit her so hard.

"You want a cigarette?" I hold the pack up to her face and watch as her eyes fix on me and not on the pack. "They're safe. I didn't put anything in them." I try to offer a smile to lighten the mood, but she doesn't seem anymore relaxed. "I'm gonna untie your gag, but you gotta cooperate, okay? If you scream, I'll cave your face in and I really don't wanna do that." I notice how she flinches when I talk to her. I really don't want to threaten her, but I think it's only fair that she knows what's coming if she disobeys.

I reach over to her and put my hands behind her head. Her hair feels like silk under my fingers. Even after I loosen the tie I leave my hand there for just a second to feel how soft it is. Once the gag hangs loosely around her neck, I sit back and smile at her. I don't really have anything to say to her at that moment, instead, I pack the box of Malboros and select one for her enjoyment.

"Here ya go." I feel my own mouth open as I put the cigarette up to her lips and my heart speeds up when I see her open and close her mouth around the filter. I pick up the candle and hold it close to her face and watch as the flame catches to the end of the butt. "That's better." I light my own cigarette with the candle before I place it back on the floor.

She looks like she's struggling to puff and keep the thin layer of smoke from getting into her eyes. I feel bad for the girl. The least I can do is reach across and take the cigarette away from her mouth to give her a moment to breathe in some of this moldy air.

"What are you gonna do to me?" That's the first time I heard her speak since we left the bar. While we were there I found her voice to be whiny and irritating, but now I like it. It's soft and vulnerable and it quivers with each word she says.

Hmm? What are we gonna do? He doesn't like to do the same thing two nights in a row, and we did so much last night. I have no idea what he's planning. "I don't know. What would you like to do?"

The look she gives me amuses me. I love when they're interactive. I can almost pretend that they're enjoying it as much as I am. "I'd like to go home."

"I can ask if that can happen. But you have to be good." For some reason I like to tell them the rules. I want them to know that if they are pleasing there's a better chance of them just living the memories then not living at all. Of course you always get the ones that take that information and go crazy with it. Those are the ones that piss him the off the most. Those are the ones that don't get to see the next day. Those are the ones we read about in the newspaper while we're sitting around at work talking about everything from sports to the weather.

I place the cigarette back to her lips and she takes a deep breath. I love the way the plume of smoke dances around her face as she exhales. It seems to be working; she seems to be more relaxed. "Why me?" I never understood that question.

"Why not you?" No one is so special that we can't use them. That's why we pick who we do, _because _they're special. "You're perfect for what we need."

"And what's that?" I notice her tears are falling faster as her fear is taking over.

"A fantasy woman." I can feel myself smirk as I hand her back the cigarette. But it was something about seeing her pink tongue touch her bottom lip that ignited something in my belly and turned on a switch in my head. All of a sudden I don't feel like I'm sitting on the floor in this broken down dirty room, instead, I'm running in a field of green grass, chasing fireflies with my friends. I feel free and wild. I feel creative and imaginative. I feel alive.

I don't know how much time passes before I hear him enter the room. All I know is I can't look at him. I can't meet his eyes. "What the fuck happened?" I hear his voice from behind me and it takes everything I have to pull my wet hands from my face.

"I don't know." I can feel the cold stickiness left on my cheeks and the warm tears that run across them. I let my eyes focus on my red hands as the candle flickers and is almost completely burnt out.

I hear his footsteps moving closer to me. He's walking slowly, so I know he's not angry, but that's no excuse. I feel his presence around me when he kneels beside me and places his fingers in my hair. There's nothing I can do but turn to him and wrap my arms around him while I cry against him.

"It's okay, baby." I can feel his lips touch my forehead while he coos and rubs my back. Even though I can't see his face, I know he's looking at the scene on the floor. I know he sees the blood still dripping from where her face once was. I know he notices that her skirt has been pulled away and instead of the gag in her mouth, her panties are half way down her throat. I swear I don't know how she got like that. I don't remember.

Clinging desperately to him, I try to bite back my sobs. "I don't understand why this keeps happening. I can't stop it, Adam. I need help."

With a reassuring smile and his fingers tracing my lips, he shakes his head. "No, Jeff. You don't need help, baby. You just need me."


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: I'm so shocked that the first chapter was recieved so well. I really didn't think you guys would be able to get with this story. I need to say that it gets more graphic and intense as it progresses. Also, there are no original characters in this story. Any of the characters named will be WWE Superstars. _

_Thanks for the love!_

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Scratch the Surface - Chapter 2 

The sun assaults my eyes as soon as I open them. All I can seem to concentrate on is the faintest scent of coffee creeping under the crack of my door. I wonder how I got here. I don't remember coming home, much less stripping my clothes and landing in the bed. And how did I end up in my Michigan shirt? I thought for sure I lost it weeks ago.

The sound of the covers hitting the floor when I swing my legs around pulls me out of my own head for moment. I wish I could sit here and collect my thoughts…give myself time to let the morning fogginess wear off but I can't. I gotta take a leak and the smell of the coffee is making my stomach growl.

I can tell that Adam's up already. The sounds of Lynard Skynard playing in the distance and clanging of frying pan on the largest burner of the stove tells me right away that he's in a good mood. More than likely we're going to have bacon and eggs. That seems to be his breakfast of choice lately. It's not like I don't like it, but sausage would be nice every once in awhile. He says bacon and eggs is like our celebration breakfast. If that's what we're having, then we must've had a good time. Damn. Why can't remember it? I don't have one clear memory, only flashes of things that might have happened. I assume Adam and I took that girl out, but I don't have that excited feeling that I always have when I know that we had a great night.

I never noticed how cold these tiles were until I lean in so I won't drip on the side of the toilet. He hates it when I do that. He's always bitching about having to clean up my piss, like I don't help clean up the mess he makes when we party. He says that's an occupational hazard, and not him being a fucking slob. Whatever. I call it, him being a fucking neat freak. Still, I can't stop the chuckle coming from my lips when the stream hit the side of the bowl but then the pain makes me wince.

Something is wrong, I think. It hurts to piss. Not like on the inside, more like my dick is raw; like I fucked something so hard that I broke the skin. What exactly did we do last night? I wasn't _that_ drunk. I hardly had anything at the bar we went to and I know I didn't do more than two hits of acid. I was going light for a reason. I was so fucked up when we went out the night before that I could barely get it up when we entertained our guest. It doesn't look like I did anything to myself. There's no broken skin or anything, but it still hurts. I wonder if Adam had me doing some crazy shit to that girl, like I did to that one a few weeks ago. Damn, I wish I could remember it. Remembering helps keep the hunger away. Right now, I feel like I haven't done anything; almost like I missed out on a night of partying. This feeling is enough to make me salivate.

The wooden stairs creaking under my weight is enough to alert Adam that I'm awake. I still don't know what time it is. All I know is it's too early to be awake, but late enough that I won't make it to work on time. I don't really care. I feel out of it today. I'll call them and tell them I'm sick or something. I just don't think I could concentrate on that shit today if I tried.

Adam is already sitting down to breakfast, looking like he's been awake for hours. I never understood why he wakes up so early or why he insists that we eat at this little ass table. The tile top circular table and two chairs are minuscule in this large kitchen. It looks so out of place in here. It makes me feel like I'm a little boy and I have to sit at the kids table at Thanksgiving. Adam says he doesn't like a lot of clutter, that's why he went for the smaller table. He'd rather it be small for casual dining because it's cozy… more intimate. I don't really know why we need to be intimate over scrambled eggs but it seems to keep him happy. I like it when Adam's happy.

The chair screeches on the hardwood floor as I pull it back to take a seat. He's sitting there quietly sipping on a cup of coffee and reading the morning paper. He never looks up at me in the morning; most of the time I doubt that he even knows I'm here. "Mornin'."

His hazel eyes lift from the printed text on the page. The slight crumbling of the newspaper being pulled out of his line of sight makes me feel uneasy, but then he smiles. "How'd you sleep?"

I reach for a piece of toast and pull off the crust. My coffee is already at my place on the table, loaded with two shots of vodka, cream and a shit load of sugar, no doubt. Dunking my toast into my coffee, I shrug my shoulders. "Okay, I guess. Why didn't you wake me up?"

"You needed to rest." He answers as if I should already know that. His voice is calm and soothing. I don't know how he always manages to put me at ease. "I called work for you."

"Yeah? What'd you say?"

He folds over the newspaper carefully to accentuate the particular article he's reading. Placing his cup back on the table, he lifts the paper back up to his eyes. "Your mom died." We've killed off everyone else in my family, why not my mom? It doesn't matter that she died when I was a kid. It doesn't matter that I barely remember her. Everyone is expendable when it comes to us partying too hard and needing a day to recuperate.

A bemused look hits Adam's face and he points to a section of the newspaper as if I can see it. "Listen to this. The police discovered the body of a runaway that was already presumed dead, in an abandoned apartment complex. According to crime scene detectives the victim was tied up, tortured and raped. 'I feel sorry for this young woman,' says Detective Batista, homicide. 'From the information we've gathered, she ran away from an abusive foster home two years ago and was thought to be dead. The reason it took us so long to find her was because no one noticed that she was missing.'"

I can't help but to notice the mirth in Adam's voice as he reads the article. There's something in the gleam in his eye that tells me right away she's the girl we picked up at the bar. Poor thing. It sucks that she had such a rough life. "Well at least nobody can hurt her anymore." The dry toast is scratching my throat but the coffee quickly remedies the discomfort.

"'The cause of death was blunt force trauma to the face…'" I feel like I have a massive migraine all of a sudden. My head doesn't really hurt but the flashes of light that shoot through my brain are blinding. "'An object of substantial size was used to crush every bone in her skull sending fragments to her brain.' Detective Batista adds, 'More than likely the victim asphyxiated on impact.' Jesus, Jeff. What did you do to her?"

It's like a dream almost. I can't really remember anything specifically; it just comes back in little snippets. I remember sitting down and talking to her. I remember enjoying a cigarette, but that's it. "Me? The beating and shit, that's your deal." I can feel a smile tickle the corners of my mouth.

"Not this time. Why her face?" Adam folds his hands on the table and studies me with great interest. He's not upset, more like in awe. He gets so excited about these things.

As I reach for my coffee cup, I notice my left hand. It's red and swollen at my web between my index finger and my thumb. I can see a set of perfectly outlined teeth prints that have turned purple from where the skin was broken. Now I can remember how that happened. "She started screaming, so I covered her mouth." I can even feel her bite me, sending a sharp pain through my hand when I struggled to pry her legs open. I wish the memories were vivid, but they're more like me watching someone else through a dense fog. It's vague and not necessarily in order, but the one thing that remains constant is the sound of her screaming. "She bit me."

"'The victim's underwear was found in her mouth.'" Adam's actually laughing at that detail. "That's fucking awesome." He acts like that is something that I should be proud of or that maybe it's something that he wants to try.

"My hand was bleeding and it kept sliding off of her mouth. I had to stop the screaming." A flash of a memory comes to me of me picking up the red laced panties and pushing them into her mouth. It muffled her voice, but I could still hear it. It bothered me. "But then she started gurgling. She was getting on my fucking nerves."

"'The victim's undergarments were lodged in her esophagus, cutting off the oxygen supply to her brain,' explains the detective. 'Whoever did this crime was truly an animal.'" Adam reads along with the article as if to back up my story.

I open and close my hand, staring at the colors it has turned from the bite. There are scratches on my knuckles too, but it doesn't really hurt. Why didn't I notice this before? I should have remembered all of this before Adam read all of that to me. "That sound was horrible. There was a cinderblock, I think. Just a big chunk of something concrete on the floor. I didn't hit her with it. I dropped it on her. I just wanted her to shut the fuck up." I guess that's what killed her.

"Well, Brooke's not screaming anymore, now." Adam's smile is so wide that his eyes crinkle in the corners.

"Who?"

"Brooke. Her name was Brooke." As soon as he says that, I open my mouth and the toast, coffee, bile and everything else that was resting comfortably in my stomach land on the table. I clutch onto the sides of the table, when my stomach muscles contract, forcing more vomit to spew from my lips. I can't really see do to the tears in my eyes, but I do notice Adam stand up and carry his coffee mug and the plate of toast in the sink. He moves so gracefully, so calmly. He's doing this like it's no big deal that I'm puking on the kitchen table.

I think my stomach is finally returning to normal, but I don't know what made me lose it. Maybe it's the fact that she had a name. I hate knowing that they have names. It almost makes them seem real, when I can say what people called them. I can live with the fact that I killed a girl. Can I deal with the fact that I killed Brooke, the throw-away, runaway girl with the annoying voice and the shitty past? Fuck. Why did I have to know her name?

Adam's hand fists my hair and brings my head to rest against his stomach. He presses the damp paper towel to my forehead and then dabs the corners of my mouth. "Shh." He rubs his thumb against my jugular to calm me. "It's okay, Jeff. You told her not to scream. She didn't listen. This wasn't your fault, it was hers."

I don't understand how we got to this point. Adam is the one into torture and pain and hurting and shit. I'm just there for the ride. I fuck them. That's all I do. Sometimes he does things to them and when they're almost broken, I fuck the shit out of them before he finishes them off however he wants. Sometimes they're alive when I get them; sometimes they're not. But one thing remains constant, I don't kill. That's not what I'm there for. We don't switch roles. Adam has never fucked any of them, ever. He gets off on watching me do it. Just like I get off on watching him so happy fucking with them. And then we come home and talk about it and laugh and drink and get fucked up. It's what we do. It's how we have fun. Why did I change that?

I burry my head in Adam's stomach as the last of my tears come out. I guess I'm crying for her, at least I feel like I should be. But I can't really concentrate on that right now because I happen to notice the newspaper tucked under his arm. I pull it out and look at him confused. "Wednesday? How the fuck is it Wednesday?"

"You slept for three days. You always do when you make a mistake." He leans down and places a soft kiss on my hair. "It's okay, though. I made everything better. They'll never know. I even went to work and I talked to the boss. You got nothing to feel sorry for. You just need some rest. You'll feel better after you sleep it off." He helps me from my chair and leads me to the stairs. "I'll bring you some tea and more toast to settle your stomach."

I nod, because I know he's right. I do need to rest. I know he'll take care of me while I try to make peace with what I've done. He'll make sure I don't blame myself. He'll see to it that I eat, sleep, that my job is safe, and that there's no evidence to link me to the crime. Adam will take care of everything.

He always does.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Kelly in this story is Kelly Kelly. _

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Scratch the Surface - Chapter 3 

I have never met anyone like Adam before. He has to be the most together person I know. God, there's so many things about him that I admire…he'll never know about how I feel 'cause I'm sure he'd think I was weak if I told him. But to me, he's got a good head on his shoulders.

He's the kind of guy that rolls up his sleeves and does what needs to be done, no matter what the situation is. If the bills need to be paid, Adam finds the money. If there's a highly stressful situation at work, he jumps in, gets everybody to the shut the fuck up and settles the uneasiness. If I lose control, he's right there with a gentle voice and warm arms to make everything better. If evidence needs to cleared, he's always equipped with a bottle of bleach, or a deep trench…it doesn't matter. He just always seems to know what to do.

Adam takes care of me; that's just what he does. And I don't complain about it. I like being taken care of by him. I'm sure in some way I take care of him, too, but I don't know exactly what it is I do for him. He never complains about it, though. He likes to be in charge. He thrives on being in control of things. He's not controlling by any means, people just naturally defer to his power. We all seem to do without even realizing it. That's probably the most attractive thing about him. When Adam's in control, I feel safe.

He's always the funniest guy in the crowd and the smartest guy at the party. He's the guy that all the ladies want to get to know. He's well traveled, well cultured, interesting, mysterious…he's someone that everyone wants to be like and they all want him to like them. I think that's why we get along so well; he's everything I'm not. I see so many qualities in him that I wish I had. But I know if I did, we wouldn't be together.

I remember the day that I met him. Shit was so deep with me and the only way out was suicide. There was this dingy bar and a table full of shots. I was going to drink myself into a stupor then get behind the wheel of my car and crash into the first thing I saw. But before the last drink was brought to my lips, I noticed this beautiful smile from across the room. Everyone around him was laughing at his jokes, and staring at him with such admiration, but he was looking at me. Adam saw me through a crowd of other people. He didn't say anything, he just raised his glass. But he was so charismatic that I was drawn in. He came over and sat down and we've been inseparable ever since.

I can't describe it. No matter what we're doing, I just feel comfortable around Adam. That is, until he gets angry. Adam doesn't get angry often and almost never at me. But when he does, I know to stay the fuck out of his way. That's why it's so bad tonight. He's pissed but I just can't let him go off like he normally does. Not while Kelly's here.

I don't think she hears him walking the hall. I hardly heard him until I looked at the bottom of the door and saw his shadow there. I know he won't come in here. He doesn't like Kelly and she's not that fond of him. But if I don't go talk to him, he's going to go off and that'll scare the shit out of her. I can't let that happen.

"I'll be right back." I roll over and kiss her neck noticing the way she smiles innocently at me. She readjusts the pillows until she's the hugging one like she was hugging me. "Tell me what I missed." For some reason I'm really into this episode of CSI. I want to know who this Miniature Killer is. I've been waiting all season to find out.

"Okay." She's not really listening to me. She's too interested in what's going on on the television. "Bring me back some ice cream? Two scoops of chocolate…"

I nod. I know what she's going to say next, and that she still feels the need to remind me. "With chocolate Jimmie's on top." A smile creeps on my face when she scrunches her nose at me. I would do anything to see her happy. If only this conversation with Adam was going to be as easy as a bowl of fucking ice cream.

By the time I make it down the stairs Adam is sitting at the table with his arms folded and his lips in a snarl. I haven't seen him this pissed off in a very long time and the worst part is that I know that it's because of me. My steps are quiet in the kitchen and I'm trying my best not to make my presence really known. But before my hand touches the freezer door, Adam moves his chair.

"Why the fuck is she here?" His voice is calm, but it's only a matter of time before it gets louder. He's close enough to me that I can feel his breath on my neck. "You knew that we were supposed to go out tonight. We had plans, Jeff."

I don't understand his hatred of Kelly. She's such a sweet girl. But I also know that I can't tell him that or he'll get more pissed off. "I didn't know she was coming. She just showed up."

"Well now she can just fucking leave." There's an eerie calm in his voice and when I turn around to look at him, his hazel eyes are cold. He doesn't mean what he's saying; I know that, but it still hurts to know that he hates my girl so much. But it's more than that tonight. Adam doesn't take it well when something gets in the way of settling that antsy feeling he gets. With me, the hunger is like a gnawing in my gut that won't go away until I feed it. It's enough to drive me crazy but it's never debilitating. With Adam it's all consuming.

"I'm not telling her to leave, Adam." I'm not afraid of him. I don't know how, I just know that he won't ever hurt me. But I also know where the line is with him and I don't cross it. He just needs to be reminded sometimes that I have a life outside of partying. "I think I need to stay home tonight."

He moves over to the table calmly; this is just the beginning. My eyes close on their own somehow knowing the fate of the vase sitting there. I don't flinch when it crashes against the cabinets over the sink. I know that he needs to let out his frustration and since he won't do it on me, the closest object at hand gets his wrath. I wish I could comfort him, but he's not the type that takes to comfort. He's not like me. He doesn't need someone to help him through the hungry or the guilt. He needs to work through it on his own.

"Fine. Then we'll all stay here." There's a condescending tone in his voice and the smirk on his face as he makes his way to the stairs makes my heart race. Somehow, I manage to move behind him until my hand is on his arm. I know that look in his eyes and my heart goes out to him because of it. I feel bad for him because he's in pain right now, but I refuse to let him touch Kelly.

He pulls his arm away as soon as I touch it, however my hands cradle his face until he looks me in the eyes. "Adam, don't."

He runs his hand through his blonde waves right before he punches the wall. "Why is she so different? I need this." His voice gets louder and this demented smile crosses his lips. He really doesn't care that he's breaking the rules. Kelly is never supposed to be touched.

I knew from the first time I saw her that she needed me. Me and Adam were in a bar on college night, looking for somebody young to party with. She looked so innocent waiting for her friend, like a good little church girl and not the kind we fantasize about breaking. She wasn't really interested in the guy that was trying to get her to leave with him, but he didn't seem to care. I can spot a guy like me from a mile away. He's the type that always has an intense look and smiles at just the right moment. He does little things, like brushes his hand across an arm, stands too close and never takes no for an answer. I had never taken a woman against her will and I wasn't going to let him do that to her either. She seemed so relieved when I slid next to her and put my arm around her shoulder. That innocent look of gratitude was all I could concentrate on and I knew from that moment she needed me.

It didn't take long before that guy's face met the top of the bar and his shoulder separated when I pinned his arm behind his back. It didn't matter that Kelly was scared only that she needed protection. And for the past year I've been the one that protects her, against everything. Nothing will ever hurt her as long as I'm around.

"You know why I'm with her." Adam knows not to question me about Kelly. He knows the plan.

I hate when he laughs at me. It doesn't happen often but it's the one way I know that he disapproves. "You really think you can stop, Jeff? Do you really think that little pixie upstairs is enough to keep you calm? You're fucking delusional."

I don't care what he says. Whenever the hunger is finally settled, I want a normal life. I want the life that my dad told me he had with my mom. I want family, and the house with white picket fence. I wanna be the dad to take my kids to the park and drive across country on family vacations. This thing…this hobby of ours, this life that we share, it's only temporary. One day I'll get my fill. I can feel it each time I feed it; I know what it feels like to be satisfied. I just have to feed it and keep feeding it until it goes away permanently. It'll happen and when it does, Kelly is the woman that I'm going to have that other life with.

"Jeff?" Kelly's voice is faint but I can hear her moving across the floor. I know she's scared and the panic in her voice is enough to make me plead with Adam's eyes. She's afraid of Adam; she's fucking petrified of him. I don't know why because she's never really met him, not that she wants to. She only hears about him through me and of course when he blows a gasket like he's doing now. The side of him she knows about is the side that slams doors and throws shit around. She knows about the side of him that yells and curses and tries his best to take me away from her. It's no condescendence either that he's like that whenever she's around. I think he only gets like that because he thinks she's trying to change me.

"She takes care of me." I know that look of sympathy on Adam's face well. It's not sympathy for her, it's sympathy for me. He knows how hard this is for me and that I hate choosing between them. I love them both and I don't like it when they put me in the middle.

"No, Jeff. I take care of you. That's my job." His eyes soften and so does the harden look on his face. His fingers lovingly touch my cheek and he offers me a sad smile.

"Please, Adam?" He brushes past me on the stairs and slams the front door behind him so hard that the pane of glass cracks. I know I hurt him but it wasn't intentional. I'll make it up to him later. Maybe tomorrow we can get two, one to make up for tonight.

Only her toes are visible on the top of the stairs, almost like she's trying to hide in the shadows. She wants to check on me, I know, because that's the type of person she is. But her fear of Adam will keep her from coming down. "Jeff, are you okay?"

With each step I climb more of her body comes into view. Everything from her pink painted toes to her strong bare calves and thighs barely hidden under the hem of my t-shirt tells me that I made the right decision. Her chest heaves while she tries to steady her nerves but the tears in her eyes are a dead give away. She's afraid for me. "I'm fine."

"Adam's mad again?" Her hand trembles as she reaches out to touch my shoulder. "Should I leave?"

I shake my head at her and put my arms around her. "No. It's fine. He was pissed but he's over it."

"Just like he got over the last time he got pissed?" She lifts my hand to her eyes and stares at the healing bite marks. I don't have the heart to tell her the truth, that Adam didn't do that to me. She wouldn't believe it anyway. If I told her she'd be afraid and I couldn't take it if she were afraid of me. "He scares me, Jeff."

"I won't let him hurt you." Just feeling her cling to me with her fear curbs the hunger within me that I've been trying to ignore. No. I made the right choice. I want to take care of her more than I want to feed.

Kelly needs me right now and I can always feed my hunger tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: This chapter is extremely graphic and contains rape and slash. _

* * *

Scratch the Surface - Chapter 4 

The newspapers have us all wrong. They seem to think that I'm some sort of monstrous sexual predator and that Adam is a sadistic animal. It's not like I'm the type to hide in a dark alley and use chloroform or anything, like some sickos I've read about. I don't prey on people or forced them to do anything they didn't want to do. They always give me permission for whatever I'm up for when they agree to leave with us. And Adam isn't some kind of deviant like they say. He doesn't snatch people up from off the street or walk around with a bag of Medieval torture devices or any of that bullshit. We're nothing like those sick freaks you hear about on the news or those perverts you watch on the television crime dramas.

Me and Adam are just two regular guys, who happen to have a hobby. Some people collect stamps or coins or other inanimate objects, they do extensive research to figure out what they're missing and look all over to find the perfect piece to add to their collection. We aren't much different. We don't select just anybody. A lot goes into picking the perfect person that's lucky enough to be invited to one of our parties.

We don't really have a type, I don't think. It really doesn't matter what they look like or what color eyes or hair they have. We don't have a sick fascination with brown eyed brunettes or hate women in general or any of that other shit. With us, it's all about the attitude, kinda like a vibe. I can't really describe what it is we look for. But we've been doing this long enough that I can spot what we need when I see it.

They've turned the lights out on the dance floor and only the blue and red strobe lights show the crowd. It doesn't matter; from the light of the bar I can still see everything. And I don't care that the music is so loud that I can't hear myself think. I've already spotted the one and I don't even notice the music anymore.

My eyes haven't strayed from the small body dancing on the speaker stack. Blonde hair, small frame and a toned body swaying to the music…this one is beautiful. For over an hour everyone who approaches has been turned down, I know, I've been watching. We're going to have to do this one right. One wrong move and we may be sitting at this club all night waiting for someone else suitable to come along. And that won't do. I have my heart set on this and anything else will not quench this thirst.

Adam and I haven't spoken about the blonde, we don't have to. I can see through the thin layer of smoke from my cigarette that his eyes are fixed on the dancing body, too. He's thinking what I'm thinking; we're usually on the same page about these things. My hand reaching over to put the butt out in the ashtray is what pulls Adam's gaze from the dance floor to my face. He looks at me with intense eyes and I simply nod my head.

I usually scope them out, but he's the one that always approaches. Adam has a knack for talking to people. He can make the most uptight person feel at ease with just smile. I seem to talk a lot and ask a lot of questions. I guess some people consider that a turn off. I'm not upset by it. If it takes Adam to get what we need that's fine. We still get it, so I don't have anything to complain about. And we can't afford any mistakes, not with this one.

The wetness from the sweating tumbler in my hand seems to send a calming chill through my entire body. The gnawing in my stomach makes me feel like I'm running a fever, like my whole body is about to ignite. It's only been four days since we were out last, but I swear it feels like an eternity. I think it's so bad tonight because I don't fully remember the last time. I don't have all of the memories that I like to keep close to me to settle my stomach and stop the itching in my blood. I feel like a vampire right now; like I need to feed. God, I hope Adam doesn't fuck this one up.

I feel myself biting on the filter of the unlit cigarette between my lips to keep my anticipation at bay. I let my eyes fix on the small body next to Adam's as they make their way to our table. Adam takes a seat and so does the blonde. I won't say anything, not yet. I'll get to talk after when we go back to warehouse. When Adam leaves to get his head together, that's when I'll have all the conversation I need.

"You want a drink?" Adam leans over toward the blonde with his elbows resting on the table. The smile on his face is electrifying and he knows it. He's so damn good at charming people.

Shaking his head, the blonde smiles back. "I don't remember seeing you here before." He's such a small man, but he's so pretty. His face is soft, almost like a girl's and his bob hair cut reminds me of how I wore my hair in grade school. I have to stop myself from reaching out and touching a strand of it because I don't want to scare him off. Especially not since I owe Adam for last night and I want him so badly for myself.

It dawns on me that I haven't lit my cigarette yet. I reach across the table to grab my lighter, but the blonde reaches for it first. He flicks it open and holds the flame up to my face, like he's toying with me. He is definitely the one and Adam sees it, too. Adam doesn't have to ask, he wants it. The fucking blonde is begging for it and we're going to give it to him.

"I've never been here before." Adam smiles coyly redirecting the blonde's attention away from the paper catching fire and the smoke billowing from the end of the Marlboro. He's getting excited. I always know when Adam is about make the move because he drums his fingers in a haphazard rhythm on the table.

The blonde smiles, like this is a game to him. He has no idea how he's about to be played. He's flirting with Adam, driving him crazy. "No? Never? This is your first time?"

Batting his long lashes over his hungry eyes Adam nods. "I'm a virgin." The blush on the blonde's cheeks is all Adam needs. He's giving permission for us to take him. "You wanna get outta here?" Adam cuts to the chase with this one. He usually plays around with them more. With us, it's not about taking anyone. We always invite our guests. If they decline the invitation, we wait until we find another one. But if they accept, then they're accepting of everything we want. And this poor boy just nodded.

Without saying anything, I pick up my lighter and pack of cigarettes from off of the table. It wasn't conveyed, but it's a given that I'm going with them. He understood that when he looked at me. He wants both of us and we both want him. I make sure to walk behind he and Adam as we make our way through the club, so I can watch the way the blonde's hips sway. This is going to be so much fun.

Not even the ringing in my ears from leaving the noisy club to the now quiet street is enough to make me concentrate on anything else but showing our new friend the best time. It's only a few feet to the car and then the party begins. I'm so excited that I have to stuff my hands in my pockets because if I could grab him now and do what I wanted, I would. Adam notices the way I'm trying to get control of myself and after he lets the blonde into the front seat, he pulls me aside and strokes my hair. "It's okay, baby. He's ours."

Nodding my head, I let out a deep breath. I love the anticipation...this feeling of euphoria. It's like knowing the hunger is growing in just a matter of hours I'm going to get to feast until it's sated. "I know." I try to keep myself from smiling, but I can't. I'm giddy with the prospect of the things I can do to him. I want it so badly my dick is already hard.

I watch Adam close his door behind him from the back seat and without any thought to it my hand starts to pull at my zipper. Adam's hand reaches out to stroke the shiny hair on the blonde's head and I let out the laugh I've been holding in. By the time Adam slams the boy's head into the dashboard, I'm already stroking my cock. The blonde doesn't say anything else, he's knocked out I think, but I can see Adam wiping the blood on the boy's shirt before he reaches over to buckle him in. We can't take any chances of him getting hurt in accident or the police stopping us for a seatbelt violation. We're also so careful and we take good care of our company.

"Lock your door, Jeffy." Adam's voice calm and soothing and momentarily pulls me out of the feeling of my hand stroking myself. He turns around to look at me and shakes his head with an amused smile. "Let's go have some fun."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The sound of dripping water is what I have to concentrate on so I don't have to listen to him scream. I love to watch Adam work. He's so good at it and enjoys himself so much. There is nothing more beautiful to me than to see him smile, but I hate it when they scream. These fucking people always want to come, they always want to party, but when they get here they want to fucking ruin it by screaming. It doesn't work that way. They need to make up their minds. They either want to party or they don't. There is no in between. They don't get to decide they're not into it. What the fuck do they think this is?

I had to get out of that room. His fucking screaming was driving me crazy. Tying him up had been the easy part, because he was still unconscious. I didn't even mind waiting for him to come to. At least he was quiet. I really wish that he would have been awake, though. While Adam was gone we could've had a conversation or maybe had a smoke together. But the kid wanted to sleep. I just sat next to him on the table that he was tied to watching his chest rise and fall and the blood slowly dripping from nose.

I'm still staring at the leaky pipe on the wall. The water has collected into a puddle on the floor and it's slowing eating away the concrete. I guess this place one time housed tires, because it still smells like rubber and there are still some carotid hubcaps piled in corner. I wonder why it closed. The building itself is still structurally sound, beside the fact that there are no lights and there's a bunch of rusty metal in here, it's really not that bad.

"Jeff?" I really don't want to go back in that room. That fucking guy is still screaming. I mean after awhile I would think he'd learn that Adam doesn't care that he's hurting him. Don't your senses shut off after awhile? Isn't that what makes some people pass out from pain? The cheese grater can't hurt that bad if he's still conscious and alert enough to scream about it.

I don't really like blood and I know he's leaking a shit load of it right now. Of course this would be the time that Adam decides that I get him, once he's already bleeding. Blood is hard to wash out and I swear I always smell it on my hands. "Can't you shut him the fuck up?" I step into the room and no matter how much he's bleeding and looks warn out, my dick is rock hard.

Adam nods and in one quick motion he punctures the boy's jugular with the wine cork he pulls from his bag. He doesn't push into his neck deep enough to kill him right away, but he it's deep enough to start blood flow. The gurgling doesn't really bother me, it's the fucking wheezing I can't deal with. I think Adam sees the irritation on my face because he frowns. "He's ready for you."

I notice how the pumping blood from his neck collects with his blood that had already pooled on the floor. My approach to him is swift because I want him to still be warm and to see me before he dies. I think I like them better this way. I love it when they're still alive because they really get into it. The way they kick their legs, scratch and bite…I know they're enjoying it as much as I am. But they still fucking make noise. This way, this way they're quiet and their eyes look right at me. I'm the last thing they see before they die and once they're dead, I can do whatever I want.

This one is exceptionally beautiful. That look of shear terror on his face gets me so hard that all I can do is push into him without noticing his blood smearing on my thighs. His eyes growing gray and cloudy but he still knows what I'm doing to him. "Please?" I hear his faint whisper and it makes something in me snap. I fist his hair and slam his head back on the table. I keep doing it until he shuts up.

Adam's laughing in the background. This is the part he loves the most. He loves to watch me fuck them. I can hear him grunting behind me and when I turn to look at him, he's fucking pumping his cock in his hand. I don't understand why he doesn't want to try this. "Fuck him hard." His voice is a harsh growl as his hand pumps harder.

The blonde's eyes are completely lifeless now. They're staring straight at me and for some reason I can't stop laughing. He's so fucking tight. I know I have to finish soon before his muscles stop contracting. If he shits on my dick I swear I will cut his ass up into little pieces.

There it is. The moment I've been waiting for. That final gasp of air, that realization that he's dead... that's the money shot. I don't think I can stop cumming. I hear a growl that sounds almost desperate and I can only assume it's from me. I toss the table over with the blonde still attached to it. I don't need to look at him anymore. I got what I needed. My blood is finally settled.

Adam's hand on my shoulder is what makes me realize I'm panting. I know that it's time to clean up but I don't feel like doing it now. I want to go home and crawl into bed. I'm exhausted. It's been a long night. Adam must know how I'm feeling because he doesn't say anything to me like he normally does. Instead, he pours gasoline on the floor and table, and points to the lighter in my pocket with a smile. Lighting the blonde locks on the dead man lying there, I look back at Adam pouring two glasses of wine. He hands me a glass and we toast. "You ready to go?"

I love the way the fumes look while sipping on my drink. Everything looks wavy and there's a hint of blue and yellow dancing in the air. The smell is heavenly and it reminds me that I haven't had dinner. "Yeah. Can we stop by Burger King?"

Sated, full and now showered, I lay on my bed and close my eyes. I had so much fun tonight and I know I will sleep peacefully. I look over at my cell phone lighting up on the night table and smile. "Hey, Kelly." Just hearing her voice and knowing that she's alright is the perfect ending to my day.

Adam's happy, I feel normal again, Kelly's safe…life is good.


	5. Chapter 5

Scratch the Surface - Chapter 5

Equal parts of red and white make the vilest color known to man, pink. I don't like pink, especially, when hints of yellow, orange and blues are added to make shades of peach and cotton candy. It really fucks me up. I don't like it, or variations of it, but I can normally ignore it in Kelly's dorm room. Today though, the color pink is getting on my fucking nerves.

Kelly's room looks like a five year old's. Everything in there is some hideous shade of pink with white trim. Unicorns, teddy bears and little porcelain things decorate her shelves and the bed is always perfectly made with a fluffy pink and white comforter …it's just so innocent. I shouldn't be all that surprised, the room reminds me of her. Sweet…girly…perfect. Her room is usually a place that calms me down. It's like a symbol of everything good in life. But today it's driving me insane. I had to get out of there otherwise I was going to jump out of my damn skin.

I can't figure out why I'm so edgy. This routine for me. I go out, have fun, spend time with Kelly to get things back into perspective and then after a few days, the feeling starts again. I know I've been wanting it more often than before, but usually not the next day. Whenever it gets persistent like this, Kelly is the one that can make me forget about it. But right now it's not working.

I usually feel better when I'm with her. She gives me something else to concentrate on other than the feeling of wanting to go out. When I'm with her, her happiness is the most important thing. Especially, since she's cries a lot. She's like a little girl that's not in control of her emotions. Whether she's happy, sad or scared, the tears are the same. I know it sounds weird, but I like when she cries because I can make it all better. When I'm with her, my purpose is to make sure she's happy. I'm so busy with that, that partying doesn't cross my mind…not a lot anyway. At least the gnawing in my gut doesn't seem as bad and I don't tend to salivate as much.

Today is different for some reason. Today, everything is getting on my fucking nerves. My heart is about to jump out of my chest, this fucking anxiety is overwhelming. Why is it so bad? I partied last night; I shouldn't even be wanting it again this soon.

I guess I can ignore it. It's not like I can't function without it. It's more irritating than anything, like a constant nagging. I can hear it calling me from far away, but it's getting louder by the minute. I bet it was because I had to rush last night. I had to hurry up before that boy died and that's why the need is still there. I hate to fucking rush.

If we go out tonight, I'm gonna do it slow; take my time and get my fill. I'm going to do everything I want and I won't have a time limit. That's the only way to make my palms stop sweating and get my heart finally slow down. Yeah, going slow will make it better. It has to, because I hate this feeling.

My hand shakes as I bring the lighter to the end of my cigarette, but it stops as soon as the taste of menthol enters my mouth. My lungs open up, clouding with thick smoke and a sudden calm washes over me. My eyes close on their own as the head rush take over. It's not as good as joint, but it'll do for right now.

Her arms come around my waist and I roll my head over to look at her. She looks like she's worried about me. I have been a little quiet today, and there's really no good explanation I can give her. She just thinks I'm not feeling well.

I'm not.

"You okay?" Her lips poke out in a pout as she rests her chin on my arm. She can't see the bruise on my shoulder under my long sleeve shirt, but it hurts. I think it must have happened carrying the blonde from the front seat to the warehouse. It was hard to maneuver him from the way he was sitting in the car to draping him over my shoulder. I must have bumped up against the car door or something because now there's a huge bruise there.

Trying not to flinch, my arm comes around her shoulder and pulls her closer to me. "Fine." For the most part that's true. I do feel better holding Kelly. It's enough for now, but it won't be for long.

"Let's go for a walk." She grabs my hand and pulls me behind her. This campus is crawling with people I could party with. If Adam were here right now, we'd have a field day. There are so many bored people around just looking to have fun. We could have our pick of them and show them the best time. I shouldn't be thinking like this. Not when I'm with Kelly.

I need to concentrate on anything else but what I'm feeling right now. As the leaves crunch under my feet, I watch the way Kelly kicks them with each step she takes. She's so graceful and childlike; she's going to make the perfect mother for my children. This hobby is just that; a hobby. Adam can't see how I can be so sure, but watching Kelly and the impish way she moves, the concerned way she stares, the careful way she worries about me, I know that when this over it'll work out with us. She's exactly the transition I need from this phase of life to my next one.

She loves me and I think I love her. At least that's what I tell myself all the time. I love that I'm going to marry her and that she's going to raise my children. I love that she's so innocent and that she knows that I won't hurt her. I love the way she needs me. That means I love her, right? It doesn't matter really. I will love the life that I'm supposed to have with her.

Her hand grips mine tighter as we approach the people standing in the middle of the quad. Something is off. They're huddled around one guy, hanging on his every word, whispering to each other, shrugging, and offering sympathy every now and again. Kelly's arms wrap around mine and her head leans on my shoulder, like she's feeling their pain. "His boyfriend didn't come home last night."

I look from her worried blue eyes to the brown eyes of the dark haired man standing there. His irises are red and his bottom lids are puffed out and pink. He's been crying; bawling even. The look of terror in his eyes is reminiscent of the way Kelly looks when she talks about Adam. He's petrified and for some reason my stomach starts to drop because of it.

The toe of my Doc Marten creates a small hole in the ground as I twist my foot to extinguish the cigarette. I can't stop staring as Kelly moves to stand in front of the dark hair boy. She knows him; she's feeling his pain. It's enough to make me want to hurt him so he can stop hurting her. "London? Still no word?"

Fresh tears spring to London's eyes when he shakes his head. "We had a fight last night. A few people said they saw him dancing at Danger. We fight all the time, but he always comes home. He hasn't called or anything. Brian always calls."

"Maybe he just needs time to get his head together." My voice comes out soft and unsure. I don't even know why I spoke. Kelly's head turns in my direction and my throat starts to close.

Brian. This 'Brian' is the boy from last night, he has to be. He was the one at Danger. He was the one that talked about his boyfriend with Adam as we walked to the car. Shit. His name was Brian. He wasn't just the blonde tramp that we met at a club, but a kid, a college student with a boyfriend and friends, including my girl. He had a real life, like he was a real person. Why the fuck did he have to be real? He was just supposed to be a good time, not a person with a life outside of that moment.

By the time I open my eyes and steady myself on my feet, Kelly's arms are around me again. I can't stand to be around her right now. Those innocent blue eyes are tearing into me at a level like I've never known before. Kelly is hurting and it's because of me. She's worried about her friend because of something I've done. I'm supposed to be the one to protect her and I've done just the opposite. London's concerned eyes for Brian are exactly how Kelly's eyes cloud over with concern for me. "Jeff? Are you alright?"

My head shakes as I try to keep myself from throwing up. "I don't feel so hot. I'm gonna take off." I offer her a smile to keep her calm, but she doesn't seem to be convinced by it. Her forehead is warm on my lips and her body is soft in my arms, but this is all I can give her right now. The guilt is like a molten lava creeping up my neck. I know my cheeks are turning red and the pounded in my head lets me know right away that this isn't going to end well. "I'll call you later." Turning to London, I stuff my hands in my pockets and refuse to meet his eyes. "I hope your friend turns up soon."

I barely manage to get around the building before I bend at the waist and try to catch my breath. I hate to hyperventilate. My hands rest on the top of my thighs as I try to control my breathing. I'm almost gulping in air but it isn't helping. The only thing it's doing is making my throat burn and my lungs feel like they're going to explode. "Fucking Brian. Motherfucker." Muffled curses pour from my lips, while I stumble my way to the car door. The wheezing in my chest doesn't stop, but it slows when I focus my attention to the fact that that fucker had a fucking name. How dare he?

I don't give a fuck about him or what we did to him. But I care that the people he left behind are worried. They have no idea how we partied with him. They don't know that my face was the last one he saw before he stopped breathing all together. Would Kelly cry if she knew that Adam beat him and skinned parts of his body? Would she be devastated if knew that his skull was probably cracked when I slammed his head on the table repeatedly? Would it break her heart to know that we set him on fire and stood around to watch his body burn?

I can't hurt Kelly. She needs me and I did this to her. I can't handle this.

I don't know how I make it home, but when I look up, I'm already making my way up the stairs. I feel sick, shaky... confused. I don't know what to do. The only thing I can do is open Adam's door and close it quietly behind me. He's asleep, but he knows I'm here, because he moves over and pulls back the covers. My movements are slow, but I manage to make it to the bed and curl myself close to him. "Brian. His fucking name was Brian." My voice cracks while I try to catch my breath. "He was real, Adam. With a life and friends, and…"

"It's alright, baby." His voice is a gentle whisper and his safe arms wrap protectively around me. "I'm here."

Nodding my head against his chest, I feel the tears slip from my eyes. "Make it better." This is where I need to be. I just need to be in his arms and let him protect me like only he can. "Don't let me go."

"Never."


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: I know that this isn't your typical fanfiction story. But let me just tell you how much fun I'm having writing it. Everyday, I think so something else and I can't wait to get it down on paper. It may not be that popular, but man is it fun!_

_Thanks for reading it and I'm glad that some of you are feeling sorry for Jeff. Personally, I just want to give his crazy ass a hug._

_xoxoxo_

_Shanny_

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Scratch the Surface - Chapter 6

The humidity in the air is like a blanket over my nose. It's hard to breathe and all of the mold and dust in here isn't making it any easier. There's a window in the far corner, but I can't really get to it, unless I move all of the wooden chairs piled in front of it. Judging from how old this place is, I doubt if it'll even open. But it's too damn hot in here not to try.

I step carefully across the room because most of the floor boards are weak. Wonder what's underneath of this place? Probably a crawl space, but I'm not really willing to break my leg to find out. Each step has to be deliberately slow and careful as on my approach the window.

Adam is standing close to the old mantel bouncing on his toes. "Here's a weak spot." Shifting his weight on the different parts of the plank, he discovers one of the flaws with the floor. Definitely something we need to be aware of. He steps cautiously to the iron grates in front of the fireplace and starts to pull on them. "These are sturdy though." Pulling until he's red in the face, the grates don't move. They are bolted into the stone structure and have probably rusted into place. That's a really good sign.

Placing one foot directly in front of the other, I count the number of steps it takes me to get from the front door to the window. I know when it gets dark I won't be able to see my hand in front of my face and I need to know how to navigate my way around this room. Exactly twenty-five paces. Not bad for a guy that wears a size ten shoe. If our guest is a woman, it will take her more because her feet are going to be smaller; that give us an advantage. "Twenty-five." I look over at Adam and he nods, making a mental note of the possible escape route.

The chairs, if they can even be considered that, aren't really heavy. They're more messy than anything. Most of them are breaking apart in my hands and kicking up more dust each time a piece of wood hits the floor. I think the dust is upsetting the maggots happily living in the dead raccoon lying there, because they're starting to squirm around on the windowsill. Not that it matters much now. They can't escape. The damn window is painted shut. Fuck. It better be cool when we use this place or else I'm not going to be in a very good mood. I don't like to be hot.

Adam's hand on my shoulder makes me turn around and before I can fully face him, I see his foot lift off the floor. He kicks out a pane of glass and smiles at me. "Better?" Almost immediately I feel the breeze from the trees outside breathe life into the room and carry out some of the moldy smell. I can't help but to smile at him. He always knows what I need without me having to tell him.

Nodding, I close my eyes at the feeling of his lips on my forehead. "Where'd you find this place?" We're out in the middle of nowhere. This cabin was built out in the woods for a reason, apparently. Whoever lived here before, did not want to be disturbed.

"The one I buried a few weeks ago. It's not that far from here. I found it on my way back." Adam turns and looks around the room with a proud look on his face. This spot is truly a rare find.

I look out the hole in the window at the creek flowing just beyond the shrubbery. Not only do we have a place where we can just be ourselves and party without worrying about someone interrupting us, but we also have a view. "It's beautiful." If I could spend all day looking out of this dusty window, I probably would, but I know that there is much more to discover.

Walking the twenty-five paces back to the door of the cabin, I turn around to only to see Adam venturing off into the adjoining room. It takes fourteen paces from the entrance to get to the first of the broken and cracked stone stairs leading up to the second level. These stares are tricky and if I'm not careful, they're going to crumble under my weight. It's dangerous, I know, but we don't take chances. We need to know everything about where we are so if by chance our company decides they no longer want to party; we know where they will try to go and what condition they'll be in when we find them.

The third step is really wobbly and probably won't last if I put all of my weight on it. Instead of chancing it, I skip that one and place my foot on the step above it. From where I stand I can see the open floor plan of the upper level. It's just one big room, like an attic almost. There's little to nothing up here; mainly bird shit, a few dead rats, a bat or two and a big ass hole in the roof. The floor is completely rotted through to the point where I can see the exposed joyces that were used to create the floor. Apparently the termites haven't eaten through to the ceiling yet because I didn't notice any holes while I was downstairs.

There's nothing we can use up here. I can't step on the floor because just pushing my hand on one spot sends a board straight through. I flinch at the crash it makes on the floor below. "Sorry!" I don't think Adam even hears me because he doesn't answer. Taking one final look at this room, I notice a small door hidden in a corner just below a huge spider web. I have to check it out, even if it means that I actually go through the ceiling myself.

You get use to crawling around in dark, dirty places after awhile. Not the sheen of dirt covering my knees nor the blood on my palms, from the where the jagged pieces of bare wood of the ceiling beams cutting into them, are really noticeable. My only concern is getting across the room to that door. I make sure to keep my weight steady. Sliding one leg and one hand across the beams in even strokes, I listen intensely to the wood creaking under me. On all fours, it takes me less than thirty seconds to make it across to my destination. That information might come in really handy.

The door opens without protest, but I can't see anything inside. A flick of the lipstick flashlight illuminates the crawlspace enough for me to see what I want to. The area is barely bigger than a closet and there are all kinds of hooks, chains and tackle stored within. "Fishermen." It makes sense. There's a creek right down the way. This secluded cabin was probably some fisherman's home away from home at one point in time. I would love to have seen it when it was functional.

Gathering as much of the stuff from as inside as I can, I slide it along the floor back toward the stairs. Peering down from the landing, I see Adam standing in the front room tapping his finger against his bottom lip. He's got a vision, that look on his face is a dead give away. "Catch."

He looks up with happy eyes and moves toward the stairs to see what it is that I've found. His smile gets wider with each item I throw down to him. "All this shit was upstairs? This place is fucking amazing!"

"Watch the third step..." I hadn't had a chance to tell him about it before he starts up to catch the bait box that lands just short of his grasp. He wobbles on it, and manages to jump down before the step completely slides off of the platform it was resting on.

Picking himself up from off the floor, he dusts off his pants and claps his hands together to get the wet leaves off of them. "That it?" When I nod, he gathers the items and carries them over to the fireplace.

Carefully, I make my way down the stairs, jumping from the fourth step to the floor. I see that Adam's found more shit from the other room that he has now placed in front of the fire place. A hatchet, sheets and something that resembles a bed frame. "What's all this?"

"I haven't really figured out what it's all for yet, but give me a few hours. There's a bunch of other shit in there, too." With a shrug he turns to me and gives a sheepish smile. "There's a mattress in there, if you want it."

A mattress? This place is like the fucking North Pole and Adam is Santa Claus. I don't know the last time I was able to do it on a mattress, excluding being with Kelly. Usually I get a chair, table or the floor. Not that I mind, but with the condition of our accommodations being what they are, I usually end up with cuts and scrapes on me because of it. But a mattress? The possibilities are endless.

"So what do you think? You like it?" Adam looks so hopeful when he turns to face me and takes both of my hands in his.

I'm so impressed with his find, words can't even describe it. "It's perfect, Adam. I love it." I squeeze his hands before turning toward the other room. "What's that room like?"

Running a hand through his blonde waves, he shrugs. "A bunch of junk mostly. But I figure if we pull out everything we need into this room and pile all of this shit front of that door, we can just party here." I follow behind him and take a look at all of the things left behind from the previous owner including the piles of nude magazines scattered around the room. People and their porn. I'll never understand those perverts.

It only takes a minute to drag out the mattress and we toss it in the front room along with everything else. Adam returns with a few lanterns and oil and they go on top of the mantle. Right now, this place looks like shit, but over the next few days, we'll set it up how we want it. After Adam gets an idea of where he wants everything placed and what exactly he wants to try, this place will be a palace.

We walk in silence toward around the back of the cabin and push past the bushes to see the creek. "Hey, Adam? You think we can actually keep this place? Like a place just for us?" I feel like a child with my request, but I'm attached to it. This could be our home away from home just like it was for those fishermen. Sure, Adam and I have a house together that's beautifully decorated and is warm and inviting, but we don't have a place to play together. Adam's always complaining that with the amount of time we spend scoping out locations, we're seriously cutting in on the amount of parties we could have. And I have to agree. If we had one place, we could party all the time. "With this place we could entertain whenever we wanted to. And if we rigged the floor upstairs, you could keep them in that little closet. Or we could use the fireplace? And of course, there's always this creek, if you wanted to get rid of them?" Probably sound desperate, but I want this so badly. "I don't know. It just seems like we could be happy here."

"If you want it Jeff, it's ours. You know I'd give you anything you wanted." The serenity in his voice makes my cheeks feel flush. Just standing at the mouth of the creek looking at the murky water flowing happily downstream, and knowing that we have a place to call ours makes me feel so completely at peace. I know that I wouldn't want to share what I'm feeling with anyone but Adam. He's the only one that can understand why I'm so happy. "Happy anniversary." He looks down at his watch and then up to my eyes. "It's getting late. You gotta get out going."

It's been five years already? It seems like it's only been a few months since we discovered that we have so much in common. As much as I'd like to stay and think about our years together, I know he's right. I have to get home and showered before I pick up Kelly. She's going home for a week and I want to spend some time with her before she leaves. I'm not sure what Adam's going to do tonight, but he promised to give me and Kelly uninterrupted time together. Knowing him like I do, he'll probably end up back here and work on getting everything in order.

We found a house, and I'm going to spend some time with Kelly. This is the best anniversary with him that I've ever had.


	7. Chapter 7

Scratch the Surface - Chapter 7

The smell of apples tickles my nose as soon as I roll over. Sleep has been damn near impossible tonight and Kelly's fruit scented shampoo interrupts the light slumber I've been wrestling with for the past hour. It smells good though; fresh and soft, like she is, but it's still unsettling. Opening my eyes, I let them settle on her blonde hair and sigh.

There is no good reason for me to be awake right now. Between work, checking out the cabin, dinner and a movie, then coming back here and making love to Kelly, I should be exhausted. But for some reason I'm not. No matter how exhausted I am physically my mind is racing a thousand miles per minute.

With the lamp now on, I reach over for the ashtray and pack of cigarettes. As soon as the end is lit, I close my eyes and let the menthol relax my nerves. This is fucking ridiculous. If I really want to relax, I have a half a pound of weed and a gram of coke in my night table. A Primo would really do the trick, but Kelly wouldn't go for that. She doesn't exactly know anything about my other life, or what kinds of things I do in my spare time. Can't exactly spring up the fact that I like to get high every now and then on her. Not when we're getting to the point in our relationship when I'm about to take it to the next level.

Tonight something dawned on me. Adam and I have been at this for five years. That means I'm five years closer to being able to stop. Now with this cabin we can entertain ourselves until we finally get enough and then I can to ask Kelly to marry me. As much as I want that, the thought of leaving Adam scares the shit out me. He's been my rock for so long, I honestly don't know what I'd do without him. And I really can't see myself having a crisis and walking out on Kelly to go find him to make it all better. That should be her job, right? But it can't be. She can't take care of me, because I have to take care of her. She wouldn't understand what goes on in my mind and she's never seen me not have my shit together.

"Where are you going?" Kelly's eyes barely open when her hand touches the warm spot where I once was. She's a light sleeper and the slightest movement from me usually wake her up.

Stepping into my boxer shorts, I lean over and kiss her head. "To the bathroom. Go back to sleep." She nods her head at the whispered sound of my voice and drifts back off. I cover her chest with the sheet that is gathered around her lower half. When I was lying next to her, my body kept her covered, but now she's exposed. There's something that happens to me when her most intimate parts are uncovered. I feel unsettled. It's like it takes away her innocence. The only time I don't feel the need to shield her is when we're together and even then she's protected from anyone else seeing her by me.

My toes sink into the carpet as I make my way to Adam's room. I've always loved the way the hallway opens up upon the approach to where he sleeps. His door is cracked, it always is. He knows that sometimes I just need to be around him. It doesn't matter what time of day of it is, or what else he's got going on, he always leaves the door cracked for me to come in whenever I need to. The funny thing is he almost never comes to my room to see if I'm alright. It's like a given that if I need something, I go to him.

"What's wrong, baby?" The smell of soap and shampoo wafts throughout his bedroom as soon as I open the door. He's sitting on the bed watching television, but as soon as he sees me, he turns it off. His hands fold neatly in his lap, the weight of which pulls his sheet down far enough to expose his naked hip bone to me.

His dirty clothes are piled in the corner. Judging from the dirt on them, I'd guess he spent his evening at the cabin. "Nothing." I stand in the doorway until he invites me in further. I can't take my eyes off of him. Everything he does is mesmerizing.

Adam pats the side of the bed next to him and pulls back the covers enough so that I know that's where he wants me. Obediently I make my way across the room and sit down. I place the ashtray on his night stand and look over at him as he hands me the EZ Wider paper. "You're lying." He knows me so well.

These are the nights that I'll be giving up when I marry Kelly. It's not likely that I'll be sitting in bed with her, rolling a joint, and about to pour my heart out. "I don't know. Just a lot of shit."

Adam's arm around my bare back sends a comforting warmth throughout my body. My head finds its way to his bare chest and my eyes close at the feeling. "Like what?" His voice vibrates through his chest sending a tickle to my ear that I can't help but to smile at.

"What's gonna happen when we stop?" I know how he feels when I talk about stopping, but no matter how he tries to calm that fear, part of me will not settle. He sighs into my hair and his hand traces a path up and down my spine.

I can feel him watching me as I sit up and try to concentrate on sprinkling the marijuana onto the paper and not on the tears touching my eyes. It doesn't matter how much I try to mask it, he knows me. His hand touches my chin and turns my face toward him. "Nothing will change, Jeff. You think you want that other life, but you don't. _We_ have a life together."

"But Kelly…"

A bright smile cuts his face and his eyes light up at the mention of her name. "She can have the babies and we'll take of them. We can teach them everything we know. We don't need her." His future doesn't include her and he never makes mention of her with regards to us. I don't think he believes me when I tell him that we're not going to do this forever.

I nod and turn my attention back to the joint in my hand, sprinkling a small amount of the white powder in the mini envelope on top. Sitting the brown envelope next to the bag on the bed, I slowly fold over the paper and raise it to my tongue to wet the ends. Twisted the Primo into perfection, I hand it to Adam, before starting to role one of my own. "But how long can we do this? Every one of them has a fucking name, or a life. No matter how much they want us, they all have something they leave behind." The smell of the joint hits me immediately and my head lightens at the contact. I have to look the paper in I'm folding in my hand so that I don't have to meet his eyes. "It was easier when we'd just leave them…even if they were fucked up. I didn't black out then."

"You only black out when they make you angry." Adam's voice is thick with the smoke that he's trying to keep in his lungs. There's a cough and then the sound of him sipping on the joint. I love the silky way his voice sounds when he's smoking. "If they would just fucking listen, they could walk away."

The laugh that comes out of my mouth makes Adam laugh, too. It's bullshit and we both know it. Even if they were left alive, there's no way in hell they'd be able to walk anywhere. Adam always makes sure of that. "I'd like to see that."

"Well, maybe not walk." He holds the lighter to the end of my joint and smiles when I gulp in the smoke. Tossing it on the covers, he leans back against the headboard and closes his eyes. "It just feels natural, ya know? It's nothing better than coming home from a hard day's work and knowing that I'm going to be able to hang out with my soul mate and have a night to remember. And I do, Jeff. I remember every night."

He always calls me his soul mate. I feel like he's mine, too. Best friends doesn't really seem to cover it. There is nothing that I'm embarrassed about with him. We're just two guys that get and need each other. I don't think that I could ever have as intimate of a relationship with anyone as I do with Adam. There isn't anything that I need that I can't go to him for. There isn't anything that he wouldn't do for me. All the fears, the pain, the questions, the freak outs… the laughter, the happiness, the elation… the rush, the adrenaline, the pleasure…I feel all of it most intensely when I'm with him. And truthfully, I love the fact that he's there to share it with me.

"Me, too." I choke off the smoke right before the giggling starts. "Just scared that you won't be there if I need you one day."

Adam sits up and places his joint in the ashtray. I feel his hand on my back moving up toward my neck and the soft grip he places on it. Without asking my permission, he pulls my head down to his chest before reclining back against the headboard with me. "Baby. I'm always gonna be here. You know that. I don't care what happens in the future. I'm never going to leave you. I'm never going to let anyone come between us." He lifts my joint of out my hand and places it next to his, allowing me to wrap my arm around his bare waist and enjoy the feeling of comfort that he is providing. "I know you, Jeff. I know your heart. You're a good person, but you have to give yourself permission to enjoy life. We help those people. We show them a world that they didn't know they wanted. You've see how much they enjoy it. They love it and they love us for it. We free 'em. We're fucking immortal to them."

He's right. I know he's right. I know that look in their eyes and the feeling of them fighting against me. They're excited by it, they get into the roll. But when will I ever stop wanting to play? "But it won't last forever."

"It will if we want it to. We've got the best of both worlds. We have a life and an after life. I feel it growing in me and watching you, I know it's growing for you, too. You keep trying to convince yourself that you can stop, but that only makes you angrier. You can't stop it, Jeff. Just enjoy to it now and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. It's so much more fun, if you have fun doing it." His voice is growing lazy and I know that he'll be falling asleep soon. This isn't uncommon. He always stays up and holds me until he falls asleep, never letting me out of his arms. "I found something for you in the cabin."

"What?" My heart races at the prospect of a present.

With a slight chuckle, his lips touch my head. "A collar and a leather leash. I know how you like to let them have free reign to move around. I moved the mattress in front of the fireplace. Bolted the leash to the stone and it's long enough for them to move." Adam's voice is getting fainter. He'll be asleep in no time.

"Thank you." I smile up at him like a child in awe of a parent. He's so good to me.

With a lazy smile and his eyes now closed, he leans down and brushes his lips on my nose. "You're welcome, baby."

Lying on his chest, listening the gentle hum of his breathing and his heart pumping so much love for me through his body, I let my mind shift to the unlimited possibilities in the place that Adam found just for us. Just the thought of it makes me hard again.

With a quick kiss on Adam's cheek, I make my way back down the narrowing hallway to my bedroom. The smell of Kelly's shampoo lures me to the bed and the silhouette of her body in the dark room is enough to make me pull off my boxers and covers resting on her. Completely enveloping her body with mine, I remind myself to be gentle with her. I have so many thoughts, desires and emotions coursing through me right now, that I can't chance hurting her.

She's still asleep, but her legs move easily allowing me to push into her with force. For a split second she feeds the need that I have. In that moment when she realizes that I'm inside of her and her eyes fly open in surprise, I feel the hunger start. But the more I look at her and notice how her eyes grow soft and cloud over with love; I remind myself that she's special. I don't like to hold back, but I have to when I feel like this. She cures the immediate need, but she doesn't settle the hunger.

Tonight, I make love. Tomorrow, I feed.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Warning: **__This chapter contains rape and graphic violence. _

_I know a few of you were looking forward to a "party" scene. Well I hope it doesn't disappoint. It's pretty twisted actually. But I trust that you'll bring it up during your next therapy session. :-) You guys rock!_

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Scratch the Surface - Chapter 8 

"Fuck." I manage to pant out as the satisfied smile tugs at the corners of my lips. It was amazing. _She_ was amazing. Adam is going to be gone for awhile and he told me to start without him. He wanted me to be the first to christen the cabin. I went all out for this one; it is a special occasion after all. And no matter how much we did already, there's still so much more to be done.

She's quiet now, sitting on the corner of the matress with her knees drawn up to her chin. She looks out of it - like she's trying to convince herself that she's not here and what we did didn't just happen. But she knows the truth. She can still feel me inside of her. Her blood on the mattress ensures that she knows that I was there and more importantly that she was there with me.

It's hard to make out her expression because of how dimly lit the cabin is. From where the lanterns are placed around the room only shadows fall on her brown skin. I can barely make out the trail of tears as they slowly roll down her cheeks when the light reflects off of them. If I can remember, I'm going to rig some overhead lighting in this room tomorrow.

"You thirsty?" My throat is dry and I can only imagine that hers is. too. My chest is still heaving from the amount of energy I used to show her how much I wanted her. The harshness of my breath is making me parched and I'm gracious enough to assume that she must feel the same way. "You wanna drink?"

Standing up slowly, I pull my pants up and let them hang unbuttoned on my waist. I'm no where near finished. But if we're going to pace ourselves for the long night ahead of us, a little breather is in order. Carefully counting out the steps from the mattress to the chair, I pull a bottle of water and my cigarettes out of my bag. I make sure to light another lantern and a few candles nearby so I don't have to strain my eyes to see her. She looks so beautiful with the large dog collar around her neck and the leather leash restraining her to the wall. Being around Adam so much, I think he's starting to rub off on me. Setting is definitely important.

This is so much better than tying her up. She was able to move freely and be an active participant in the festivities. Sometimes, when they're bound, it doesn't feel like a challenge. When their hands are tied together, there's really no struggle for me. But this way everything was perfect. I could feel her nails dig into me when she scratched and I'm sure there are bruises on my back from when she punched. She loved it. She especially loved when I used my strength to hold her arms down to bed. I could tell by the way she used her thigh muscles to draw me in deeper. I love it when they squeeze. The tightness of their thighs around my waist and the way they kick gets me so fucking hard.

I grab a candle from the windowsill and carry it to our place on the mattress. I notice how she flinches away from me, but that doesn't stop me from sitting next to her. With my legs crossed Indian style, I twist the cap on the bottle and take a healthy swig from it. God that feels good. "You want some?"

I admire the look she gives me. I hate the whiny ones. The ones that just cry and beg, that's more Adam's deal. I like the ones that make me break them. They make me feel immortal. And judging from the hatred in her eyes, I'm going to be a fucking god by the end of the night.

I hold the bottle to her mouth, and take it away when she turns her head. I'm not going to force her to drink. "Fine. More for me." I make a show out of how refreshing the cool water is as it runs down my throat. I know she wants some because her eyes are now solely fixed on the bottle in my hand. "You can have some, if you want."

She reaches her hand out and snatches the water from me. I like when a woman can make me laugh. She's amazing. "I'm gonna untie your gag now. You better not scream. I ain't fucking around either." I don't like them to be gagged when I'm with them. It's more enjoyable when they tell me to stop. But when I tried it with her, she started making a lot of fucking noise.

I didn't take her for a screamer. I knew when we were in the car that she liked the sound of her own voice. She wouldn't shut up, but I didn't think she'd make that much damn racket. While I was in the back seat I pulled fishing wire around her neck and pinned her head flush to her seat to get her to shut up. It was the lesser of two evils. I didn't want Adam to damage her face by slamming her head on the dash board. I couldn't deal with hurting a face like that, not until I had her. I could deal with a little blood on her neck, but not ruining her face before I even got started. Once I'm done, I don't give a shit what Adam does to her face. She won't be my responsibility anymore.

I could only listen to her brag to Adam about all the things she could do to us and how we'd be begging for more for so long. I hadn't been that anxious to see if anyone could live up to their own hype in ages. Boy, she did not disappoint. But with the amount of confidence that she had, I didn't think she's scream like a stuck pig.

"Don't drink too fast. You're gonna get a cramp." She gulps the water down to the point that it's spilling down her chin. I think it's calmed her down a little because she seems to be more relaxed. "Smoke?" She rolls her eyes at me right before the remaining water in the bottle land on my face. All I can do is lick what drips on my lips into my mouth and smile at her.

"You think you're tough? Did that make you feel like a fucking man?" Her voice doesn't match her face. She's so beautiful, but the ugliest words come out of her mouth. I don't like it when women curse. It's not feminine. "You think that's enough to hurt me? You little dick motherfucker…"

Packing my cigarettes against the palm of my hand, I narrow my eyes at her. "Don't curse. It's not lady-like."

"Fuck you."

I light my cigarette and turn until I face her. If she really was as angry as she's pretending to be, she wouldn't be crying. Something she just said piques my interest. "Why did you think I was trying to hurt you? _I_ don't wanna hurt you." I don't. I just need her. _Adam_ is gonna hurt her, but telling her that might sway the way round two is gonna go.

"What the fuck do think you just did? You kidnapped me and tied me up. You raped me…"

I don't like liars and she's fucking lying to my face. "Nobody kidnapped you. You couldn't wait to jump your ass in the car. And you're not tied up. You're chained to a wall. There's a difference. And I most certainly didn't rape you. You wanted it." I was there when she talked about how she wanted to be spanked and how she wanted to suck Adam into oblivion. She wanted us, but now suddenly, I raped her? I can feel my muscles start to clinch in my arms.

"You fucked up. You fucked with the wrong one. I heard your name. _Jeff_. I know and I'm gonna tell." The tears make a crooked pattern on her ebony face and the reddening of her eyes is such a beautiful contrast. "My father's a cop. He's going hunt you down and rip your dick off before he buries you _under_ the jail."

That seems a little severe. I don't understand selective amnesia. Didn't she come here on her own accord? No one forced her into anything. "Why are you so pissed with me? Are you always so hateful?"

"I'm not hateful. I just hate you." She tries to lunge at me, but I grab the leash in time to pull her back. The sudden jerking makes her grab for her throat and cough to try to get the air back into her lungs. "When I get out of here, you're a dead man." Her voice is hoarse as she tries to get her vocal cords to work again. That was her fault. She had no right to try to attack me.

She doesn't understand. I need to make her understand. "You won't make it outta here." I never want anyone to be misled in what's going to happen. She has heart set on leaving and I don't want her to be disappointed when that doesn't come to pass. "He won't let you. When he comes back here, he's gonna do everything he wants. And you're not gonna be able to leave. Either he's gonna kill you because he wants to or he's gonna make you beg him to put you out of your misery."

She wraps her arms tighter around herself and starts to rock where she's sitting. I can almost see the thoughts churning in her head. I can definitely smell her fear. "What the fuck are you talking about? Who? _You're_ the fucking pig rapist. This is your thing. But you know what you sorry sack of shit? This is about power and fear. Well I ain't afraid of you! You can do whatever you want but you don't scare me. You're worthless! You're a piece of shit!"

It's rare that I lose my temper but now she's pissing me off. "You will only speak when I give you permission." My head is starting to hurt and my neck is stiffening up. She's making me uncomfortable, but I know there has to be a reason why she's so bitter. "Do you want me to scare you? Because I can. What's your biggest fear?"

"I'm not telling you dick, you crazy fucker. Eat shit."

This would go a lot smoother if she would just stop with the name calling and do what I say. It only takes a second before I land a punch to her face. Her head snaps back and her eyes are wide with shock. She didn't think I'd hit her, but I have to let know who is in control. But it was that fucking scream that I didn't count on. My hands are starting to shake due to her loud whimper. "Fine. Then tell me one fact…something about you. I don't care what it is, as long as it's not your name. If you even think about telling your name, I will kick your fucking teeth out."

"Fuck you." She whines with her nose pinched. I don't think she gets it yet, but she will. Adam's gonna love her. He likes the ones that need extra lessons. My hand fists her hair and I yank back as hard as I can. I watch the clumps of hair falling to the mattress below before I repeat the process. She should realize by now that I would stop ripping her hair out if she would just quit this screaming bullshit. "You spineless freak! Fuck you!" Her laughter is bothering me. My head is pounding. Why won't she cooperate? "Kristal. Ha-ha, asshole. My name is Kristal Marshall. Now what, you weak motherfucker?"

I never let go of her hair as I stand to my feet. The steel toe of my Doc Martin boot contacts with her mouth with rapid force. Blood shoots out in every direction as do her teeth, but that isn't enough. One more kick and now my muscles start to relax. But it's already too late. I can feel it all over; the anger, the hurtful words from her… this bitch is gonna get it.

I don't understand. I though we hit the jackpot with her. I just knew she was perfect from the moment I laid eyes on her. Standing outside of the concert there were hundreds we could have chosen, but as soon as I saw her, I knew it. I felt it. Her beautiful brown skin and brown eyes shined while she stood in line. She was even dressed for the part with her impossibly short skirt, barely there top and thigh high stiletto boots. She looked incredible and she knew exactly how good she looked, too. It was obvious in every movement she made, every bat of her eye lashes, and even in that sexy smile she gave to Adam.

We did everything right. And Adam was on point tonight. Dressed in leather pants, a white shirt and one of his infamous trench coats, he looked like he had just stepped off stage. It wouldn't surprise me if that's why she was flirting with him. She probably thought that he was in the band. It took no time before he had her walking to the car with him and I easily slid into the back seat, giddy with excitement.

We had a beautiful guest in our new place and she promised to show us a good time. Why did it go wrong? Why is she acting like this? She's ruining everything! "I'm weak? I'll show you how fucking weak I am!" I pull my pants down and force my cock into her mouth. The blood is just added lubrication and though her jagged teeth scrape, the gums where I knocked them clean out, soothe that abrasion. "Take that shit, bitch."

I can't stop myself. I hold the leash upward with one hand so the collar digs into her neck and keep my other on the back of her head so she can't move. I know I'm strangling her, but right now I don't give a fuck. "I'm not fucking weak!" Flashes of light dance around my eyes and I push myself deeper into her throat. I can feel the vomit on the tip of dick and it pisses me off more. I kick her in the stomach to make her stop. "Fuck you!" Why couldn't she just do what I said? Fuck her.

Where the fuck is Adam? I need him.

I'm dizzy and everything looks hazy. I don't feel her fists beating against my thighs anymore. I look down at the awkward way she's sitting; lifeless with her arms resting at her sides. The tears in my eyes are blinding but I can't stop. I push myself further into her mouth until her lips are flush against my pelvis.

"Jeff?"

I hear my name and look at Adam in confusion. My head hurts so bad. "Adam?!?!?!" All I can do is beg him to help me. I don't feel well. It's closing in around me and everything is fading…

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

This isn't my room. The blinds are open too far, and the walls are too light to be my room. The scent of the sheets is familiar though. I have no idea why I'm in his bed, but I don't question his strong arms around me. I look into his soft hazel orbs through my eyes that are barely opened in slits. There's so much compassion and love there. I instantly feel safe.

He needs to shave. I don't remember that scruffy beard on him before.

"Welcome back, baby. This is the longest you've been gone." Adam's electric smile greets me and his lips brush my cheek before I rest my head on his chest. His fingers take special care to run through my hair and the gentle petting is enough to make me feel sleepy again. "You had me worried."


	9. Chapter 9

Scratch the Surface - Chapter 9

The guilt won't let me go. There is no escape from it. Pushing their faces out of my mind and concentrating on the parties we've had doesn't help. Thinking about the things that Adam's done to them doesn't make me feel any better. I'd love to just live in the moment, use the memories to keep me company…but now? Fuck.

This is exactly why I hate the goddamn news. Fuckers always wanna bring up some shit that should be left alone. Dredging up our personal business...pieces of shit.

And now, this bitch is lying again. She's purposely trying to make Adam and I look bad. She's trying to make us out to be some kind of heartless men that go around raping and pillaging. "Police are trying to find a common thread between these murders. Though the bodies have been found in different areas and with varying levels of sexual abuse and torture pre and post mortem, it is supspected that they all were done by the same hand. The only lead police have is that a blonde man, approximately six foot three, with a slender build has been seen leaving with each of the victims. If you have any information please call Detective Batista, Homicide." The white numbers flash underneath of each of the pictures on the television screen. There they are, all of the ones this month. Jillian Hall, Candice Michelle, Brooke Adams, and Brian Kendrick.

They forgot about that girl we met at the concert. I almost did. I remember being in the car with her, but nothing else. She didn't get away did she? Adam says I blacked out. Did he let her go after that? What I am saying? Adam doesn't let them leave. They just haven't found her body yet.

That bitch reporter smiles again. She's enjoying the smear campaign against us. "Stay tuned for more information on these murders as it becomes available. Lilian Garcia reporting, Action 10 News."

"Lying bitch." Just the look on her face and the sound of her voice is driving me crazy. She doesn't know us. She has no right to say those kinds of things about us. Nobody tortured or brutalized anybody. It was for fun. They were into it. And just because a few cops think they're Barney fucking Fife, and get a hard-on from the prospect of making a collar, they think they have the power to recreate the past? They weren't there. They don't know what happened. No one knows.

I can hear Adam moving behind me. "You don't need to watch that." He takes the remote from my hand and tucks it in his palm. He's been like this since I woke up in his bed. He won't let me out of his sight. I can't do anything. He must have really been scared after the last black out, because he won't let me near anything they may upset me. Changing the channel, he settles on something non-threating. The Family Guy. He knows I love that show. "There. That's better."

"I'm fine Adam." It's a lie and I know he knows it. That woman on television is under my skin. I reach over to put out my cigarette but I can't find an empty place in the ashtray. I don't even remember smoking that much, but apparently I'm already on my second pack today and I've only been awake since noon.

"I know you are. But you get bothered so easily. I just want you to take it easy." His smooth voice caresses my ears and instantly gives me goosebumps on my arms. But he knows the damage is already done. "That shit she said wasn't true. She's just trying to fuck with us. She's trying to make us slip up." Slinging the dishtowel in his hand on his shoulder, Adam shakes his head. "Maybe we should party with her." He smiles in an attempt to lighten the mood, but right now I'm anything but amused. His smile immediately fades when he sees how upset she's made me. "Awe, baby," he moves over and places his hand on my shoulder, "don't worry about that bitch. I'll kill her if you want."

"They know what we look like…"

"How many tall blondes are there in the world, Jeff? I took care of everything. No one knows. No one will ever find out." There is such honesty and power in his voice that I believe him instantly. I know Adam and I know how serious he is about this. He wouldn't chance anything getting in the way of the life that we've built together.

But I can't help but to think our world is about to come crashing down around us. It scares me. What do I have if I don't have this comfort? "I can't handle this shit anymore. Fucking bitch reporters are lying on us. Stupid fucking cops are trying to dig shit up and sticking their pig noses where they don't belong." Everything as of late is running through my mind. This use to be so much fun, but now everyone else is fucking it up. "I can't remember shit. We went out and I can't remember it. I can't remember _anything_ from the past week! How long can I do this? What the fuck is wrong with me? Who the fuck blacks out for a whole week?" My mind is grasping at everything that's wrong with me. Why does Adam put up with me when I'm like this? "I'm gonna lose my fucking job. Kelly's gonna leave me. And you're gonna get tired of taking care of me! Shit's just all fucked up." I tried not to give into the fear, but fuck if I'm not feeling it leak out of my pours. This is why I need him. Kelly couldn't handle me like this. _I_ can't even handle it. "I don't know how much more I can take. I can't do this shit! I can't."

Standing before me with a concerned look on his face, Adam shifts his weight from one leg to the other. "Jeffrey." And there it is. That voice that I fucking hate. The one my father used to use when I was in trouble. He sits on the edge of the couch next to me and continues to study my face.

The amount of emotion in me is overwhelming and before his hand even reaches up to touch my hair, my throat starts to ache, my head hurts and my eyes are stinging. Shit. Adam's arms around me remind me just how much I need him and how important he is to me. "I'm sorry." I clutch onto his shirt as the sob over takes me. And true to form Adam rocks me back and forth until I feel it dissipating.

With a smile on his face, he lifts my head to his. "Better now?" His thumbs trace my tears as he holds my head in his hands. The look in his eyes tells me that everything is going to alright and I believe him. A simple nod of my head convinces him that the worst is over and with that he places the gentlest kiss on the tip of my nose. I don't how he does it, but he always makes it better. "Come here." He takes my hand and stands, pulling me off the couch with him. "I baked cookies."

Now I just feel silly. I had another melt down and truthfully I can't remember why, especially when I see the plate of fresh baked cookies that Adam has laid out on the kitchen table. Whatever was wrong with me just moments before seems trivial. It's amazing how he just always seems to know what to do to make everything better.

Adam's back is to me as he looks out of the kitchen window, but judging by the way his neck is arched, he's taken an interest in something. "We have new neighbors." His voice is distant, almost like he's speaking without thinking; like he's entranced. That's new. Nothing gets to Adam. They must be amazing.

I stuff a chocolate chip cookie into my mouth and pick up another one on my way to the window. He's right. There's a new young couple moving in right next door and the woman is exceptionally beautiful. Her eyes are huge, her face is like silk and she has this refreshingly innocent look about her. It's enough to remind me that I haven't called Kelly since the last night she was here.

And then there's the guy with her. There's something in the arrogant way he stands, the girth of the muscles protruding from the sleeves on his t-shirt, the powerful way in which he slips his arms around her and lifts her off the ground…It makes my top lip sweat and a tingle start at the base of my skull. I can't move. I stand there absently chewing a cookie watching these beautiful creatures in front of me. "They are perfect." My voice comes out like a dream; they're so captivating. As soon as look over at Adam and see that gleam in his eye, I know that he already knows. They _are_ perfect.

Adam lifts my hand to his mouth and takes a bite of the cookie I'm holding. "Yes. They are." Chewing, he nods his head and smiles. "We should welcome them to the neighborhood." He always says that the only way to get over the last one is to take a new one. The more I think about it, the more sense it makes.

Something happened with the last girl. Something bad enough to make me forget everything. I wish I could remember that night, because I want to know that I showed her a good time, but I don't want to remember why I lost control. It's no use worrying about it now. I can't dwell on old memories. I can only look forward to making new ones. New memories with my new neighbors.

No matter what I've done before or how I feel about it now, the only thing I can concentrate on at this very moment, is the dull gnawing in my gut. I need something to keep my mind off of all of this shit. I need this. I need_ them_. I may have half of a conscience, but the growling is louder than it.

The feeling inside of me is awake again. And it's so damn hungry.


	10. Chapter 10

Scratch the Surface - Chapter 10

Normally, I don't have a problem with going out and partying. But something about the way things are about to go down is making me nervous. When Adam and I go out, it's whatever; whatever happens, happens. There are no definite plans, we don't really know who or how we're going to get our guests. We leave the house and let the rest fall into place.

But this? This is too methodic. It almost feels sinister.

He's given me a lot to think about, sitting at the table alone. By the time he resurfaces from the basement, I now have a thousand more questions and reservations. I don't know; I just don't like the way this feels. I kinda like that spur of the moment thing that we normally do. The most forethought we give to anything is the location. Once we get them there, the sky is the limit. But tonight? We're actually planning shit. When did it become so involved? This is supposed to be a hobby, now it's feeling like a full time job.

I don't wait for him to sit back down before I feel my lips moving. "But there are two of them. How are supposed to get _both_ of them to come?" We've been over this a hundred times, but I still don't get it. It's so simple to Adam and constantly explaining it to me has to be getting on his nerves. If it is, he hasn't said anything. He's so patient with me.

His large hand gently cups mine and he squeezes for added assurance. "Jeff. You trust me, right?" He never needs to ask that question. I trust Adam with my life. Hell, I trust him more than I trust myself. Watching me nod, his face softens. "This will work."

"But what about the choice? We always give 'em a choice." I don't mean to rain on the parade, but we have rules that we follow. We don't go out partying without each other and we don't force anybody to do anything they don't wanna do. This feels wrong, like coercion. Of course I can't tell Adam that. He'll say that I've been watching too much Law and Order and that real life doesn't work that way. He'll make some excuse and then I'll feel like I shouldn't have said anything. I mean, he's never lead me wrong thus far. Why should I question anything?

Adam considers my question and stands from the table. He's not angry, but I think now he's getting frustrated. "Come here." I don't even ask why. Instead I stand and walk over to the back door and look out. "You see that?"

She's beautiful. All she's doing is watering the lawn, but there's something in the she's doing it that keeps my eyes fixed on her. I can feel myself starting to salivate and I have run hand over my mouth to dry the corners.

"She's the one. Just look at her." There is grace in the way she flings her hair over her shoulder. Even as kicks off her sandals and giggles at the feel of the wet grass under her toes makes me have to restrain myself from barging out of that door and taking her. "Look at how she holds the water hose. So delicately, so gently. See the water on her legs? Notice how each droplets slowly slides down and caresses her skin. That could be sweat. That could be _your_ sweat dripping down her legs. You want to see that don't you?"

My uneasiness about this plan is secondary. Adam just pointed out what my real motivation should be. I can't believe was willing to forgo this beautiful creature because all of a sudden I got cold feet. It's okay to change a plan every once in awhile. Especially if that is going to be my payoff. I can't take my eyes off of her. I want her. "I wonder what she smells like."

"Fear." Just the feeling of Adam's breath on my neck as he whispers to me makes me groan. God. Do we have to wait? Why can't we just invite her over now? "And imagine what she tastes like."

It's almost too much to take. This woman is the most sensual thing I've ever laid eyes on. I could devour her right now, in broad daylight and not think twice about it. Before I realize it, one of Adam's hands is on mine and his grip is pulling it off of the door handle. His other arm is around my waist and I can feel him tightening to hold me back. Never before has the need been this severe. If he hand't been here, I would have gone outside. Just that quickly, I lost control.

The sound of my moaning gets her attention and suddenly the spray from the hose stops. She's looking at us. Those big eyes are fixed right on me and she smiles. She wants me, just as much as I want her. Her smile makes me smile. I know I must look like an idiot standing in the doorway grinning at this beautiful ball of innocence, but I'm entranced by her.

As soon as I see her hand come up in a wave, I don't know what to do. They always make contact with Adam. But from his position behind me, I don't think she can see him. Out of instinct, I look over at him to tell me what to do. I'm not good with personal interaction with them. I can't talk to them until they're tied up and filled with fear. Until I have the upper hand, the ones I need scare me. "What do I do?" I try to keep my lips as still as possible as I ask Adam the stupidest question on earth.

There's mirth in his voice, but his hand gently kneads the back of my neck to calm me. "Wave back."

Why didn't I think of that? I feel awkward, but I do it. And with that gentle gesture, she sits the hose on the grass and walks barefoot across the lawn and stands at the bottom of the stairs. "Hi." I can't believe she spoke. Her voice is beautiful. Even if she screamed I wouldn't mind. It's so angelic.

I can feel Adam's hand tightening around the back of my neck, silently encouraging me to speak to her. "Hey." I don't have a problem talking to Kelly or Adam for that matter, but everybody else? I'm not good at it like Adam is. This is why he's the front man. This is why he makes the introduction because he's charismatic. I'm awkward. I'm unsure. Hell, I'd be scared of me.

"Were the cookies from you?" She places on foot on the bottom step and rests her weight on her opposite leg. Her cut off shorts accentuate her toned thighs and every muscle that protrudes as she balances herself.

Shaking my head, I cut my eyes to Adam to get some direction. "Tell her yes." My Cyrano de Bergerac. He's now concealed himself in the shadow created by the back door. Quietly coaching me, he's going to make sure we get her.

After shaking my head no, I suddenly start to nod. The confusion dances on her face and emits from her mouth in wide smile followed by a giggle. "Well? Which is it? Yes or no?" Please don't laugh at me. I don't like when people laugh at me. But, if I stand a chance at having her, I can't tell her or it'll scare her away.

"Both," I stammer. "He baked 'em." She doesn't say anything, but I know she doesn't have a clue what I'm talking about. I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about. I can see the question dance in her beautiful eyes. "My roommate. I um…I helped. Ate mostly…b-but, yeah. I helped."

Nodding in understanding, she places one hand on her elevated leg to slap away the mosquitoes. "Tell him thank you. They were delicious." The sound of the car approaching makes her turn her head and by the time it turns back to me, she's grinning from ear to ear.

"Invite them out tomorrow night." I don't want to. This is his thing. I find them, he gets them. But for some reason, he's not doing his part. Adam's changing the rules and I don't know what to do about it. "Trust me, Jeff. You're doing fine."

I look past her at the car now pulling into her parking pad. A large man with huge muscular arms leans out the window and smiles. I don't say anything as he gets out of the car and starts to walk to where she's standing. She's just as fascinated by him as I am. He's so much bigger than I am, so much stronger. But even being as built as he is he gently slips his arm around her waist and looks up at me with clear blues eyes and gives me a dimpled smile. My attention has split between them. A second ago I didn't think I could want anyone more than I wanted her. Now I'm not so sure. I can almost taste them both.

With her it's about her beauty. Him? It's about his strength. I know I need to feed the feeling in me. But it's more than that with them. I want take a piece of them and it has nothing to do with the twisting and churning in my stomach. They would be like filling a piece of my soul.

"Honey, um…" She looks at me with hopeful eyes and I draw a complete blank.

Adam's chuckle is almost audible to them, but he keeps his voice just low enough for me to hear it. "Tell her your name."

"Jeff." For as much as I'm salivating, my tongue feels dry and too large for my mouth. My palms are sweating and I'm shaking. I don't feel well.

Her smile makes the dizziness go away. "Jeff and his roommate made the cookies." She leans back against his chest and bats her happy eyes at me. There are so many things I want to see in those eyes. I want to see what they look like when she's afraid. I want to see my reflection in them while I'm on top of her. I want to see tears pooled inside of them. Maybe when we're done I'll ask Adam to save them for me. I swear I could look at those eyes forever.

"Thanks, man. That was really nice of you." He leans down and places a kiss on her neck. He's in control. I can tell because she looks at him like I look at Adam. I can't wait to have that control over them. "My wife was really nervous about moving out here, and not knowing anyone... especially since I work all the time. But those cookies really made her feel at home." He squeezes her tighter and looks up at me.

"Now." I hear Adam's voice and I feel unsteady on my feet. His hand on the small of my back helps me keep my balance. Maybe I could talk if my heart was pounding like it is.

All I can muster is nod. And he nods back before taking her hand and leading her back across the way to their house. "Hey?" I bark the question still not knowing where my voice is coming from. My eyes close on their own because I don't wanna see that look on their faces when I fuck this up. "Would you, um…tomorrow…wanna go out? Drinks…no, uh…party. Show you some cool things we, um, we like to do here?" Shit. I feel like an idiot. Why couldn't Adam do this? He's knows what he's doing. I, on the other hand, am fucking this up.

If Adam's hand wasn't on my back I swear I would turn and close the door in their faces. I want them but I can't take the rejection. The flashes of light are starting again. I'm getting sick.

"That sounds like fun. Around nine?" Her sweet voice stays the nausea. Nodding in confirmation she flashes that smile at me and I see his dimples again. They head back to the safety of their house and I can finally breathe.

As soon as I close the door the tears start in my eyes and Adam's arms are around me. "I'm so proud of you."

"Why?"

His fingertips wipe the tears that escape before he lovingly strokes my cheek. "Because you needed your confidence back." He's so sure of me. I can't disappoint him. I don't want to disappoint him. And more importantly, I don't want to disappoint myself.

"I want them."

"And you can have them. They're yours, baby. Anything you want; it's yours." He's right. Adam just gift wrapped them for me. Tomorrow will be a night that we will never forget. It's my first time stepping into the spotlight and I have to admit, I'm a little excited about that feeling. It was scary as hell, but I did it. If I could feel this good with that one triumph, I can't even imagine what tomorrow will bring.

I need to get ready. It's party time.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Warning: This chapter contains graphic sex, torture, rape and necrophilia.**_

_A/N: This chapter might be a hard read, but it's supposed to because Jeff is becoming more confusing as the story progresses. It's hard to explain without giving too much of the story away, but trust me, there's a reason for this. The chapter is graphic. If you can't handle it, don't read this one._

_I know a few of you tried to guess who the neighbors were, I hope they don' t disappoint. _

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Scratch the Surface - Chapter 11

I don't remember it ever being this stressful. Maybe it's because we've never taken two of them before. Logistically, I thought it was impossible, but Adam had every thing planned down to the letter. He's brilliant. I wish so much that I could be like him. Just being able to think of every move before it happens, all of the calculated risks, even the reactions…he hasn't missed anything.

But just because he's good at making a plan, doesn't mean that I always agree with him. Take drugging them for example. I'm not into drugging people. When I'm with them, I want them to be totally conscious of everything around them. I know there was no other way, especially since he's so much bigger than the two of us, but I still didn't feel right about it.

It's not just that, either. I know their names and now I don't think I can go through with it. I mean, I want to. God, I really _really_ want to. But they're real now. I guess it would have been weird to just take them out for drinks and not ask them anything about themselves. Well, I didn't ask, not really. The guy, John, decided to tell us all about him and Maria. I know that they just got married and moved out here. He's from Boston and she's from Chicago and they met someone in the middle for a thing at work. Not that I really care, but I can't stop thinking that they may have families back home that are going to miss them.

Just talking to them was weird, too. Usually, people only talk to Adam. But them? They were talking to _me._ Like looking at me and addressing me by name and everything. And the way Maria's eyes twinkled whenever she said Jeff, it was like…wow.

I really don't know if I can do this.

I felt sick when I watched Adam open the capsules and dump the contents into their drinks while they were dancing. There was a reason for it, but still. They had already agreed to come out with us, so technically that made them ours. But did he have to drug them? Just looking at Maria's face when she said she wasn't feeling well and then the concerned look in John's eyes. They honestly love each other; I could see that sitting across the table from them.

"Now!" Adam's voice fills the cabin and pulls me out of my own head. My eyelids feel heavy when I try to open them. My neck doesn't start to hurt until I try to reposition myself in the chair I'm sitting on. Once upright I realize that John is naked, handcuffed and his feet are shackled together. I didn't know Adam still had those shackles. I thought he got rid of them after the last time he used them. John's got the dog collar around his neck and Adam is holding the end of the leash in his hand, practically dragging him around the room.

I have to crane my head around them to see Maria, sprawled out on the mattress, her arms tied to the metal grates of the fireplace and her legs are tied to something that Adam has sticking out of the floor. What in the hell is that, anyway? Whatever it is it looks sturdy enough. Adam's been doing a lot to this place. Apparently, when I was out of it before, he spent a lot of time here. The lights in the ceiling work…they flicker but they're on at least. Most of the other shit has been cleared out, too. He really took the time to make this our home away from home.

John's muffled voice is weak and I see him double over when Adam holds the cattle prod to his chest. If only he understood that Adam would just as soon electrocute him for the hell of it. If he thinks it's bad now, just keep defying him. Part of me wants to help him. Just to tell him to do what Adam says and it won't be so bad for him. But I don't.

The sound of the chair, as I shift my weight on it, makes Adam's head turn toward me. His smile splits his face in half and he offers me a wink. "Glad you decided to join us. You woke up just in time." Great. Now he has an audience so I know he's going to pull out all the stops. I kinda like John and Maria. I don't want to see them get hurt. But what can I do about it?

I can black out. That seems to be all I can do lately. That must be why I'm on this damn chair to begin with. It's coming back in flashes, but I vaguely remember John begging me not to. I think I forced myself into Maria's mouth and then I remember hearing him cry out for her. And as much as I usually love that, it broke my heart. I backed off and then I felt Adam's hand on my shoulder? I'm not quite sure. I think I remember being lifted off of the ground and now waking up here…just in time to watch him break my two new friends.

"Come here, Jeff. I want you to see this." Adam's face turns harsh when looks at John again. "You get over there and fuck her. Now!" This is new. Usually Adam tortures them, but this time he's going to use them to do it to each other. It's probably his best idea yet, but shit if I don't feel nauseous about it.

My legs are wobbly, but I stumble my way over to the mattress. God if Maria's eyes don't remind of Kelly's when she's afraid. Just the way she's looking at John to save her, like a kid who needs their daddy to protect them from the things that go bump in the night…fuck. And John's face; that feeling of helplessness, the wheels in his brain turning to figure out a way to keep her safe. I know that feeling. It's the one I have whenever I'm with Kelly. This isn't right.

Out of instinct, I kneel down and touch Maria's bare her foot. Even if I can't help her, I just want her to know that I'm here. Not really sure how much good that will do, but I have to try. She's so scared and now she's scared of me. What have I done? "It's okay, Kelly. I'm not going to hurt you." I need to find her clothes. She's exposed. Her body is on display. I can see everything. I don't like the way I feel when I can see her whole body. She becomes the parts and the reaction I need and not the woman that I want. She can't be naked. Not here.

"If you don't do it, he will." Adam's voice is harsh and it makes the tears fall from her eyes faster. She doesn't know what to do. Being with the man she loves is just as frightening to her as being with me. "He thinks I'm fucking around, Jeff. Why don't you show him how it's done?"

I love Kelly. I make love to her all the time. But not like this. I can't do this, not in front of them. That's my way of separating me from my hunger. "Adam, leave Kelly out of this."

"Maria." Adam has the leash wound tightly in his hand as he kneels down beside me. He strokes my hair and whispers in my ear. "Her name is Maria."

I nod my head. "Right." That is her name. Maria. Fuck Maria. She's not Kelly. My hand trails her leg and when I reach her hip I hear the scuffle behind me. John's trying to get at me. He's trying to stop this from happening. I don't know what Adam has done, but now John's on the floor. When Adam nods his head, I know what he wants me to do. I cover her body with mine and before anything happens, I take the gag out of her mouth. "It'll be over soon. I promise."

I try to focus on her face when she whispers her sobbing request. She's so innocent. Everything about her is innocent. Adam doesn't understand. We have to save the innocent ones. "Please help me, Jeff?"

"It's okay, Kelly. I'm here." Stroking her hair, I reach of the button on my jeans with my free hand.

I hear John scream behind me and for some reason I stop. Adam looks so satisfied. He's gotten him to give in. "If you want him to stop, you know what you have to do." He gives the leash some slack before yanking it down to get John to kneel at the mattress. "You'll get her soon, baby. Let Johnny have a turn."

As soon as her body is exposed again, I realize she's not Kelly. She doesn't look like Kelly; her body is not like Kelly's. She's laid out and waiting for another man. Kelly isn't like that. She's not a whore like this slut in front of me. Kelly would be putting up a fight, trying to keep what we have sacred. She wouldn't just lay there crying; about to except whatever fate has to offer. And that look in her eyes. She's scared, but I know that look of trust that she has with this man. Kelly wouldn't do that to me. She wouldn't lie to me and trust someone else.

"John?" She cries, nuzzling her head into the bend of his neck when he's on top of her. He's taking his time and trying his best to stall. He doesn't know that that's only gonna piss Adam off more. I can't take my eyes off of them. The human interacting is marvelous. "Just do what he says and he'll let us go."

"No he won't." Adam never gets mad at me for warning them. And, judging by the way he's laughing, I just told the joke of the century. "He'll never let you go."

She cuts those hopeful eyes toward me and it breaks my heart. Her head nods in understanding. She knows I'm telling her the truth. "You can. You can let us go, Jeff. Please? We won't tell anybody. Just let us go."

Before I can answer, Adam's boot comes down hard on John's hip. "I gave you an order." His voice is just as calm as it always is, but I know that tone he's using. He's getting impatient. For him to be such a beautiful man, he looks so ugly when he's like this. Those warm hazel eyes are wild and hateful right now. That electrifying smile looks psychotic. This is why I'm usually in another room when Adam works. I love to see him happy, but hate watching him become a monster.

"Just fuck her like you hate her." I don't know why I'm trying to help him. Maybe it's because I know what he's feeling. I know damn well what I'd be feeling if it was me and Kelly.

John pleads with her eyes and she gives him permission to hurt her. He's slow about it. He's trying to make it as pleasurable as possible considering. Don't deviate from the script. Just do what you're told. He's not listening to my advice and that's too bad for them. Any and everything Adam does to them now, will be on his head. All he had to do was follow the rules. Just let Adam be in control without trying to be the hero. Now that's his ass. Literally.

Without warning Adam shoves the cattle prod in to John, causing him to push into Maria which makes her scream. Adam's going to shock him from the inside until he gets what he wants. "I said fuck her." He sends another shock just to get him to do what he wants. Once John is behaving like a good boy, Adam pats the side of the floor where he's sitting and I go to him.

Adam knows what he's doing. I have to trust that. He's showing me something that I need to learn. Placing my head on his lap, I feel him stroke my hair. I'm watching this man fuck his wife with so much force because he's afraid to have me do it. I don't know what else to say but this is fucked up. I wouldn't have hurt her the way that he is.

"Punch 'er." I think Adam's just saying the first thing that jumps in his head. He sends another volt to John to force him into action. And each time he sends a charge, Maria gets another punch to her face.

I can't tell who's crying harder, John or Maria. They're both pretty torn up about this. Poor things.

Adam's whole body moves when he laughs. But he doesn't stop stroking my hair. "Choke 'er." Before he can even turn the prod, John's hand goes around her throat and applies a little pressure. That ain't enough to choke somebody. Even he knows that. And I know Adam knows it, too. "I'm sick of fucking repeating myself to you. You will learn to do what I say." He doesn't let the button go. He sends the shockwaves through John's body and his muscles stiffen locking around Maria's throat.

Those eyes. All of that innocence seeping out of those eyes with each tear that rolls down her face. She was so beautiful. So angelic. Now she's nothing. Those large eyes are fixed in my direction, staring lifelessly at me, begging me to help her. "Kelly?" I reach my hand forward but she doesn't respond.

"You see what he did? He killed Kelly." Adam's voice is soothing as he explains to me what I need to do. This man is twice her size and he raped and strangled this innocent woman. She's dead because of him. "You thought he was your friend Jeff. But now your Kelly's dead because of him. He needs to be punished."

I stand to my feet in one swift motion and I kick him in the ribs repeatedly. He killed her. All she wanted him to do was to protect her. But he wasn't strong enough to do that. Well I am. I'm gonna protect her and he's gonna pay for not doing his job.

The cattle prod ends with a crash across the room and I'm inside of him faster than he can recover from it. "You like raping women, you sick fuck? Do you like how it feels?" I pound into him ignoring his cries. My weight on his back lands him on top of her and he gently shakes her body to try to wake her up. "She's dead! Why didn't you just fucking listen?" I grunt my words because I'm so angry. How could he let that happen on his watch? He didn't deserve her.

The leash is wrapped so tightly around my hand that I can't feel anything but the blood no longer circulating in it. With each thrust, I pull back on it until I start to hear the bones in his neck crack under the pressure. He can't die soon enough.

"That's it, Jeff. Just like that." I don't know when Adam moved behind me, but I can feel his lips on my neck. I know that panting sound he makes. He's getting off on this. When I look over at him, I feel myself smile at the sight of his hand vigorously stroking his cock. The harder he jerks, the harder I thrust. It's like we're in sync with each other.

I didn't understand what he was trying to show me before, but now I do. People like John deserve this. Those strong ones. The ones that the world bows to because they're charismatic and exude a presence that people like me don't have; they deserve to be taught a lesson. Adam has shown me that I'm stronger than I think and that it's _my _job to let the rest of the world know my strength.

It has nothing to do with the act. It's all about the power. No matter how many muscles John has or how tough he thinks he is, I'm more powerful than him. Maria should have known that, too. She should have chosen me to be with her and not him. They made the wrong choice by overlooking me. But now they have no choice. I'm the last thing they'll ever see.

John's lifeless body lies in a limp pile in the corner until Adam decides what he's going to do with him. Right now, he sees fit to just stare at him while drinking a glass of wine. I, on the other hand, can't get enough of Maria. I don't understand how I could confuse her with Kelly before. Maybe it was the look in her eyes, maybe it was her innocence. Whatever it was she had the ablility to be so sweet it blurred everything around me. For the briefest moment, I couldn't tell what was real. But being inside of her now, I know the truth.

Her body is still so soft and she feels just amazing as I thought she would. She didn't see me before, but now she does. I've shown her more care and love that John ever could. I can't stop myself from indulging in her. It almost feels like I'm trying to prove that I'm worthy enough of the gift that she's given me. She gave me her perfection. She showed me beauty. She taught me peace.

She saved me.

And I can't forget how she's helped me. I want her feel how much I appreciate everything she's done for me. Every time I cum, I'm hard again, just thinking about what freedom feels like. I want to consume her, so this feeling won't go away. I've already licked her, tasted her, bit her, cut her…loved her. If I could preserve her and keep her forever, I would.

She drove the hunger away. It's not just fed, it's gone. I don't feel it no matter how dull and quiet is sometimes gets. I don't feel it there at all. She did that for me. She gave me a chance to have a normal life.

Maria sacrificed herself to cure me. I will forever be in her debt.

Kissing her mouth hungrily, I turn her head to have her eyes focus on me. "Thank you." When I roll on my back to look up at the ceiling, I notice Adam's smiling face looking down at me. "I love you, Adam."

"I love you, too."


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N: So I normally wouldn't post again this soon, but the last chapter was a little brutal and I thought y'all could use a break. it was rough getting through that party...just as rough writing it as it was reading it, but it's important to the story. _

_The story is far from over, though I don't think this will be longer than 20 chapters. Bear with me, I know how it plays out, and it gets more...involved. _

_Thank you so much for the support. I didn't think anyone would be into this story, especially since I've never written this kind before and it's not really something you see a lot of on FF. Now I don't feel so whacked out because other people are as entertained by my dark muses as I am._

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Scratch the Surface - Chapter 12

Everything is perfect right down to the fancy plates and the cloth on the table. The wine twinkles merrily in the crystal goblets and the soft sounds of violins play in the background. The only thing more beautiful than the setting is the woman sitting across from me at the table.

The silver sparkles from her dress illuminate Kelly's face. Her blonde hair is swept up making her neck look longer. The solitaire diamond I got her for her birthday last year pulsates on the hollow of her throat as she tries to suck back her tears. "Jeff…" She rests her hands in her lap as the slow tears course down her face.

Those tears do something to me. When they're sad tears they hurt, but these tears bring a smile to my face. "Well?"

It's funny that when I'm around other people by myself, I always seem to notice how lonely I am. But when I'm with Kelly I'm too busy making sure that she's happy to pay it much attention. The same thing goes for Adam. Well, when we're out together, it's usually because we're about to party, but even then I don't seem to mind. Just like with Kelly, I know that Adam will make sure that I'm happy. That feeling of contentment on both sides is enough to drown out anything else that is going on around me.

She swallows hard like there is a lump in her throat. She doesn't say anything. She won't even look at me. Her hands come to the top of the table and I notice that she's been chipping away at her nail polish when they were resting in her lap. Red nails. I don't like red on her, but I'm not going to let that spoil the moment. "Why?"

I don't know why. It just feels like what I should do. "Because..." I can't say it. I've never said it, not to her. I want to mean it when I say it. No, that's not right. I know I'll mean it, but I want to feel it. I just don't know what it feels like.

I love Kelly. At least I think I do. I love idea of her and spending the rest of my life with her. That's love right? I mean, what is love anyway? I love Adam and I love Kelly, just not the same way. I know what I mean when I tell Adam that I love him. I know that I don't question it. There's just this overwhelming feeling of vulnerability, safety and protection with him. There's a warmth, a peacefulness…a contentment. I guess with Adam, I feel… complete. With Kelly, I feel masculine, like I'm finally in control. I feel empowered because she defers to me and not the other way around. I feel wise, like she's looking to me to guide her. With Kelly, I feel, well… happy.

I don't know how much sense it makes. I guess the biggest difference in the way that I love them is with Adam I feel wanted, with Kelly I feel needed. And I love them both very much for their roles in my life. Now the question is do I love her the way that I'm supposed to? I just feel like with her, there's another level to it that I should be on. I just don't know what it is or how get there. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

I watch her eyes lift up to mine and her chin quiver. "Yes," she whispers, licking at the gloss on her lips. Her hands are so delicate in mine and I know they haven't seen or felt nearly as much as mine have. The ring slips easily on her dainty finger and she looks at it while my thumb traces over the stone. "It's beautiful."

It is beautiful. That ring is almost as beautiful as Maria was. It was her last gift to me. I didn't know Maria that well, but she did so much that I will always be grateful for. Maria was the one. I always knew there would be one that would change everything for me. She started me on the path to the life I'm supposed to have. And now it's within my grasp. She wanted me, she cured me and she even gave me something to ensure Kelly to me forever. Maria is a martyr in my eyes. "So are you."

Her watery blue eyes meet mine and in that instant I know that I have to take those tears away. "Adam isn't going to like this." I barely hear her due to her whispering, but I have a pretty good idea of what she just said. Kelly is worried about my relationship with Adam. She loves me that much that she would rather jeopardize our happiness to make sure that I'm happy.

"This ain't about Adam." Everything is about Adam, even if I don't mean for it to be. Everything I do is for or about him. Is it wrong that I just want something to be about me? No. It's not wrong. I'm done with the partying and whatnot. Adam will always be a part of my life; he promised that to me. And he'll understand that I can't keep doing what we do, not when I'm going to have a family. Besides, he loves me enough to help me find a balance between what I need and what I want. He knows that I want Kelly, but that I need him. "It's about us." I want nothing more than for the two loves of my life to love each other, but that won't happen. They both think the other is trying to take me away.

It's ridiculous really. I'm not going anywhere. They have nothing to worry about. There's no competition between then. I've managed to divide myself between the two of them this long, what's the rest of my life matter? Still, I know his initial reaction will be nothing like Kelly's. I don't think he'll be happy about it and definitely not crying tears of joy. If nothing else, after Adam blows up, he'll come around because he wants me to be happy. And this life with Kelly will help me find that.

She stands from her seat still holding my hand and sits herself down on my lap. The warmth from her arms around me isn't as comforting as when Adam does it, but it's peaceful. Her body shakes with the cry she's been holding in and I trace gentle circles on her back to calm her. This is what I need. There's a settling feeling in me of being the one that takes care of her. "Shh." I can feel her nod against my shoulder and the smell of her apple scented hair puts my mind at ease.

I'm going to be a husband and eventually a father. That life that my parents had is so appealing. It's what I was always brought up to know is right. I can leave my hobby behind and concentrate on living a real life now. The only problem is I have no idea how to do it. I'm hoping Kelly does. I want that mundane, everyday shit that I see on television. I want to pay the bills while she's in the kitchen making me dinner. After the kids are in bed I'd like to snuggle up on the couch and be able to watch TV without feeling like I'm going to jump out of my damn skin when an actor or actress has that vibe I thrive on.

Of course we'd have to move away from here for that to happen. There's too much temptation here, too many people. Maybe if we moved out to the country where the closest house is miles away? Yeah. That could work. Nothing but us and isolation. Of course that far removed from the rest of the world are the perfect places to party…

Stop it. I'm looking forward to my future with Kelly and shedding this past. God I only hope it's as easy as it is in my fantasies.

I feel her weight shift and look up at her as she stands. She takes my hand in an attempt to get me up from the table. I love that look she has. The one where she can't meet my gaze because she wants something that she doesn't think that I'll do. Her eyes are fixed on my chest and there is the shyest smile on her face. Curling my finger under her chin I lift her head. Her lips are warm and soft against mine and when I suck in the breath she lets out, I feel goose bumps on my skin.

Normally I would feel awkward or out of place, but right now I don't. Don't get me wrong, I always feel out of place only I don't seem to notice it as much when Kelly's in my arms. We make small steps not really going anywhere, but I manage to keep up with her. Her head rests on my shoulder and one arm is safely around my back. Her other hand is holding mine tightly and is wedged between us. My arm around her waist feels the gentle sway of her hips as her weight shifts from one foot to the other.

Adam would be so proud if he saw me dancing. I can almost imagine his beautiful smile from across the room. For years he's tried to teach me how to fit in. He's told me time and time again to just let go of the fear and to start living. Well I'm doing it now.

It's amazing how Kelly is able to actually feel the music. I mean, I can hear it, I can even feel the vibrations from it, but I don't feel it; not throughout my entire body. Especially since I'm not making it. When I make my own music, I connect to it. This way? I feel disconnected from it. If I over think this, I'm going to misstep. But the pulse in her neck keeps the rhythm that I'm supposed to follow while my lips are pressed against it. See how she calms me? Everything awkward about me seems to go away around her.

There's something about the fragile that make me seem like I have it together. I know she's had a rough past and that's made her afraid of something. My job now is to make sure that there's nothing for her to ever fear again. That knowledge is what makes me strong in her eyes. What I'm providing, I know will comfort her for a lifetime. We are going to have that happily ever after.

This is right.

I lift my eyes for the briefest second and notice the hostess walking guests to their table. I can't explain it, but the straight arch of her back and the sway of her hips…I can already feel my mouth get moist. There's something about her, I don't know what it is, but a dull ache starting just below my navel makes me aware of her presence. But Kelly's hand is on the back of neck, gently soothing away the chaos that so quickly overcomes me. It forces my eyes away from her.

This is what I need. I want to build a normal life with this woman that will teach me how to be normal. Knowing that she needs me and that she is choosing me to protect her can keep me from all of the shit I'm trying to put behind me. My eyes tear away from the hostess and back onto Kelly's smiling face. "What?"

She shakes her head but her smile gets wider. "I'm gonna be your wife."

I've never said before, but I think I mean it. "I love you." No. I know I mean it, but this time, I think I feel it.


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: Sorry it's taken so long for an update. I hit a snag with chapter 15 (I stay 2 ahead with this story) but I figured it out. Jeff was losing his mind and Adam...well he was scaring me. Anyway, __enjoy!_

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Scratch the Surface - Chapter 13

I've been so busy the last couple of days that I haven't been home much. Judging from the dishes in the sink, I'd say that Adam hasn't been here either. He's notoriously neat. Like nothing is ever out of place, neat. I'm not really a slob, but I'm nowhere as neat as he is. He never complains about the small messes I leave around the house, though. Well, with the exception of my piss in the bathroom, he doesn't. His neat thing is just one of his little quirks that I live with. God knows he puts up with enough of mine.

I don't know why it's bothering me that there are dishes in the sink. If I were home for a few days there probably wouldn't be a clean dish left in the house. There's only one bowl, a fork, and a glass in there and for some reason it's driving me crazy. Adam cleans up the messes.

Maybe I'm foreshadowing, but it just feels like things are changing.

That shrink I had once told me that I live in a projecting state. Like I'm always transferring the way I feel onto other people. Yeah. She didn't know what the fuck she was talking about. If what she said was true, then I would be projecting thoughts around this place that would have me as happy as a pig in shit. See, I want to share with him Adam how happy I am. But I know if I tell him that for the last three days I've been staying in Kelly's dorm room looking at bridal magazines, hearing her girly dreams about this big fairytale wedding, complete with a castle and a mote, that he'd laugh his ass off. And not in a good way.

In all honesty, I can't help but to giggle each time I think about the way her face lit up when she explained to me how handsome I would look in a tunic and tights. And the groomsmen raising swords for us to walk under? I didn't want to disappoint her, so I let her have that fantasy. But there won't be any castles, no swords and no groomsmen.

No groomsmen. Besides Adam I don't have anybody to invite. I guess I could invite my brother, Mathew, but I don't think he'd come. Or maybe this friend I had once named Shannon. Only he won't show. He stopped speaking to me years ago. Then there's my dad. Adam would call me delusional if I told him I hoped my father would be there. If Adam doesn't completely write me off, it'll only be him and he'd look pretty fucking stupid holding a sword by himself.

Instead of thinking about how pathetic my side of the church is going to be, I might as well numb my mind with television. Since Adam's not home, why not indulge in the local news? He would have a fucking fit if he knew I was watching it. He had a fit when I told him I was going out with Kelly the other night and an even bigger one when I called to tell him I was staying at her place. He still doesn't think I'm ready to be social yet; he's still worried about me from the last time I left the house, but I don't think that's the whole truth. I use to black out all the time and it never bothered him this much.

Forshadowing my ass. Things are definitely changing.

Where's the bitch? Over the past week, I've grown in an adversarial relationship with that fucking reporter bitch, Lillian, that likes to dump on us. It doesn't make sense, but if I can just keep my eye on her, hear first hand what lies she's spreading, that I have some control over the situation.

As strange as it sounds, over the past week, knowing what she knows about us has been almost settling for me. But she's not on today. Where the fuck is she? Is she combing the streets making up more lies? Is she retracing our steps and writing a story to put our entire lives on display for the public? Little does she know, I've stopped. I can't wait to see her pinched face when she has nothing else to lie about. Fucking bitch.

I hate that bitch more when she's not on then when she is. And the fact that I don't know where she is, is making me nervous.

Turning my head toward the sound of the steps, I see Adam emerging from the basement. "Long time, no see." He smiles brightly before walking to me and bending over to kiss me on the head. "How are you feeling?"

I never take my eyes off of him as he rounds the couch to sit beside me. "Good. Tired, but good." He looks genuinely happy to see me. I feel myself smile as I reach across the couch to wipe away a smudge of dirt from his cheek. "What have you been into?"

He moves his head away from my hand before capturing it in his own. "You know. This and that. Gotta new project I'm working on." When Adam's being vague, I tend not to question why. He never gets himself into more than he can handle. We share our lives, but the manner in which we share is completely different. I am an open book to him, mainly because I can't seem to control my emotions. He shares with me by being supportive. It's not that I don't care what he's got going on; it's just, Adam doesn't need help. He tells me what I need to know and works the rest out on his own. "How's the pixie?"

There it is, the question about Kelly. I knew it was only a matter of time before we got to that conversation, only I was hoping it would be later. I want to tell him. He's my everything. I don't keep secrets from him and sure as fuck can't lie to him. But on the same token, I don't ever want to hurt him. "Good." That's not what I want to say, but it's all that will come out until I can think of how to phrase it.

"Just good? What no animated hearts floating above your head when you talk about her? Where's the sparkles and glitter and fairy dust? She's losing her touch." He's being sarcastic. That always happens when he talks about Kelly. I hate this. He must sense my mood changing because he lifts my hand to his lips and kisses my open palm. "What's wrong, baby?"

I haven't been this afraid to tell him something since that time I told him about my hobby. That was biggest leap of faith I ever took. This is nowhere near the same magnitude, but fuck if I'm not just as afraid.

I hadn't known him but a few months, yet somehow it felt right. Adam was different than anyone I had ever met before. He didn't judge me or ask me a lot of questions; he just let me crash on his couch after meeting in that bar. All he knew was I was in a funk that I couldn't get out of and not once did he make fun of me for it.

Those first couple of nights, he would come out of his bedroom and sit on the couch pulling my head to his lap. He would stroke my hair, silently, lovingly, letting me cry without prying. I don't know what made me tell him. I guess I just couldn't keep it in any longer. Those warm hazel eyes desperate to hear what was making me unhappy, the gentle sound of his breathing. I was scared but I trusted him. I swear I felt then just like I feel right now.

It just didn't seem that hard then. I had to tell somebody. Sweaty palms and a heartbeat I couldn't control and all, someone had to see me before I completely disappeared. So I told him. I told him about the hunger and how crazy it made me feel. I told him how I like to hurt them, restrain them, feel them fight against me. I tired to explain the tears and how they excited me. The punching and scratching, biting and resisting… the guilt, the pain, the endless crying and apologizing over them as they lay bloody and unconscious. I never meant to hurt any of them I just needed them to make me feel normal again. And it had worked for awhile.

And then I met her.

She was supposed to be like the rest of them, but no matter what I did, it wasn't enough. She loved it more than I did. I wasn't strong enough to break her and when I stopped, she begged for more. She needed it more than me. She was sick, all the things she asked me to do. And what was more sick was I couldn't do them. But she finally stopped asking when used the broken bottle. I don't know why I did it. Nothing I was doing on my own would hurt her enough. I didn't think it would kill her. But there was so much blood. I mutilated that woman to settle something within myself.

He listened silently as I recounted how I lost control and killed her so that I didn't have to hear her call me a failure. He understood that that's what led me to that bar that night. The one thing I knew made me feel powerful she had taken away from me so I ended her life. And that I would rather kill myself then to live knowing that I was weak. I can't believe I told him that. I never told anyone that much about myself.

I just knew that Adam would tell me to get the hell out of his house. But he didn't. He held me tight and soothed my tears. He told me he understood. Then he told me about the things that haunt him.

I felt like we connected when he explained the way the screams help him sleep at night. I understood what he meant by the smell of fear being sweeter than any perfume. It felt like he was reading my diary. I totally got how his hunger was so unbearable that he felt like he was losing his mind. I knew the feeling of ants crawling in my blood; it was just like that for him.

I had finally found someone that understood me. I had met the one person in the world that didn't think I was a freak. My insecurities, my awkwardness, my past time…nothing seemed to deter him from being there for me. If anything, I think it brought us closer.

Adam took me under his wing, got me a job with him, bought us this house and built a life for us to share. Adam taught me how to take pride and pleasure in what it is that we do. He showed me how to be me and make what is mine into an art form. Adam helped he accept love and know that I am worthy of it…even if I don't have my shit together. He proved to me time and time again that nothing I do is enough to make him leave me.

So why the fuck am I petrified to tell him about Kelly?

I take a deep breath and fix my eyes on the couch cushion between us. "I'm getting married." Slowly my eyes raise to meet his face and I blink back the shear terror that runs through me. If I could just read his expression I would feel more at ease. But for now he's just sitting there with a blank expression. "I – I proposed to her. S-She said yes." I try to sound relieved but I know it comes across that I'm unsure. I'm not unsure about Kelly. I'm unsure about Adam's silence to my admission.

Nothing. He says absolutely nothing. He's completely still and only his eyes blinking periodically lets me know that he's still paying attention. He never lets my hand go nor does he increase his grip to show his anger. Sometimes I hate how aloof he can be.

"Adam. This is what I want. I want a normal life. This thing that we do ain't normal. I use to think it was, but it's not. I mean sure, other people do it. The papers are full of a hundred stories of people that do what we do. But most people don't go around partying as hard or as often." I stand from the couch and start to pace in front of the television. His eyes follow me back and forth, but the look on his face never changes. "We can't do this forever. I just want a chance. Please, Adam?" I don't know why I'm crying. He hasn't said anything, but his silence is even worse than him yelling. I just want him to talk to me. "Say something."

He closes his eyes and folds his hands neatly in his lap. It takes a second for him to formulate the words. When he's ready and his eyes open, he turns his body to face me and he lowers his head with an eerily calm glare. "What would you like me to say?"

"Something. Anything. Let me know you're okay with it. Tell me you still love me and that you'll never leave me." Adam's approval means to me than even I understand. But I know he won't approve of this. "Tell me that you're still proud of me."

He shakes his head sadly and his eyes soften. I don't want him to react to my reaction but I know that's what he's doing. Just once, I want Adam to tell me how he feels without treating me like I make break. "Jeff."

Maybe if I can convince him enough, he'll be straight with me. I'm going to get married. I have to learn how to stand on my own feet if I'm going to be able to carry Kelly for the rest of our lives. I can take it. I can take whatever he says. But he has to know how I feel. "She makes me happy, Adam. I love her."

A cool smile spreads across his face before a throaty laugh escapes him. I don't like it when people laugh at me. Especially not Adam. "Please, don't laugh at me, Adam."

"I'm not laughing at you, Jeff. I'm laughing at the absurdity of the situation." He stands slowly and runs his fingers through his hair. Even now he's so fluid. Nothing in his body language shows how he feels. But the smooth tone of his voice alerts me that he's less than happy. "I'm not going to give you permission, if that's what you're looking for. You think this is what you want, but it's not." He stands in front of me and places a kiss on my forehead. "I've taught you everything you need to know. I have shown you the beauty of who and what you are. But the one thing I can't do is make you accept it. So if that pixie bitch is what will keep you entertained for awhile, then by all means. And when the feeling overwhelms you and you know what it is that you really need, I'll be right here waiting for you."

I would rather he yell at me then to use that disappointed tone of voice. I wish I could take back the last three days and have just kept that damn ring in my pocket. But I want this. I deserve it. I've been fighting this thing in me since I was seventeen years old. Isn't it time for it to stop controlling me? Isn't it time for me to be happy. "It's not like that, Adam."

"Then why are you crying?" He leans down to whisper in my ear and I feel my heart break at his words. "If you were sure, you have told me and not felt the need to defend it."

I sniffle back the emotion that's taking me at the moment. I feel dizzy and nauseous, but I'm not letting that give me an excuse not to deal with the events of my life. I will _not _black out. I will deal with discomfort and not second guess my actions.

I _am_ sure. I'm sure that I don't want lose him but that I want a normal life. "I'm done." My lips move to say the words but no sound comes from my mouth. I want him to understand that I mean it when I say it, but I just haven't found the strength yet.

"Okay." He says it with a smile and I know he doesn't believe me.

"I mean it." I find my voice and raise my eyes to finally meet his. I'm not backing down. Not this time. "I'm not doing it anymore."

With a shrug Adam turns away from and heads to the stairs. "You say that now. You might even think that you believe it. But you can't escape it."

I watch him walk up the stairs and I find myself at the foot of them, scared to death. "Just don't stop loving me. Please?"

He turns to me and I swear I see tears in his eyes. "I'll never stop loving you, Jeff. I just don't support you in this one. You can have all the dreams you want, baby. But you can never stop being who you are."

Adam's usually right about everything. I just pray to God that he's not about this.


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: Okay, so this chapter is a hard read. Jeff is really going through some things. You gotta bear with him. This story doesn't have too many more chapters. I really don't want it to be more than 20, so I'm hoping to start wrapping it up soon. _

_Thank you to everyone who has read, even if you haven't reviewed. It means a lot. _

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Scratch the Surface - Chapter 14 

"NO!" My face is soaked with sweat and my heart is racing. Looking around I notice that the room is still and that comfort is enough to remind me to breathe. Every night it's the same dream, but tonight it was more vivid than ever.

I don't remember it all, only the hall with all of them standing there. I remember their faces so clearly and the ones whose names I couldn't remember were wearing name tags. A few were chained, some just pinned down… I could still make out a few faces, but other ones were covered in blood. They all look like they did the last time I saw them. It was kinda comforting, actually.

I wouldn't really consider it a nightmare. Don't get me wrong, it was a scary dream but not in the traditional sense. I guess it was scary because it felt so real, like I could feel their presence and their cold, dead fingers touching me. I could see the longing and desire in their dead eyes. It was haunting, but that's not what scared me, either.

What scared me? Them telling me that I'm not done, that I never will be. All of them kept begging me to take 'em and I freaked because I_ wanted_ to. Even now I still want to. If I could close my eyes and force myself to pick up the dream where I ended it, I would do it. I would take each and every one of them. And that's enough to scare the shit outta me.

I reach over to grab my cigarettes and notice how badly my hand is shaking. This has got to stop. I'm waking up with cold sweats, shaking like a crack fiend, watering at the mouth. This is fucking torture. I need something, but I don't know what the fuck it is. All I know is this rocking back and forth shit isn't helping anything.

Adam would know what to do. I could go to him right now and tell him how I'm feeling and he'd make it all better. He'd take one look at me and make the uneasiness go away. He'd let me cry and hold me tightly in his arms. He'd whisper to me until I felt safe and protected. He'd rock me gently until I felt myself calming down. Then he'd kiss me ever so softly and that's when I'd know that I'm loved.

Yeah. That's what he'd do…that is if he were speaking to me. I don't think he's mad, though. It's more like he's trying to punish me from his touch. Instead of hugs and kisses, now he smiles at me and shakes his heads, like there's some damn inside joke that I don't know about. All I know is I don't like it. Not only am I giving up my hobby, but now Adam's put me on a diet from him, too.

I need to get out of this room. I need to see something else besides the black painted walls and dark wooden furniture. This room looks like a dungeon; it's all gloomy and heavily shadowed. My room looks like I'm hiding something; like I'm doing something so sinister that I don't want anyone to see. It's different from Adam's room, that's for sure. His room is so much bigger and it's so bright and full of life. He's not afraid in his room. He does whatever he wants, right out in the open. Adam doesn't know about having secrets or locking yourself away from the rest of the world to keep them safe. I wish just once I knew what that kind of freedom felt like. But staying confined here so that I don't go out isn't helping anyone, especially not me. I can move around the house, damnit. It's my house. I can go where in the hell I want.

The carpeted stairs are quiet, shielding the weight of my steps as I descend. Adam is home. His boots are by the front door. I didn't even know he left, let alone came back. Where does go when I'm not with him? There use to be time where he wasn't ever without me. We use to be inseparable, but now we're growing apart. Now it's like I'm living with a stranger.

Maybe I'm just paranoid. It's only been nine days since Maria cured me and already I'm second guessing everything. I know it sounds crazy, but I can't help it. I'm suspicious of everything, even myself. I know for sure that Adam's not going to find a new group of friends. He's not going to replace me. At least I hope not. What would do if he did? How could I survive?

I'm not going to get myself all worked up. He's just upset about my decision to marry Kelly. It'll blow over. He'll see. He'll understand and he'll want me to be happy. He's not going to abandon me. He'll adjust. He'll make room for Kelly and our family in his heart. I have to keep telling myself that, so one day I'll start to believe it. See, I don't even understand why I think about it like that. Adam's not acting resentful at all. It's me. _I'm _the one creating distance. Why when I know that I need him so much and what I'm doing is keeping us apart?

Maybe I'm afraid that he's going to talk me out of it? He can't though 'cause I'm cured. I have everything I need and when I marry Kelly I'm going to keep it forever. With a future like that, there's no reason for me to feel this way. So why in the hell do I have cramps in my stomach and my eyes won't focus.

I feel like I'm dying. Either that or I'm losing my mind.

Maybe this is the grief process. I never really said goodbye to that other Jeff. Maybe in my haste to start over, I never grieved for the person I was. How do you grieve for yourself? Should I hold a memorial? I bet Adam would know. He knows everything.

Maybe I'm just heartbroken. I feel so empty without him near me. I want him to love me the way he used to. To look at me with those soft eyes and know that my happiness is all that he cares about. I want to him to look at me the way I look at Kelly. I want him to know that I'm tired of fighting it and I just need to be held until this craving passes. I want him to see my pain and to wipe my tears when they fall. I want him to help me. I can't do this without him. Damn him! Why won't he help me?

I need to call Kelly. Lately, she's been the only one that keeps the sanity near, 'cause when she's around I concentrate more on her than what I'm feeling. God. Am I going to have to be in her presence for the rest of my life just so I don't have to feel this way?Without thinking I cross the kitchen and grab the telephone. Who cares if it's three in the morning, I need help and someone is going to give it to me. I can't spend my entire fucking life taking of her. What about me? What has she ever done for me? Well right now I'm going to give her the chance to start.

"Hello?" Kelly's asleep. She has a class in a few hours and I guess that trumps the crisis I'm going through at the moment. Fucking class and sleep and shit. I'm about to lose my goddamn mind and she has the nerve to be taking a fucking nap?

I bet she's even snuggled in her pink blankets with that fucking revolving stars and moon lamp spinning around the room. Just the thought of that room is making me cringe. "Hey."

"Jeff? What time is it?" Her baby soft voice is thick with sleep and usually I'd feel sorry for waking her. But fuck that. The only person I feel sorry right now, is me. And what's with that question? _What time is it?_ Not what's wrong or are you alright, only what time is it? Like what I'm going through right now is secondary to the fucking time. Who in the fuck does she think she is?

This was a mistake. I shouldn't have called her. She's not responsible for taking care of me. And after listening to her, I don't think she could handle it. She just proved with that one question, that she'll never know all of me. She doesn't deserve to. "It's late. Go back to sleep."

"Is everything okay?"

No. Nothing is okay. But it's about fucking time that she thought to ask. What clued her in? The fact that I'm calling in the three in the morning, or is the frantic sound of my voice a dead give away? Could be it the fact that I'm fucking salivating like a rabbid dog or maybe the ice water running through my veins making my teeth chatter? Hmm, let's see...could it be me sweating like I'm in the fucking Sahara? Stupid bitch. Do I look like I'm fucking okay to you? "Yeah. Everything is fine. Good night." Hitting the end button on the phone but keeping it to my ear, all I can hear is the sound of my own breathing.

I need help. I need something to take the edge off.

My eyes lift to Adam's smiling face and raised brows as he walks past me. He knows damn well there is something wrong with me, but he won't come to me. Fucking proving a point shit. Why can't he just yell at me like a normal person? At least that way after a fight, we could make up and he could help me through this.

But he won't. He won't say anything. He's waiting for me to come to him. Well you know what? Fuck that. I'm not giving in. I'm not proving him right. This is my decision and it's the right one. I don't want his help. But I need it. I just need feel his arms around me and have him soothe the confusion away. But I'll be damned if I beg.

He only stands there long enough to smile at me before I'm forced to watch him walk up the stairs. Why is he doing this? Why is he so distant? All I want to do is get married, not sever the relationship that we have. Doesn't he understand that I need him? I can't spend my whole life taking care of Kelly without somebody taking care of me. That's his fucking job, to take care of me. My job is to be the needy, screw up, his job is to make it all better. He needs to do his fucking job and stop bullshitting around, here.

I need to get a grip. It's not his fault. It's mine. Maybe I _am_ weak. I've seen people at their weakest to the point of not knowing if they're going to live or die. They have that look of shear terror in their eyes. I've seen it. It's comforting to me.

Sure they begged and screamed, but they didn't lose it. They held it together and had some shred of dignity when they died. They were stronger than me. Every one of those weak motherfuckers was stronger than I am. I'm slowing dying and could give a fuck less about my dignity, right now. I just want someone to hear my screaming without having to reduce myself to actually doing it.

I hate myself and everything in my life. I hate Adam and the way he's acting. I hate Kelly and her perfect innocence. I hate this fucking house, for trapping me in it. This fucking kitchen and this little ass table in this big ass space…it just looks fucking stupid.

And when in the hell did he replace the cabinet doors? Why do we need glass doors? Do we _need_ to see our dishes? I'm having a fucking nervous breakdown and he's being Bob fucking Villa. But that's typical Adam. If you don't do one thing right, he'll may you pay by taking everything comfortable away. Nothing in here is mine anymore. _Everything_ from the neutral colors, to the apple pie scented candles, to the freakishly tidy appearance, is Adam. I've been here for five years and in nine days, he's managed to get rid of me. There's no trace of me anywhere. I've fucking vanished from the one person who actually saw me. It's like I never existed.

I should just go to the cabin and talk to Maria. She understands me. She listens to me. She thinks I'm strong and powerful regardless. And she'll me give what I want; the fear etched on her face, even if she won't cry. I just need a little more of her healing. If she can cure me again, I know it'll stick this time.

But I don't think she'd even offer me her redemption again. I think she's afraid of me or disappointed because she doesn't put her arms around me anymore. There's no more warmth in her touch. I can't even smell her innocence. She's hiding herself from me, because she knows that's what I need from her. Now, she just sits in that closet and looks at me with those huge eyes, but there's no emotion behind them.

Everyone is turning on me. Well you know what? Fuck them. I don't need any of them. I'll do this on my own.

Turning off the kitchen light, I notice that Adam left the one in the basement on. I hate the basement. It's so cold and damp. I know it sounds stupid from a guy that hangs out in abandon buildings, but the basement scares me. I mean, I won't even go down there to do laundry. Adam always does it. The only time I ever step foot down there is to get the Christmas decorations and Adam is always with me. He usually laughs, then kisses my head before taking my hand and leading me downstairs. He always walks in front of me to make sure that everything is safe. Then he sits at the foot of the steps and watches me while I rummage through the boxes. He never leaves that step until I'm ready to come up.

My lips twitch in a smile at the memory but that's suddenly replaced by licking them to ebb the fear. Why can't Adam protect me right now? I'm sick, scared and alone, but there's a sound that's like a symphony to me. And I have to go down there to hear it.

Looking around the kitchen as if there's some dark presence watching me, I swallow hard and take the first step. My sweaty palm glides along the wooden banister and my other hand is clinched into a tight fist. My feet touch each step softly like I'm gonna creep up on my fear or something. But as scared as I am, I can't help but to feel triumphant and little drunk by the prospect of hearing that sound again.

You know those clouds of aroma that drag the cartoon characters around by their nostrils? Well that's what this sound is doing to me. I'm not even half way down and already it's becoming clearer. It's making me excited…clinch my thighs involuntarily…tingle in my groin…

As more of the room comes into view the anxiety mounts. The movement is getting louder and more sporadic. I don't know what it is, but it feels comforting. It's almost like something is trying desperately to get away from me. And the more it needs to retreat, the more I need to find it. "Hello?"

Now there's another sound. It sounds like metal, but with a soft whimper. That's gotta be what it is. There is no other sound quite like fear.

Stepping onto the last step, I stare at the sight in front of me and feel my heart race. A cage, like the ones that you train dogs in. I didn't expect to see that. But that's not what has my feet glued to the spot, though. The thing that has my muscles refusing to move is the woman _inside _of the cage.

God she's a sight for sore eyes.

She's huddled in the corner, dirty, tatter and beaten, gagged, hands tied. She's terrified. I can smell it from here and it's the most beautiful smell in the world. The adrenaline is pumping through my body to the point that I have to grip onto the banister not to advance.

What do I do? She wants me. She's beckoning me with those tears, and teasing me with the way the she's squatting trying to crawl away from me. She wants me to play the game. She wants the chase and to have me take her. She's practically begging me. The thought of what she wants me to do makes me smile. Suddenly I don't feel sick or crazy anymore. I feel like I have a purpose.

I have to make a choice. Should there even be a choice? Maybe I could give in just this once and it'll be easier afterward. But I've come so far. It's been nine days and it's no guarantee that this going to make me feel any better. But after nine days doesn't the taste leave your tongue? You don't still think about it every waking moment of the day, do you? Seeing a woman in a cage in my home shouldn't put my soul at ease. But God knows it does.

This is _supposed_ to be wrong. At least, I _should _feel like it's wrong. "I don't need this. So stop fucking asking me." I hear my voice and look around to make sure that everything around me hears it, too.

I hear Adam coming down the stairs from the second floor to the first. Out of instinct, I turn around and head back up myself. I don't want to leave her with her fear all alone. Someone should be there to watch it. But I know I can't stay here without giving in. I can't take the temptation or the way she's looking at me. She wants me so bad, but I can't. At least I shouldn't want to.

I don't make it very far, only back to the kitchen. I close the door behind me and slide down it until I'm sitting with my knees against my chest. I don't know what to do. What's more important, my wants or my needs? Not that it matters because right now, I want what I need and need what I want. And they're both her.

I thought I could push away the hunger, but I was so wrong. And the scariest thing about it is I know that if I don't feed it soon, it's going to eat _me_.


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N: Sorry it's taken me so long to get this one up. I was having trouble with the next chapter. But it's written and all is right with the world. _

_**This chapter contains rape and violence.****

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Scratch the Surface - Chapter 15

I never take my eyes off of Adam as he moves around the kitchen. He hums softly while opening the refrigerator door. Sitting his lunch meat on the counter, he leans over to grab the bread. That song he's humming is so happy, energetic. What in the hell is he so happy about? "Hmm? Mustard." How in the fuck can he decide that he wants a late night snack while I'm going crazy here and there's a woman in a cage in the basement?

I watch him in disbelief but he doesn't see me. I'm right here sitting on the floor in front of the basement door invisible. Have I become that insignificant, or is he just ignoring me?

"Excuse me." He steps over my legs to get to the pantry. He grabs a soda and stops to sit it on the kitchen table before he returns to the counter to finish his culinary masterpiece. The precision in which he prepares his meal is almost poetic. Mustard on one side of the bread, mayonnaise on the other, the ends of the meat neatly tucked in so that none hangs over the bread, he's so meticulous. And the way he cuts off the crusts, making perfectly even, deep lines reminds me of watching a doctor with a scalpel. He truly is an artist. "Would you like a sandwich?"

He sees me. I haven't disappeared after all. "Why is there someone downstairs?" I don't really want to know why. What I want to ask is can I have her. I can't stop thinking about her. Those creamy white legs, her hair sticking to her face, those tears…

With a shrug, Adam takes his saucer to the kitchen table and pulls out the chair. He sits, folds a napkin in his lap and prays before he bites into his food. Counting the twelve time his jaw moves before he swallows, I feel myself growing impatient. I need answers. "She was your birthday present. But since you don't need this anymore…now she's my project."

I don't say anything, because I have the overwhelming urge to run to him and thank him. This is the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me. But I can't accept his gift. I don't need this anymore. "You can't keep her here." I don't mean it but it sounds like the right thing to say. Every part of me wants her to stay. There's a safety net knowing that she's here if I ever need her. But the temptation is too great. She has to leave.

"Calm down, Jeff. I know that." He laughs and shakes his head, before wiping crumbs that have fallen onto the table into his hand. "I don't plan on keeping her here. I had big plans for that one. But now," he shrugs his shoulders and takes another sip from the can, "she'll leave when she dies."

"Adam…"

"It just doesn't feel right partying without you. So instead of the usual, I'm gonna see how long she can last on her own. I won't help her, even if she begs me too. I'll make her do it herself." He still won't turn to face me, but at least now he's talking. He's so calm, not showing one iota of being unhappy with me. But he won't make eye contact. I'm afraid that I've hurt him more than I can ever make up for. Yet there's comfort in hearing the sound of his voice. "I feed her. Let her out to go the bathroom twice a day. Punish her when she doesn't piss on the paper…you know. Treat her like the bitch that she is." He laughs at the analogy before picking up his sandwich and taking another bite. "I'll see how long she can take it, before I tell her, her options."

I don't know what her options are, but I have a pretty good idea. Adam is either going to barely keep her alive forever or he's going to drive her so crazy that she kills herself. He is so innovative. A part of me hopes that she holds on, because knowing that she's here is starting that giddy feeling that I love. "How long have you had her?"

He looks at the ceiling as if the timeline is written there. "Since she pissed you off."

"Me? Who is…" It dawns on me. That's why she wasn't on the fucking news. He offered to kill her if it would make me happy and I didn't tell him no. He found her and brought her to me as a gift. He loves me enough to do that for me. "Why?"

Adam's shoulder raise in a shrug and so do his eyebrows. "Because I know that you want her the most."

That's not true. I go for the ones with the vibe, the ones that taunt me with their charisma. Never once have I been with someone out of spite. He does that, not me. "No…" My head shakes violently and I feel the tears start to well in my eyes. I don't want to believe him. But I can feel myself wanting her more knowing how much I hate her. I can do whatever I want and not feel guilty about it because that bitch deserves it. But I know her name. That should make me not want her. But I do. God I want her so bad. "I didn't ask."

"You didn't have to, Jeff. I know what you need." He stands from the table and walks over to the sink. "You don't want to need her, but you do." There's a pause while he rinses his dishes and stacks them neatly in the drying rack. He's humming again, fully enveloped in his task. Only after he has the sink cleared and the can of soda thrown in the recycling bin, does he turn to me with a pout on his lips. Shaking his head as if watching a child, Adam walks to me and squats down. "I know you." He whispers, pushing the hair that has escaped from the ponytail behind my ear. "Just like I know that you'll go upstairs and try to convince yourself that I'm wrong. You'll find every reason why you shouldn't but only one why you should. And do you know what that reason is?" I shake my head at his question. I wish I knew the answer. "Because you _need_ it."

The tears in my eyes blur Adam's face, but I can still see those hazel eyes full of concern for me. "I don't want to need it." I whisper, trying like hell to convince myself more than him. I don't want to be like this. Not anymore.

"But you do. Accept it, Jeff." I can tell by his tone of voice that this is just as hard for me as it is for him.

There are so many things that I want to say to him. But only one thing comes to mind. "Why are you doing this to me?" I want to be mad at him for giving me this choice. I want to hate him for allowing me to take comfort in the monster inside of me. But the truth of the matter is, I don't. Deep down I know he's right. Shit. On the surface he's right. I wanted him to be so wrong about this. Why can't I be strong, just once?

Adam smiles, sitting beside me and pulls my head to his shoulder. I've been aching for him to hold me for so long that the only thing I can do is break down in his arms. This is the side of me that Kelly will never understand. I don't even understand it. Only Adam does and he never seems to get tired of it. "Oh, baby. I would never do anything to hurt you. I'm trying to help you. Do you think I enjoy watching you like this? It fucking tears me up inside. I hate that bitch for making you feel you feel like this, when all I want is for you to be happy." He squeezes me tighter, rocking with me on the floor. "Right now, the only thing that can make you happy is locked in a cage in the basement. Take her. That's what she's there for."

"I'm scared." My voice is so small and I feel so helpless. I don't to be like this, but it makes so much sense. Everything has a way making sense when he says them. That's why I need him so much. He never lies to me. He only has my best interests at heart. He loves me, even with this side of me that is never fucking satisfied. But he sees past all that. He knows that I just have this thing inside of me that needs to feed. And that doesn't make me a bad person. It's the act that's bad, not me.

Pulling away, Adam wipes my tears with his thumb and holds my chin in his hand. "How can I make this easier for you? Do you want me to hold your hand and wait with you downstairs like I always do?" He's still so gentle with me. Even after all of this. "Do you want me to take her up to your bedroom?"

My head shakes vehemently at that suggestion. That's the bed that I share with Kelly. I'll be damned if that slut is going to taint it. "The foldout cot is fine."

"Give me a few minutes. I'll come back up and get you when everything is ready." With a gentle kiss to my lips, Adam stands to his feet.

This is it. I'm giving in. I'm not stronger than the feeling inside of me. I am as weak as I feared.

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I hate myself for being like this. I hate Adam for loving this thing in me. And I hate this bitch for being here and making me do this.

Every ounce of hatred I have in me I take out on her. She's getting it; nines days worth of pent up aggression, anger, fear and starvation. My hunger won't subside until it's feasts on her completely. And feeding never felt so good. If only this bitch would stop fucking screaming, I could enjoy it. I push her face further into the mattress to shut her up.

The can only see red when Adam's hand gently closes around mine. "Not so hard, baby." He increases the grip on my hand and pulls it upward to release her face. "If you suffocate her, she won't be here whenever you need her."

I'm not sure that I want here, though. I don't want this kind of temptation looming over me everyday. As long as she's here, I'm going to think about her. Whenever I'm in the house, I'm going to have the urge to see what's she doing, to listen to her beg me to take her. And how can I live knowing that she will be forced to live in the one place in the world that I'm afraid of? It's not much of a choice, really. If she doesn't kill herself, I have to.

I'll think about playing the hero after I get my fill of her. At the rate I'm going, that won't be for a very long time. From this position I can't see her face. I thought taking her from behind would give me open access for whatever I wanted to do to her. But this isn't about what part of her I want to rip open, it's about seeing her reaction to it. "Fight back, you bitch." Damn her for not cooperating. Doesn't she know that I need this to be over, so I can go back to trying pick up the pieces of my life? She's fucking up and pissing me off.

I flip her over and push her legs back so far that I hear her hip pop. She's getting off easy that it's me doing this to her and not Adam. I'm doing her favor, and she's too fucking ungrateful to notice it. She won't cry. I can hear her whimpering, but there aren't any tears. Damn her. "Shut the fuck up."

That's it. I'm sick of being nice. I tried to make her understand that I didn't want to hurt her, but she's asking me to. She must want it rough or she would do what I need her to do. And she's looking right at me. Her eyes are fucking calling me, wanting more. Fuck. I have to give her more.

I grip her hair to pull her into a seated position on the cot in front of me. This fucking gag is in the way. Before anything else happens, I still feel the need to explain to her the rules. With one hand tightly around her throat and my other in her hair, I pull her head back until her eyes meet mine. "You're gonna suck my cock and if you scream or try to bite me, I will kill you." I don't even recognize my own voice. It sounds more like Adam's than my own.

I have never threatened to kill anyone before but I mean it with her. I feel myself losing control, but it's not like how it normally is. Usually when I lose it, I feel out of place, like something is wrong. But this is different. I'm so angry. I can't stop it. It's scary but it's comforting at the same time. This anger is making my hands shake as the grip around her neck gets tighter. I could choker her to death with one hand and actually be amused by it.

"You're doing fine, baby." Adam's voice forces me to look up at him. He's made himself a seat on top of the washing machine and he's eating chips like he's watching a movie.

I know I should feel like this is wrong, but right now I can't. Right now the hunger has found a companion in my anger and those are the only two emotions that I can allow myself. But once they stop, I know the guilt will be worse than it has ever been before. After all, I don't want to do this. I have to.

There's something about her face without the gag that forces the rage out of me. I hate this bitch more than any whore I've ever met. And just looking at her forces me to punch her repeatedly. She bleeds too much. I don't like smell of blood and this bitch is bleeding all over me. "You like telling fucking lies? You like making shit up about us? Fuck you." I hit her with such force that she falls to the cement floor, choking and sputtering on her own blood.

"He didn't give you permission to move." Adam's voice holds such amusement as he speaks to her frightened eyes that are looking in his direction. "Tsk, tsk, tsk." I shoot a look in his direction, suddenly resenting the fact that he's trying to intimidate her. Adam puts his finger up to lips to signal that he'll stay quiet. He knows that I need to do this on my own. I need to feed off of her fear of _me_, without his help.

Listening to her whimper forces me to keep her quiet. She won't scream, so I can't kill her, but I have to shut her up some way. I bang her head against the cold floor and before she can recover, I pin her shoulders down with my legs. I don't care if I'm hurting or if I'm her ripping her hair out while holding her head off of the floor. She needs to finish what she started. If she didn't ask for this, she wouldn't be in situation now.

With each wave of my orgasm a larger wave of guilt crashes against me. This is what I was afraid of. It's going to swallow me whole. I hate her, but I need her. I don't want her to leave, but she can't stay here. I'm afraid of what I could have done to her if Adam hadn't have been here to stop me.

"It's okay, baby. You did a good job." Adam helps me to stand hands my shorts to me. I can't even put them on, I'm crying too hard. I can just barely make out his body kneeling in front me when I feel my shorts being pulled up over my legs. "You go on upstairs and get yourself together. I'll clean up this mess that Lillian made."

She's covered in her own blood and squirming on the floor. "What are you gonna do?" My voice is so weak that it's barely audible.

A brilliant smile lights Adam's face as he reaches over to the table next to the washer and grabs the bottle of bleach. "I'm going to destroy evidence." He chuckles while unscrewing the bottle and pouring it haphazardly over her body.

I can't watch this. Not anymore. I have to get out of here. My legs won't carry me up the stairs fast enough and just as I reach the top, I hear the metal bars of the cage close. She's back in her new home. Safe and sound until the next time I need her.

I notice that Adam has left a joint for me in the ashtray on the kitchen table. Taking a seat, I light it and close my eyes as I choke back the aroma. I can't do this anymore. I can't live with the consequences. I know what I need to do. And I'm taking the first step, right now.

As soon as I see Adam's smiling face emerging from the basement, I flick the ashes aside and look at him sternly. "I'm moving out of the house and marrying Kelly, whether you like it or not."

Adam's eyes turn cold almost immediately, and the calmness in his voice scares me. "That's what you think." A sick smile dances on his lips and that laugh…

Dear God, what have I done?


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N: There are only 2 or 3 more chapters left. Sorry for the delay in updates. Life's been a little crazy and I've actually started writting my other stories, too. I hope you enjoy!_

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Scratch the Surface - Chapter 16

It's so cold. Like the kind of cold that goes all the way through your bones and makes you stiff when you try to move. My daddy used to say that it's the kind of cold that gives you Piles. I don't know what the fuck Piles are, but it's cold enough to make me wonder if he was right.

Scraping my face against something hard, my eyes open slowly. Where in the fuck am I and how did I get here? Boxes, old clothes, garden equipment? This isn't my room. Even if it does feel as cold and lifeless as mine does, it's not. There aren't any black painted walls. If this were my room, I would be in my bed with all of my blankets, not lying smack dab in the middle of a concrete floor.

Concrete? A look to the left verifies where I am. Now the question is how? I should have known by that gentle hum what room this is. No other room in the house has a dehumidifier. As soon as it comes into view there is no doubt in my mind. Resting on top of the milk crate in the utility sink, flanked on both sides by the washer and dryer it continues to hum drowning out almost every other sound.

Sitting up to try to shake the feeling of panic that overcomes me, I look around the dark basement. Why am I in the basement? How did I get here? This is probably the one place in the world that I'm afraid to be, so when did it seem like a good idea to crash here for the night. There are bugs down here and the feeling of being stored away and forgotten forever. Not exactly the place where the most comfortable slumber can be sought.

Unless…shit. Unless I blacked out again. But that doesn't make sense. When I black out, I usually wake up somewhere safe, somewhere that I know nothing bad can happen to me. It's almost like I have this knack for knowing what I need when the time gets lost, 'cause I always seem to wake up in the presence of what I need the most.

My back makes contact with something hard and images start to come back in flashes. These are dreams. They have to be. None of that happened because I'm cured. What the fuck happened? Why can't I remember? I can't remember because it's not true. None of these thoughts are true. If I open my eyes right now, I won't be leaning against a cage and there damn sure won't be anyone in it.

Slowly, I turn around until I'm on my knees kneeling in front of whatever I was resting against. The only thing that I can hear is the sound of the dehumidifier. If there was a woman in a cage, I would be able to hear her breathing, or moving or something, right? But what if it's true? What if the vision I keep having really happened? What if she's dead now?

Holding my breath I open my eyes and they instantly fill with tears. "No!" My voice sounds like a whine from a small child. Did it happen the way that I remember it? Did I really come down here with Adam? Did Adam and I fight and after he went to bed I came back down for seconds?

The bars of the cage are cool against my forehead. I can feel myself starting to sweat trying to remember. I remember having her backed up against the bars while she was still locked inside. I remember sliding my hands around her waist to hold her still. Out of instinct I grab my wrist at the thought. Unclucthing my right hand from left wrist, I see the bruise. It's real.

I can still feel the cold bars against my waist as I fucked her. It was too scary to be in that cage with her, so I fucked her from outside of it. Being down here was bad enough, so instead of letting her out, or joining her, I had her get on her knees and I fucked her through the bars. Only this cage isn't that big and she's not a short woman. There's blood in her hair and it covers her face. There's this banging sound that keeps playing over and over again. Her head hit the metal. Each time I pushed into her, her head hit the metal of the cage.

I fucked her to death.

"Adam?" I'm going to throw up. This is getting out of control. There used to be a plan, things were done in a certain order, rules were never broken. Now we're just doing whatever the fuck we want. He's kidnapping people and bringing them here. We're partying at home. There's a dead woman in my basement. "Adam, I need help!"

He's not answering me. Where is he? Finding my footing, I stand on weak legs before pulling my shorts back to my waist. I've got to find him. We've got to get rid of Lillian and then I need to get as far away from this house as possible.

I can do this. Stopping isn't that damn hard as long as there's no temptation. But being with Adam, there's always temptation. "Adam?" Calling him from the basement stairs doesn't bring him to me. I don't know where he is, but I have to find him.

The bright sunlight fills the kitchen when I open the basement door. Squinting, I look around for the clock. It's after two; he's got to be home. The house looks like always does, like it's ready for guests to pop in unannounced. Nothing is out of place, not even the dishes from the snack we had last night. He always tidies up but something feels wrong. Things are too clean. I can tell the difference from when he straightens and when he cleans. Adam only cleans when he's actually expecting someone. Who the hell would he invite over when we have a guest in the basement?

"Adam?" I take the stairs two at a time as soon as I hear his voice. His bedroom door is closed. What the hell is going on? He's crossed the line. As good as he is there's no way he's going to be able to cover this up. It's my job to help him because he always helps me. I have to make him understand that we don't do it like this. The thrill, it's evolving. If I don't stop him, he's going to get caught. "Adam, I need to talk to you."

I try the door handle but it's locked. I can hear him laugh and then the gasp of a voice that is distinctly female. Adam doesn't hook up often. And he never brings any of them here. Out in the open? In our home, to his bedroom? That's what the cabin is for. He can't party in the house. Shit. "Adam! Open the door! I need to talk to you!" I bang on the door and wait for a second. His laughter is the only thing I hear.

"Jeff?" My heart stops beating in my chest at the sound of my name. I know that voice. I know the sound of those tears. This must a dream. I'm still asleep, because there's no way that this is really happening. "Jeff, I'm scared."

My mouth is so dry that I can hardly speak. I don't know what to do. Frantically I bang on the door, trying the knob and even kick it to gain entry. "Kelly? Kelly baby are you okay?"

"Oh she's just fine." There's a giggle in Adam's voice right before I hear her scream. He laughs at that. I don't know what he's doing, and I have never felt more helpless in all of my life.

Pushing my weight against the door I try to break it down. It won't budge. The pain in my shoulder is evidence that when Adam picked out these double insulated doors, he knew what he was doing. "Kelly. Open the door. I need you to open the door." I don't care if the neighbors hear me. Hopefully they will and help me get her out of there.

"Jeff, why are you letting this happen? Help me!"

"He can't because I won't let him in." Adam's calm voice sounds like it's closer to the door than it was before. He's moving and things are falling or breaking. "He can't help you. Jeff's not here anymore to save you."

My tears match the sound of her screaming. There's nothing I can do to convince her to unlock the door. She's probably too scared. Adam is the one that I need to do this. I need him to understand that this has to stop. "Adam? Please, Adam? Just open the door. Don't hurt her. Just leave her alone."

"I'm not gonna hurt her, Jeff, if she cooperates." He never changes from that calm tone of his. Even now with me begging him and Kelly screaming, he's still in control. I have to admire that. "You love her. I just wanna know why. There's something that she has that you think is better than partying with me. She's gonna show me what it is. I wanna know the pixie bitch's secret."

My shoulder hurts, my knuckles are bleeding from pounding on the door. There's nothing I can do. Sliding down to rest with my back against the wall, I stare at the place that I can't get inside. "Adam, you know I love you. And you know I love the life we have. But it has to stop someday. The partying, the sex, the drugs, the killing…we can't go on like this forever. It's not Kelly's fault. It's mine. I just want a normal life."

"Jeff, you're scaring me." I hear her frantic plea not to hear anymore of what we do. She doesn't know anything about my life outside of her and the tone in her voice says that she doesn't want to.

But I have to tell her. Maybe his goal is to tell her all of the things I've done, so she'll leave me on her own. But if I beat him to the chase, then it won't be so bad. "Torturing Kelly won't change how I feel. Killing her isn't gonna stop me from wanting a normal life. I don't wanna hurt people anymore. I don't wanna black out again. I raped and killed that woman downstairs and I didn't remember it until I saw her body. I can't do it anymore."

"Jeff stop it! Please! I wanna go. Let me out of this room!" Kelly's screams are turning my stomach. I hate the sound of screaming. I almost want to yell at her to shut up just so she can she can stop.

But Adam's cool tone draws my attention back to him. "This is why she needs to go. She's convinced you that what we do is wrong. You've never raped anybody. You gave them what they wanted. And we don't kill people. We set them free. This bitch," Glass breaks right before she screams again, "has got it all twisted up in your mind."

"Why are you doing this?" I hear Kelly ask the question at the same time I do.

"It's for you, Jeff. I'm doing this for you."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I feel a soothing hand stroke my cheek and my eyes open with a flutter. Why am I on the floor? "Adam?" His face comes into view, but it's hazy. Those hazel eyes are so soft looking down at me. He cradles me against his chest and rocks back and forth. "What happened?"

"Shh." He coos stroking my hair and kissing me softly on the head. "It's alright now. It's over."

Nodding in a groggy haze, I look up at him. There's blood on his cheek. "What happened to your face?" I'm still trying to piece together the last few minutes, hours or days. Everything is a blank.

Pulling away from me, Adam looks concerned. "It's over." His clothes are soaked in blood. His hair is matted to him with sweat. We're in his room. Why in the hell is he covered in blood in his room?

"What's over?" I look around him and see a body lying in a pool of blood. A girl. A pretty girl judging from her naked body. I can feel myself harden at the sight of her. I can't see her face, there's too much blood. Apparently he didn't like the way she looked because he cut her all over. When Adam doesn't like something, he tries to remove it. Judging from the amount of deep cuts he hated something about her. "Who's that?"

"It's Kelly." His voice is soft and his grip on my face gets tighter when I try to move. He's trying to calm me, but I don't understand. "Jeff. Baby. This was for the best. She was trying to hurt you. You needed protection so I put that bitch down."

Pushing him aside, I crawl over to her body and cover it with mine. Maybe if I can talk to her, she'll wake up. "Kelly? Wake up. I'm gonna get you some help." If I can just wipe the blood from her face then maybe she could breathe. Using my shirt, I start to wipe, but I can't find her face. It's not there. I rub my cheek against the raw flesh of hers hoping like hell that she can feel me.

"It was her fault." Adam's arms are around me again. He's lying on top of me, holding me while I cry. "She came here because you called her late last night. She was worried about you. You blacked out after Lillian and I couldn't get you to come to. She didn't believe me when I said you were sick. She started looking for you. I couldn't let her find you with Lillian. She wouldn't have understood that. So I brought her up here to try to calm her down. But then she started saying things..." His voice gets harsher but he still holds me. "She started saying that I'm the one making you sick. That she seen the bruises and she knows what we do. She said if I didn't leave you alone, she was going to tell the police. She's followed us, Jeff. She knew about the cabin. That bitch knew a lot."

Kelly? My Kelly? She didn't know. She couldn't've. I never said anything, not even when she asked about the scars and what I did when I would gone for weeks at a time. She was so innocent, how could she know? Maybe that's what she was always afraid of. I never knew what it was that had her so scared, but maybe it was what I did when I was with Adam. I don't know. There's too much to consider right now. But one thing is constant; Adam never lies. "I don't understand."

"I had to protect you." The door opens with a bang and all I can make out are guns. I don't know what to do. They pull Adam of me and handcuff him. "I will always protect you." I can see his compassionate smile before I look down at Kelly's bloody body. It had to have happened like Adam said. He did this to protect me.

I stand silently and feel the handcuffs on my wrists. I can't find Adam. I guess they've taken him away already. I happen to glance at myself in the mirror. My clothes are covered in blood, my hair is matted to my face with sweat and tears. My knuckles are bleeding and there is blood on my cheek. I look like Adam did covered in Kelly's blood. I know what they think, but it doesn't matter.

Kelly's gone, and they've taken Adam away. Everything is slipping away from me. It's growing hazy and fading to black…


	17. Chapter 17

_A/N: Here's the next to the last chapter. This chapter is confusing, but it's supposed to be. Once you read it you'll understand why. I tried to be as subtle as possible, and I wonder if anyone besides grleviathan will figure out what exactly is going on. Hopefully after this, it will become clear to you, too._

_Only one more to go. Enjoy!_

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Stratch the Surface - Chapter 17 

Grey paint makes this room seem colder than it actually is. It should be comforting, being such a warm color and all, but it's something about it that makes my teeth chatter. Judging from the birds in the tree outside of the sliding glass doors it seems like a warm spring day. The sky, or what I can see of it, is bright blue and there are only the faintest whispers of clouds over head, yet for some reason my body aches like it's going to rain.

I hate this room. The walls are decorated with plaques, awards and certificates. The dark wooden frames only make the grey walls more prominent; it makes it seem distant, sterile even. And the large lacquered oak desk is too small for the amount of papers and files on top of it. It looks like way more work gets done in here than it actually does.I know for damn sure _we_ haven't done anything in here today.There's a touch lamp on the table between the two oversized chairs. I don't know what it is about that lamp with its grey base and neatly decorated yellow flowers that wind around it. Maybe it's the square glass lampshade, or the fact that it barely gives off any light that relaxes me. All I know is I can't stop staring at it.

"Jeff?" My eyes turn slowly toward the sound of my name, but I can't focus them. A hazy white face with dark hair is right in front of me but I can't really see it. "You still with me?"

Nodding my head slowly, I lazily blink my eyes and for a second the face comes into view. No sooner do I make out who she is does her face seems to slide away again. I know I look crazy trying to refocus my eyes and I can't stop this smile on my face. "Steph?"

I met Stephanie not too long ago; a few days ago, or maybe it's been a few weeks. I can't really be sure. All I know is I have full beard now and I didn't before, so maybe it's been awhile. The days all seem to run into each other.

Anyway, it seems like every time I wake up, I'm talking to fucking Steph. She's in charge here, I think, because she asks so many damn questions. Only people who ask that many questions are in charge of things. It's funny because people in charge should know shit, but she doesn't. No one here seems to know anything.

I don't really know where _here_ is. After Kelly died, I woke up here. There's not much to do, mainly fucking talking. I sleep a lot and when I wake up they give me junk. This place has the best fucking drugs. It's not like that shit you get on the street. This shit is high end and it doesn't wear off that fast. I don't get sick from it and I don't know who the cook is, but they know how to mix them. And the best part is, I don't have to pay for them.

I call this place the Drug Store because they keep me high and well rested. The only problem is I'm so out of it most of the time that I can't seem to get my head together and figure out how to go home.

"I'll see what I can do about adjusting your medication." A gold blur rushes over a foggy white surface and I can only imagine she's writing more notes. She loves to write notes. "So, you wanna talk some more?"

With a shrug I feel my head snap back. Repositioning myself in the chair I rest my elbows on the table as if to steady myself in my seat. "Not really."

"Tell me about your family."

My family? Of all the things we could talk about right now, she wants to talk about my family? There's a short subject. "I don't have a family. They took my family away from me." My eyes close because it's the only way to make the room stop spinning. But even in the darkness of my lashes, swirls of colors still threaten to me dizzy. "I wanna lay down."

Papers start to move followed by a steady tapping on the table. She likes to do that, even though it gives me a headache. Even with my eyes closed, I know she's looking for some way to start the conversation. "It says here that your mother died when you were little and you were raised by your father."

"I had a brother once. He raised me." Not to disrespect my dad's role in anything but he didn't raise me. He put food on the table and clothes on my back, but it's not like he talked to me. My father was the kind of man that did what he had to do, nothing more. "Matty's three years older than me. He took care of me. Every time I fell, he picked me up. See this scar?" I lean my head to the side to expose my jaw to her. I wonder if she can still see it through my beard? "I fell out a tree. I cried. Man, did I cry. But Matty picked me up. He loves me. Every time I cried he'd hold me. Matty kept me safe." As soon as the memory of Matt floods into my foggy mind I can feel myself smile.

"Here, drink this." Steph clears her throat and pours water into a paper cup. It's always paper because they won't give me glass. She slides it across the table and her hand drums waiting for me to take it. I do, but it's hard to get my hand to my mouth. I have to crouch downward in the seat to drink. "Where's Matty now?"

Where _is_ Matty? Fuck if I can remember. "He doesn't talk to me no more. We haven't talked in about five years." A chill creeps across the room and it's not from the cool water gliding down my throat. I wish they'd turn on the heat or give me a jacket or something. This room is too cold. "We lived together for a while. When I left he used to write me. Now he doesn't."

"Jeff," her voice is careful and the hushed tone she's using tells me that she's going to say something that might upset me. I just wish that she would come out say whatever it is she knows. It's a lot easier hearing the parts I don't remember than when she tries to force the memories from me. They hurt. And I don't mean like the feelings from them hurt me. They physically hurt. The last time I remembered was when she asked me about Kelly. When I woke up from talking to Steph about her, I had a gash on my forehead. Remembering is painful. "Your father said that Matt died when you were nineteen. That's over ten years ago."

Matty died? That's bullshit. If Matty died, I would have known. Stephanie's full of shit. She likes to lie. She's always trumping up something stupid, something to get a rise out of me. Well fuck her. I'm not believing that shit, even if she has good drugs. I can find my own shit. "Bullshit! He didn't die. He just left. That was Shannon's fault." I don't talk to him anymore, either. It's funny how the people I need the most in my life all just stop talking to me after awhile. "My head hurts."

"It's okay. You're in a safe place. You've got to tell yourself that so you don't go into the darkness. But if you can't help it, I have pillows on the floor in case you have another seizure." I can feel her hand on mine and she pats it gently. I try to get my eyes to focus on hers but it's no use. I still can't make out her whole face. Right now I can make out about five of them but none of them are clear. And her voice is becoming distorted. "Now this is important, Jeff. Tell me how Shannon made Matt go away."

I don't like the way she baby's me. It makes me feel like I'm retarded. I'm not stupid. I know she wants to know, but why not come out and ask me? Doesn't she understand that if I felt safe with her that I'd open up? I always opened up to Adam and most times all he'd have to do was hold me.

But, my mouth starts moving without my permission - must be sodium penthanol again. I love the way this stuff feels, but it hurts like motherfucker when I crash. "Shanny lived down the road from us. He used to play in our back yard. He was younger than me, but he liked to hang out with me and Matty. He was the cutest little thing. He had blonde hair and big bluish green eyes and the fattest cheeks. Matty always looked out for us, because he loved me and he knew that I loved Shanny."

As soon as my eyes open I see the woods right behind the back shed. The leaves are golden and they decorate the dying grass. It smells like fall in the air and it's really obvious when the leaves crunch with each step we take. "Matty was always so careful with me. He knew how much I loved Shannon but he told me to stay away from him, 'cause he was just a kid. I trusted Matty. He always knew what was best for me even when I didn't. He took care of me." I look over to my left and Shannon's walking beside me swinging that branch, banging the trunks of the trees while we walk into the woods. I can't really hear what he's talking about, but I love the look on his face. He makes me smile. And even though I'm smiling, I don't like the way I feel. Something's wrong. "Where's Adam? You promised you'd tell me where he is."

"Stay focused, Jeff. I'll tell you about Adam later." She always promises we'll talk about him but we never do. We used to talk about him until they found out that he came to check on me. He's tried to take me with him, but they keep me so full of drugs that I'm slow and clumsy and keep getting caught. After the last time, they gave me a new room that inside of all of these locked doors. They strap me to the bed at night and bolt the door shut. There's even this big guy that stands outside. Now Adam can't get in and I can't get out. She won't even let me talk about him.

This is all Stephanie's fault. Always promising me that she'll tell me if he calls or sends a package. I tell her what she wants to know because she promises that she'll get Adam in to see me. But then she always changes her mind. She's trying to keep me away from him. She's jealous. She doesn't know that he's gonna kill her because she's keeping us a part. "Try to calm down. I'll tell you about Adam, I promise."

"Don't you understand? I need to talk to him now! I don't like it here. I don't like talking about things with you. Adam doesn't like it when I'm not happy. If you let me see him, I promise I'll keep you safe. I won't let him hurt you." I look down at my finger wondering why it hurts so bad. I can't really make out my hand, but I can see red dripping from the white tip of my finger. Must've pulled my nail off again. This seems to happen a lot when I get uncomfortable and they won't let me see Adam. "My head hurts. I don't feel well. Please? Just let him come visit me. I'll tell you anything you wanna know. Please, just let me see him."

"I'll see about arranging a visit after we talk. But right now I need to know what happened in the woods behind your dad's house. What happened there that is making you so uncomfortable." I hate that stupid fucking whisper of hers. I don't want to talk about this. I want to see Adam.

She better not be lying, cause if she is that's it for her. "I don't know." I close my eyes tightly to try to make the image of Shannon and the crunching leaves go away. But when I do, I can feel my fingers touch his hair and the how wide his eyes got when I tried to kiss him. "He was so pretty. I just wanted to touch him. But he pushed me. He called me a fag and he pushed me." The ground is cold and hard on my hands as they came up to block my face from hitting it first. Shannon's soft face is hard and mean. And his eyes aren't twinkling like they normally do. He's angry and I feel like shit because it's my fault. "Shut up, Shannon! I'm not weak!"

I look over to my right and feel the anger fill my body. How dare he call me weak? Just because Matty takes care of me doesn't mean that I can't take care of myself. Matty needs to feel important and I need him to help me when the times goes away 'cause it scares me. Matty always makes sure I'm safe when the time goes away.

"Jeff?" Stephanie's voice cuts across Shannon's angry face and my eyes snap in her direction. "Do you remember where you are? You're safe. You're here with me." My arms flinch upward as if to lunge at her, but they fall back to the chair because the chains won't reach that far. I focus on her face long enough to see her shake her head at someone else in the room. I know where I am and it's not at my daddy's house.

My throat is dry. I need to drink something. Cold water is the only thing that helps to stop the memories. It keeps me awake, makes the drugs feel like they don't have a hold on me. But she won't give me anymore. She wants me to remember. "He dropped the branch on the ground. I got mad and I picked it up. There was a crack in his forehead and blood. Blood on the leaves, blood in his hair, his eyes. It was everywhere." Slowly my heartbeat returns to normal and my dick gets hard. God he's beautiful. "He was just laying there with this deep red in his blonde hair. Those eyes looking at me. I couldn't stop myself. I just had to know what he felt like." And the calm washes over me as I kiss his cold lips and let my hands roam over his body. "He was my first. I didn't know what I was doing, but he didn't mind. I don't think he'd ever done it before either. He grunted a little and it was awkward, but I didn't hurt him too bad. It was beautiful. He kept whispering my name. His lips were cold when I kissed him, but he kept whispering to me. He loved it as much as I did."

It is too cold out here. We should be making love inside where it's warm, so his body won't have so many goose bumps and his lips won't turn blue. But I can't stop. He's so sweet and pretty. We need each other and the location really isn't important.

"Did Matt find you?"

Why does she have to ruin it by talking about Matty? She wanted me to remember, well I remember and it's a damn good memory. I lost my virginity and it was the best day of my life but she's ruining it. "He fucked it up." A pain shoots through my head and all I can see is a blinding white light. My hands are shaking and suddenly I feel the vomit hit my tongue. There's no time to move before it lands on the table and I can't stop. "Adam…please? I need him."

But Steph is so calm. I hate her. "Not until you tell me what happened to your brother."

I don't want to talk about my brother. He doesn't talk to me anymore. "That look. Matty always had the softest brown eyes when he looked at me. But Matty's eyes were wild and they hurt." Fucking tears. Why am I crying when I know that Adam won't wipe them? He won't rock me until they stop all together. I hate her. I hate this fucking place. I want to go home with Adam. "Please? I don't want this anymore. Please? Just let me go home." Maybe if I beg she'll stop fucking torturing me.

"You're doing so well, Jeff. Just tell me about Matt."

Stupid bitch. I don't want to answer her but I can't stop myself. "He won't hold me. He won't come near me. He won't even look at me. But he can damn sure call Shannon's name and point his finger at me. He said, 'You did this. What the fuck is wrong with you? You did this.' He kept yelling. My daddy was going to hear him. I didn't want him to know that I wasn't virgin no more. He didn't like it that I hung around with someone so young. He thought I was gonna teach him a bunch of stuff that he had no business knowing. I didn't wanna get a whippin'. Shannon was only about fifteen. He wasn't legal yet. I was gonna get in trouble and the way Matty looked at me I knew he wouldn't stick up for me against my daddy."

There's a splinter in my palm from the branch. Gripping it as tight as I can I swing it just like Matty taught me when I tried out for Little League. But I don't stop. He was supposed to love me. He promised me he would always protect me, but he chose Shannon. "You keep your damn mouth shut, Matty!" I keep hitting him until he doesn't say anything else. His blood is the same color as Shannon's. It's beautiful. "I don't like red. There's too much red. I don't feel so good, Matty. I need help." I crawl over to Matty anlay my head on his chest. It's so dark and everything is fading but I can still feel his hand touch my hair. "I'm sorry, Matty." whisper before it all goes away.

I look up from the floor to see Stephanie kneeling beside me. The chair that I'm still handcuffed and shackled to is turned upside down with me under it. My lip is bleeding. Must have bitten it. Remembering with Adam never hurt like this. "You had your first kill at nineteen. Your friend and your brother. Do you remember that, Jeff?"

"What?" I wish my eyes would focus. I wish I could actually feel her fingers in my hair as opposed to watching her blurry wrist disappear over the top of my head. "I didn't kill Matty. He moved out of the house, but he called me everyday. He used to send my daddy cards and letters. I left a few months later and I moved in with him. We had a long talk about everything and I apologized for hitting him. But, I didn't kill him. We would go visit the old house together. Then…" From where I'm lying, I can see out of the sliding glass doors. The blue sky and the green grass are heavenly especially since they've been taken away from me. And then something else catches my eye. "Adam." Trying to scramble to my feet, I glimpse his smile and then he winks at me. He's gonna save me from this hell.

"Then, what?" Stephanie's voice forces the smile from my face.

"I left. Matty didn't understand the hunger, but he never said anything about it. I couldn't live with it anymore. So I left. I was gonna kill myself and I couldn't deal with knowing that he would find me." That was the night I met Adam. He took care of me, just like Matty did. But even better, he didn't just sit there quietly looking at me when I'd come home from partying. Adam actually told me it was okay. "And Adam took me in. We've been together since then." As long as I keep talking, she won't look at the door. She won't know that Adam is trying to find a way in. If I keep her distracted, Adam will save me. I tried to warn her, but she didn't listen. Whatever happens to her won't be my fault.

Stephanie helps me right the chair and soon I feel my handcuffs being loosened. I don't know why I'm happy about that because I hate this fucking straight jacket more than the handcuffs. The big guard, Paul, leads me over to the couch and stands right by us when Stephanie takes a seat. I guess we can't use the table now that I've thrown up on it. "Jeff. The police went over everything in your house. They couldn't find anything that suggests there was ever an Adam there with you."

"That's because he's the best at what he does." My chest swells with pride when I think about how amazing Adam is at everything. I can feel the smile slide across my face and my eyes finally settle long enough to focus on hers. My voice evens out and suddenly Stephanie is no longer a threat. I look over at the door and see Adam standing there with a smile to match mine on his face. "He doesn't leave evidence." My voice is cool and collected. Fuck Stephanie. This bitch dies, tonight.

As soon as Adam finds out what she's done to me, she'll know exactly how careful he is.


	18. Chapter 18

_A/N1: This chapter is a little long because I wanted to wrap everything up. A lot of you seem to understand now, hopefully this chapter won't confuse the hell out of you. Go with your original instinct and you'll understand just how twisted it all is._

_I'm interested to see if you get the ending and your thoughts on the story as a whole.

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Scratch the Surface – Chapter 18

The sounds of Avenge Sevenfold's _It's Almost Easy_ fill my ears, but I'm not really paying attention to it. I can't. Not when there so much here for me to remember. I haven't been here in years, but the place looks just like I remember. Judging from how everything is exactly how we left it, no one's ever found it.

Taking in a deep breath, I cough immediately from the smell of mold and dust. Apparently the hole in roof did nothing for arrogating this place through the years. Making my way to the window to force clean air in here, I stop at the memory. The window. Adam kicked it in for me the day he first brought me here. The broken glass still decorates the windowsill and the outline of his boot is still there. It's like he never left.

God, I miss him.

I swear that it feels like if I were to close my eyes right now and open them again he'd be standing here smiling at me. But I know the truth. The truth is, if I closed my eyes, when I open them, I'll be standing in the middle of a broken down cabin… _without_ him.

I knew the memories would come flooding back if I came here, but I couldn't help it. It's just that I miss him so much lately. I guess I just needed to feel close to him again. For so long Adam was my everything. He was my best friend, my companion…my soul mate. For so long I needed him. And now, I just want to see him, even if it's only to ask him why.

I just want to know why he left me. He didn't even say goodbye. He just never came back for me. I waited. God, I waited for so long, hoping, praying…needing for him to save me. But he didn't.

Apparently, time doesn't heal all wounds, because for five years I've been asking myself the same questions. Why didn't he love me enough to stay? Why did he make me love him so much only to leave me? I don't understand.

For five years I haven't seen him, haven't talked to him, haven't felt those warm hazel eyes look at me. For five years, I've been alone in a room with drugs and talking and pain like nobody's business. For five years I let them break me down only to build me up to what they want me to be.

I still don't remember how I ended up there. I know there was a trial because they put a tight blue suit and an ugly paisley tie on me. I remember sitting in a room next to this crack pot public defender wondering when it was going to be over. I swear this guy had the cheapest cologne and a big ass cowboy hat that he never took off. I think his name Layfield or Lakewood or something like that. He sat next to me at least a dozen times in those hard ass chairs and never once did he talk to me. The least he could have done was talked to me.

Hell, even that detective that Lillian had interviewed on the news, Batista, I think his name was, talked to me. He told me they were gonna get me help. I didn't know what in the hell he was talking about. I didn't need help, I needed Adam. But at least his eyes were warm. They weren't as comforting as Adam's, but they made me feel less alone.

Even Stephanie talked to me and I hate her. Every time they would show pictures, there would be gasps and screams, she would come over to me and rub my shoulders and tell me that everything was going to be fine. She got them to let me stay in a break room when the screaming got to be too loud or if someone wore red. I don't like screaming and I hate red and there were plenty of both in that place. And as much as I hate Stephanie, she kept them away from me. She helped me. At least I thought she did. But it was fake. All of it. She didn't care about me. She lied to me. She told me she would never hurt me, but she sat in front of everyone and she lied.

She said that I did all of these horrible things to people. Shit that Adam did, she blamed on me. She told everyone and they all believed her. I knew that bitch wasn't to be trusted and she proved me right.

Now I'm not denying that the hunger was bad, and maybe I did some things that weren't so nice. But I wasn't as monstrous as she made me out to be. She told them I had all these problems and that I couldn't deal with real life. She made it sound like I was crazy. But the craziest thing was they _all_ believed her.

After that, I don't remember everything that happened. I know that Layfield or Layman or whatever the hell his name was, guy sat further away from me. Even that detective looked at me with pity. And then those fucking people started watching me like I was a freak show. I don't like to be laughed at and I could hear their snickers and their whispers of how weak they thought I was. It was too much to handle. I just wanted to die.

I prayed that they would kill me. I wanted them to strap me down to a table and shoot me up full of all the drugs they could get their hands on. Or put me in the gas chamber and let me choke off of my own vomit. Anything was better than the laughing and the whispering. Matty once told me to be careful what I pray for, because I just might get it. Well he was right. If I died, I would have gone straight to hell. Well, they didn't kill me, but I went there anyway.

After I stopped going to court, I started going back to Stephanie's little Drug Store hell everyday for five fucking years. Drugs and talking. Headaches and blackouts. Bruises and scars. And of course, her file full of lies and the fucking memories.

They should have killed me. But it wasn't all bad. I learned a lot and I used it to buy my ticket back to real life.

See, I learned that people only see what they want to see and they really don't care about anything but their version of the truth. They feel accomplished when they scratch the surface. As long as they get enough to prove themselves right, they let up and don't want to dig any deeper. For them it's all about perception.

For me it's all about adaptation. Take my life in hell for example. In hell, drugs are an amazing thing. If you take enough of them, you become immune to their effects. If you listen to how bad you are long enough, you learn to alter your behavior so that it looks favorable. If you smile, you're not thought to be sad. If you do everything they say, suddenly you're cured. And most importantly, if you stop talking about Adam, they stop thinking you're crazy and let you go.

I'm not gonna lie, being in the real world has been hard. But it's gotten easier over the last six months. I have my routine now and a life that doesn't focus on blocking out the past and running from my future. Shit, I even found a great girl that's a student at the local college. We're getting married in a few months.

I'm building my life back. And it's finally getting to the point where I don't have nightmares about being in that place. I don't even think about Adam every single minute of every single day anymore. I've finally got that normal life that I always wanted. But lord knows it's boring as a motherfucker without Adam.

Adam.

Don't get me wrong, I never stopped thinking about him. I can't. He's in my blood. It's like trying to stop thinking about a mother's love. It's like denying that the love of your life ever existed. He's never far from my mind, but my thoughts of him don't consume me anymore.

Well, normally they don't. Today is just a really shitty day.

Sitting the iPod on the window ledge, I absently wipe the tears from my eyes and I look out at the brook behind the cabin. Things were so much simpler the last time I got lost in watching the water flow downstream. I remember standing there with Adam feeling like I could conquer the world. The world. Yeah right. I haven't been able to do that yet. But at least I've been able to conquer the hunger. It doesn't sound like much, but it feels like the world to me.

It's gone, I think. At least I don't feel it that much anymore. Stephanie said that it'll never go away completely, but as long as I learn how to manage it with meds and therapy, I should be fine. So far it's worked. I guess that bitch was right about something after all.

Thank God it's not all consuming anymore. Now it's just a little twinge every now and again. I can deal with that. I've learned to ignore it. I mean, I still hear it and see it, but I don't taste it anymore. That's got to count for something, right?

Turning away from the window, I count the steps pass the weakened floor board and walk toward the door. This place feels like it's getting smaller by the minute and apparently something died in here because it stinks. The smell of death never bothered me before, but right now it's getting to me. I guess without the hunger, I actually smell it for what it is now. It's comforting, just not that damn appetizing.

Leaning against the door frame, I take a deep breath of the heavily wooded air. That feels good. I almost forgot how good fresh air smells. Lord knows I didn't smell it for years and now I can't seem to get enough of it.

I guess that's why I bought a little house in the country. Adam left me money. A lot of it. I don't know where he got it and I really don't give a shit. All I know is I was able to get a nice place out in the middle of nowhere that I fucking love. There's not another house for miles and I don't have the temptation of a bunch of people around me. It's secluded, like I'm trying to keep society out. Or maybe I'm trying to keep me away from society. Either way, I'm happy there. I'm surrounded by woods so I can smell the grass in the summer and the dying leaves in the fall. Adam would shit a brick if he found out I became a nature lover. He'd shit golden egg rolls if he knew half of the shit I discovered about myself. I'm not the same Jeff as I was before.

It's still hard for me, harder than it is for most people, but I don't seem to cower from the world now. I know they're watching me. Every week when I go back to hell for group meetings, they're watching. They're just looking for some sign of me slipping back into who I was. They're waiting for me to get scared and tell them that I can't do it on my own.

The truth is I don't get scared anymore. I don't worry about everything every single second. Yeah, I feel alone sometimes, but I'm not afraid of it now. I guess being in hell taught me how to deal with it. It's not like I had a choice in that place. In there, the loneliness would have eaten me alive if I had let it. But I didn't. I had to prove to myself and I guess to Adam that I could make it. And I did. I made it without him.

There's a breeze whipping the fallen leaves around in the air. It'll be dark soon and it looks like it's going to rain. I don't mind though. Even with a huge hole in the roof, I'd rather stay here and get soaked then to go home and be alone. Layla's staying on campus tonight because she's got a test in the morning. Not that I mind. It's just that it's fucking lonely in that house all by myself. Besides, it's been so long since I could just be alone with my memories and just feel what it is that I'm feeling that I'm actually enjoying it here. I'm not really ready to give that up yet. After five years of having everything about me questioned, dissected and analyzed, it's nice to have a minute just to remember without someone reading more into it.

Even now it's like that. I'm sure Layla doesn't mean it, but she likes to talk and every time I get quiet she thinks something's wrong. It's cute actually, how she tries so hard to keep me happy. She's one of those girls that does any and everything to make sure things between us stay good. Even after everything I've been through and all the lies the media told about me, she still loves me. Granted, she was just a kid when all of that shit went down, but she knows. At least she knows what she chooses to believe. If you ask her, I got sent away on some bullshit because I took the rap for Adam. It's the truth, I did, and she refuses to believe anything other than that.

But still, she knows they're watching me and she sees how much it gets to me. She tries to keep my mind off of it and when that doesn't work, she wants me to open up about it. It doesn't bother me, though. Not like when Stephanie did it. That shit got on my nerves. I know that Layla loves me and she's just trying to make me happy. But still, I'd be lying if I said the solitude of this place wasn't nice.

Closing my eyes to fully take in my surroundings, I hear the sound of leaves crunching in the distance. With a sigh I place the filter of the cigarette to my lips and feel my entire body relax as soon as the tip is lit. There's something about a quiet smoke that always seems to put things in perspective for me. With my head against the frame of the door I watch the world.

The woods are beautiful with their bare trees and the multi colored leaves decorating the ground like a blanket. The sound of the brook bubbles happily in the distance without a care. It's alive; everything about these woods is bursting with life even though winter is coming. It's like nature is preparing for it, but this place is resisting. It's ironic actually, because that's exactly how I feel.

This is the shit that I missed out on when I was in hell. This is the shit that I missed at home while I was still taking Steph's pills. Yeah, I loved being high all the time, but they kept me in a state of numbness, preventing me from seeing and enjoying the world around me. They were necessary when I needed to be what they wanted me to be so that I could go home. Well, now that I'm home I don't need them anymore.

I don't want my senses dulled. I don't want to have a medicine haze surrounding me at all times. I want to taste the rain on my lips and feel the cool air on my face. I want to smell the smells of fall. I want to live and those damn pills were killing me slowly. Well fuck that. Not anymore.

Staring at the large bare oak tree in front of me I feel an overwhelming sense of peace. Tears fill my eyes, but they're not sad tears. They are tears of contentment.

I knew this would happen. I knew I needed to come here. I knew I needed closure.

"Hey, Jeff." Without words I watch as he walks with his hands in his pockets. Dressed in blue jeans, a white shirt and black leather jacket he looks like just stepped out of a magazine. Stopping next to the tree, he leans against it and looks at me. His wavy blonde hair blows in the breeze and with a toss of his head he forces the strands out of his face.

"Adam." I thought after all this time I would be happy to see him. But I don't feel anything. For years I practiced the thousands of things I wanted to say to him. But right now, I can't think of one. All I can do is stare at him.

A slow smile slides across his face and he lowers his head as if he is going to laugh. But instead he raises his eyes to mine and nods. "You look good."

"You, too." And he does. He is beautiful. He's always been so beautiful.

"Had a feeling I'd find you here. You always did love this place."

Fuck the small talk. We don't have to have some long drawn conversation. "Why?" That's it. That's all I want to know. "You left me. Why?"

Taking a deep breath he pushes off from the tree and starts to walk toward me. There was once a time where I was afraid of the power that Adam exuded. I was never afraid of _him_, but of his strength because it only amplified my weakness. But that time is long gone. I've been through much shit - felt pain like never before. I don't fear. Not anymore. "I didn't leave you, Jeff."

"Bullshit. You didn't try to help me. You watched what that bitch did to me and you didn't try to help me." I can still see his face outside of that glass door, looking at me…smiling at me...leading me to believe that he was going to help me. But then he walked away. He blew me a kiss and walked away. "Do you have any idea what it was like for me? Do you? I've had everything short of a fucking lobotomy, Adam. Electroshock therapy, graphic desensitization…if you can think of it, they did it. And believe me, that bitch Stephanie can give you a run for your money in the torture department. And do know why they did all that shit to me? Because you fucking disappeared. You left and all fingers pointed to me. They ripped my fucking soul apart because of your shit and you have the balls to show here today like nothing fucking happened."

With a calm like only Adam can possess, he walks to the porch and takes a seat on the old splintered rocking chair. Running his fingers through his blonde waves he tilts his head and considers me. He's impressed, I know that look in his eye. He's never seen me stand up for myself without blacking out in the process. Well guess what? I don't fucking black out anymore. "Would I do that? I didn't leave you, Jeff. I was there every fucking day. You wouldn't leave with me."

I'm so sick of people twisting the truth into their form of reality. I waited for him for five years and he never showed. But still there's a calmness in his voice that makes me want to listen to his reasoning. "I wouldn't leave with you? Contrary to popular belief, I'm not fucking crazy Adam and it's pretty fucking hard to leave with a memory. Every fucking day I waited. But you never showed up. You let me rot there."

"Bullshit, I did. You were so fucking out of it that you didn't recognize me." Folding his hands in his lap his eyes narrow slightly in my direction. For a second, I recognize that look. Irritation. But I'm not backing down. Not this time. Not until he tells me the truth. "And when I finally got to you, you looked at me like you didn't know who the fuck I was. You had it all. Your drugs, your little brunette that hung on your every word. You were in your element, Jeff. Everybody was so worried about my poor little baby. Why would you leave with me? You had everything you ever wanted and you forgot about me."

"I could never forget you, Adam. I would have never turned my back on you." If the roles were reversed, I would have done everything in my power to get him out of there. "And what the fuck do you mean I was in my element? I never wanted to be babied, Adam. You did that because it made you feel better. I just didn't wanna be alone."

With a shake of his head he smiles in disbelief. "If you didn't want to be alone, why did you keep turning me away? You should ask that _Steph_ girl how many times I came to see you. And then her, ask how many times she turned me away at your request. _You_ left _me, _Jeff." He came to visit and Steph turned him away? No. That's not right. I was there. She never said anything like that. That couldn't have been how it happened. "You want to blame somebody for this? Blame her. She became more important to you than me. All the fucking lies she told you about me, you believed. All those sessions on her little couch, ending up with you crying. _She _was the one that started taking care of you. She replaced me. You should have the satisfied look on her face when she told me that you didn't want me anymore." He raises his brows at my shocked expression. He saw that? He was there and watched what she did to me? "Did know I knew that much, did you? Yeah, I saw it all. I saw how you stopped crying after awhile. And you didn't black out anymore, either. I notice how after awhile you were there, sitting tall and proud, talking and laughing. You were happy there, Jeff. And I finally saw you. I didn't just look at you. I _saw_ you. And that's when I knew that you didn't need me anymore. You were strong on your own. You didn't need me in your life anymore, so I stopped coming. You were strong enough without me. And just look at you now…"

"You think you did me a fucking favor?" Stepping back inside the doorway I grab my bag from the floor. It takes a second to locate what I'm looking for but with damning evidence like this there is no way he can deny it. "Look at this shit. Look at it! You thought I had a good time there? You saw all of the shit she did to me and you thought I fucking enjoyed it? I forgot torture is your thing. It must've looked like a fucking field day to you. Tearing me down…that's your idea of teaching me how to be strong?"

His eyes dance over the red printed letters on the front of the file and instantly I feel a chill at the sight of them. _St. Dymphna Hospital for the Criminally Insane._ Reluctantly, he opens to the first page and glances over everything. Without interest he starts to read aloud, "Sociopath…Psychopath...Paranoid Schizophrenia… Histrionic…Disassociative …Borderline... Personality Disorder…Multiple Personality… What the fuck is this?"

"That's your little lesson, Adam. That's what the fuck I learned on Stephanie's couch." In all of the things I've felt for Adam over the last five years, never once have I felt anger. But right now, I'm so pissed with him it's taking everything I have not to punch him in the face. "I learned that I'm supposed to be fucking crazy. I was taught that I killed my brother and my friend. Supposedly, I got sent away to a fucking funny farm and not to Matt's house for six years. But I didn't take my medication and I got sick. Shit, apparently I fucking made you up…"

"Those motherfuckers." His eyes grow cold for a moment, and then they soften when he looks at me. Adam doesn't show remorse, but I can tell from that look that he genuinely had no idea it was that bad. "You don't believe this shit do you? You never went away. You were at your brother's. You fucking lived with him. I helped you get your stuff from his house. And that shit about me? If you believe that shit, then you _are_ crazy."

"You know it's funny what pain will make you believe. You'll believe anything if it means that they'll stop hurting you. You of all people should know that, Adam."

"You don't believe me? Touch me. I've held you, wiped your tears…I've been there for you more than anybody else has ever been. You know me. Fucking touch me and you'll know I'm real." That seems to be all he cares about. Not the fact that the guards would beat me when I was strapped to my bed at night. Not the fact that Stephanie forced me to lie to my father and say that I killed my brother. He doesn't seem to care that I looked in that man's eyes and broke his heart just so I could get out of there. That was the first time I've seen my father in ten years and I lied to him.

"I had to admit to everything _you _did in front of a room full of people and apologize for it. I had to tell them that I was sick and I didn't know what I was doing. They made me jump through fucking hoops and made me feel like a freak, only to let me out and keep fucking tabs on me. I still have to go back there once a week and get fucking tested. They always want to talk and they look at me sideways to see if I'm stable." Lighting another cigarette, I suck back on the toke hoping it will calm me down. "Motherfuckers come to my house to make sure I'm following the fucking rules on the outside. I don't have any privacy. I'm lying to my girl about what the fuck is going on. But I'm stronger than a motherfucker now." The sarcasm drips from my words before I can stop it. "'Cause that's all that really matters, right? You left me there to die, and just hoped that I was strong enough to survive. But what if I wasn't, Adam? What if I didn't make it? What then?" As soon as I see the look on his face, I know that he didn't mean to hurt me. More importantly, I know that I can't end it like this. No matter what, I still love him.

Nodding his head in understanding he stands from the chair and glares out at the woods around us. "It was that fucking head shrinker wasn't it? She pumped you full of drugs and lies. You know she lied to you about all of that other shit. But you think she was telling the truth about me? Well here's the truth Jeff. If I thought for one second that you weren't strong enough to make it, I would have taken you from there. You can believe all of that other bullshit if you want, but you know that for a fact."

Staying angry with him is harder than I thought. But it feels so good to lash out after keeping all of this shit in for years. Always pretending to be what they want me to be so they'd let me out, keeping my real feelings bottled away…it's fucking hard. Finally I get to be myself and it figures it's with the one person who I've always been able to be myself around. I know I should hate him. But I don't. I never did. I feel myself calming down and all I can do is look at him with serious eyes. "You were right about one thing. I don't need you anymore. I'm doing just fine on my own now."

A sly smile pulls at the corners of his lips and instinctively his hand runs through his hair. "You're right. You don't need me…but it wouldn't it be fun to have me around again?" His smile grows when I try to keep my face stern but it softens almost as soon as he says it. It's the truth. I miss him. Without him I feel like a part of me is missing. "We had some good times, Jeff."

Resting my head against the door frame again I instantly feel the anger and frustration leave me looking into the hazel pools of his eyes. "Yeah, we did." I look out at the forest and notice that the wind is picking up. The bare trees swing their branches like skeleton fingers waving goodbye to me. Or is it hello? I can't tell anymore.

"You came out on top, baby. You're bigger and better than you were before." Throwing the file on the chair behind him, he turns to me with a warm smile. He touches his hand to my cheek and I can feel the electricity from it all over my body. God, I miss him. "I just wanted to see you again and to tell you that I'm proud of you." As soon as he steps down from the porch he turns to me and nods. "If you ever get bored, look me up. You know where to find me. I miss you, Jeff." No sooner does he say that, does he turn around and starts to walk away from the cabin.

Watching him leave a second time hurts more than I thought it would. "Adam?" I steady my voice and force a smile on my face. "I miss you, too." I won't ask him to come back into my life, but I damn sure won't deny him if he does. In the few minutes that we spent together, I didn't feel lonely at all. I actually felt normal. That's all I've ever wanted.

His smile is illuminating. It lights up everything in this darkened wood, like the sun was shining directly on him. It's magical. "I don't know how to apologize, Jeff. That's really not my thing. But I don't lie, so believe this. If you let me back in, I promise I will never leave you again."

There's so much to think about. I've been lied to so much by so many people I don't know what the truth is anymore. All I do know is I haven't felt this alive in years. With a shrug of my shoulders I turn toward the door. "We'll see. I need to talk to my _shrink_ first." With one last glance at him, over my shoulder, I walk into the cabin and leave the front door open.

Pulling out the pack of Malboros out of my pocket, I dust off the chair and take a seat. Lighting the end, I close my eyes and concentrate on the thick smoke filling my lungs. I love the taste of menthol. With everything there is to consider, it's nice not to have to concentrate on anything but my cigarette while my thoughts fall into place. This is more than I can handle right now. I need some direction.

Resting my arms on my thighs, I lean forward and consider the mattress and the gagged brunette chained to the fireplace upon it. "So Steph? What do you think I should do?"

_Fin._

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_A/N2: So there you have it. My first attempt at a psychological thriller. It's been a blast to write and I think this is the best my writing has ever been. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you loved it as much as I did!_

_Special thanks to Kenny-Bell for making me laugh. Isilofthedark for making me excited to keep writing. Grleviathan for getting it from chapter 6. And special thanks to Queen of Kaos for all of the many hours of brainstorming and character development with me. To everyone else, thank you so much. You guys are rockstars!_

_Be easy!_

_Shanny_

**_One final thing. A few of you have asked if Adam is real or not. I'll let you be the judge of that. But if you have questions ( granted this story isn't the full scope of everything I wanted to do with it. You would have been confused beyond repair had I done everything.) PM me and I'll tell you how it played out in my mind. _**


End file.
